can u PLEASE tell me wat u think of this?

Question

Why can’t I stop loving u?
What we had made me think it was that special thing
U lied to me u broke the promises u meant to keep
U didn’t want to hurt me
But u used ur excuses as a shield for my anger
But it was too weak
Moving on for u was as quick as wind can blow
U left me thinking like it was still one sunny day but suddenly it rained on top of me
U said u were sorry u cannot erase what had already bean written
It was as permanent as dents in an old wall
And at that 1 moment u spoke I hoped that the light would disappear
And that the air would become scarce
So I could no longer say a word, as I had no longer any breath to even speak
My wish became true inside of me
My soul was dead so how would u profile me?
My life became suppressed by all ur lies
Left me wondering if the grass was really green?
I am nothing more but a shadow on the wall
I lucked my heart inside and just hoped to die
The sign wrote no vacancy as it was still trying to erase everything that

wasn’t meant to be
But it just kept failing
And yet I still love u
I still have to suffer
When is this going to end?
I cannot trust, not even this wall behind me
That stays with me everywhere as long as my body is walking beside me.

i love writing exc. poetry so i really like to hear wat ppl think of it
~thanx ♥

Answer 1

Over dramatized writing. Heroine is really weak person (he walked away like you were nothing), and you still pine over him??
That's not love that's immature girl stuff. Allot of self-pity in this poems heroine.
The women in the poem shows a little strength (when his lies, excuses) does not reflect her anger. BUT......
Then in the next line you give all the strength back to the loser. (he gets over you like nothing)

There's some pretty good lines after that until the "Was grass really green" puke.The next two lines pretty formula.

You might try for the next line" The sign said no vacancy as I tried to erase everything that wasn't meant to be.
The last few lines are extremely over-dramatized (if the lovers shared real love like say Romeo and Juliet), ma-by you could get away with the cry-baby stuff but there is no real love in this poem because no mature person would feel this way after you were played by some guy. (Immature Love).
And the last line..." I cannot trust, not even this wall behind me??"
"That stays with me everywhere as long as my body walks beside me??' ....What does this mean please explain?

Please keep writing I think as you grow into your passion you will write some great poetry. But this poem needs work.

Answer 2

Could be a start of a great poem but you need to pay attention to your grammar it is very important in poetry. Break up with the guy and find someone you can trust.

Answer 3

wow !!! thats so good i wish i could right like that one day when u become famouse by me a car lol thats sooo good ol ur like really good and i hope u make it big some day good luck hope this helps

Answer 4

bcoz i m loveliest guy on whole earth thats why u cant stop loving me and u r the most sweet gal on this earth. thanx 4 all the question.

Answer 5

An honest opinion? Boring and corny

Answer 6

well the way i see it... it's a part of your emotional life... forget it, it only hurts more if you always think of everything that has been said and done... move on... LIFE is real moves in mysterious ways...

Answer 7

it was good
but you did neede to space your paragraph in 5 sentences
other than that it was good, i write poetry my self.

Answer 8

Load of misspelled and trite drivel.

Answer 9

That is really beautiful...I truly admire people that are able to write such beautiful poems!!

Answer 10

its sooo good did u write it ur self lol no but seriously very good job