Are they not the one or is it me?

Question

Ok, I'm really having trouble with this situation. It could be due to my own lack of extensive experience with men(I am 23, dated my x for 4years, then met my current bf we're going on 3 years) My ex was a very nice guy, I was really in love with him in the beginning but slowly got bored, dumped him & met my current bf. I,up until recently, was CRAZY about this guy. Then its like I slowly get bored with him & his little annoying habits become so irratating I go nuts!! We have good chemistry, I love his family, we have made changes for each other,etc. But I feel that theres an important component missing, we dont have very indepth, intelligent conversations. Im not saying hes dumb at all but hes just not that introspective. I'm getting antsy again. I really need advice, are they just not "the one" or is it me? Am I looking for an excuse to run? As much as I LOVE the idea of being married 4ever, I also find the idea TERRIFYING! Please give me your opinions, just no nasty comments please!

I just wanted to also add, hes older (hes 37), he says Im the love of his life. Thats why its so hard to leave...

Answer 1

You're not ready for a lifetime commitment yet.

You need more life experience and dating experience before you'll be qualified to choose the perfect person (or at least the 'most-perfect') person for you.

There are so many people, and so many kinds of people out there, you have reason to sample the buffet life has spread out before you.

I waited to get married until I was 37. I know that seems like a long time to wait, but once I met the woman I'd marry, I knew it. I knew what I was looking for and I knew once I had it.

She was in her late 20s (she's 30 now) and she had her life together too.

I had the time to get to know myself and know what I felt was important...not because someone told me or because I read it somewhere, but rather because I'd lived enough life to know what I was talking about - at least when it came to what was important for me...and also for her.

I'd had a chance to solidify a career, and be mature and reliable enough to really be the good husband/father I'd always wanted to be.

I think some time spent living your own life would be a good investment. Do you live on your own, by yourself? You should, even if it's only for a year or so. You'll really get to know yourself when you make all the rules.

Living with a roommate also helps, but there has to be real chemistry and honesty between roommates.

Once you know people, especially yourself, you'll feel more 'qualified' to make a lifetime commitment.

First, you should learn on your own how precious that lifetime is.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Try to remember that the craziness, love thing - you feel when you meet someone isn't love - it's more 'lust' or excitment...Love ALWAYS grows - if it doesn't - it dies. Better to start out curious and grow as friends and grow into love. You know, when our kids were young - my husband and I used to get a sitter every Friday night from 4-7 pm and call it our date..... rules were: no talking about money, kids, family, problems, work - we did it for years - ....... it was a real date... and has kept the romance in our marriage. You have to WORK at relationships - they don't just happen. You need to step back and look at the qualities of this person and your requirements. You have to know yourself and be happy with who YOU are before you can allow someone else in that space.

Answer 3

I was with a guy that I was sure I was meant to marry--we both knew it. However, I had the same feeling you did--always there in the back of my mind. I thought I was crazy--Chris was the one!!! What was wrong with me?

What was wrong? He was WONDERFUL and I loved him but he wasn't the one. When I started dating my hubby there never was a doubt--He was it.

I know that's scary to hear but it's also hopeful. As great as your guy is---there's someone even more perfect for you out there. Trust me, you'll know it in every fiber of your being when it's right!

Good luck!

Answer 4

yea, you are just too young to be stuck in a long term relationship, thats all