After 5 years in a committed serious relationship, is "taking a break" a way to say you want to end it?

Question

I have been involved with my boyfriend for 5 years. It is a serious and committed relationship. There are kids from prior marriages involved. We live extremely close to one another. Because we both have kids, we are actively involved in their activities which at times detracts from the time my boyfriend and I can spend together. I received an email from my boyfriend stating he is "emotionally exhausted", is "frustrated with himself and me" and thinks "taking a break for a week would do us both good" and that he is not available this week...... I am very disappointed that this was communicated by email (though he claims he tried calling me...). I feel there is no excuse for not being able to speak to me in person about such a sensitive and personal topic. I am also confused because this past weekend was nothing different than many prior weekends filled with kids sports. My boyfriend and I were once engaged, but he backed out about 6 months ago. He helps me financially somewhat.

Answer 1

I would wait the week out but I think that he is having second thoughts about continuing the relationship. Five years is a long time to be together and not have marriage involved somehow. And communicating it by e-mail is a even worse sign, if they cant do it face to face that dosent give much hope for the sititution getting better. Though I'm wondering why if you both have kids you arent trying to settle down and create a family for them. If he dosent want to get married maybe it's time for you to move on.

Answer 2

Ok the one thing you have to realize is something that I wish every one could see, When you write an E~Mail it is a sure fire way of communicating your point and being heard without all of the drama and emotion that can errupt from such a conversation. No it doesnt mean he wants to split up because for the first time after 2 marrigas I am finally happy and I have found my self saying the same thing. This brake is to give the emotions a rest sometimes a person tries to hard in a relationship and it gives the other person the opinion that maybe your becoming whiney or bitchy but to you, your just trying to communicate.........Don't try so hard and what ever you do don't always ask is there something wrong or are you mad at something. Instead when you feel like asking that don't say a word and just go up to him rub his shoulders and say your looking a little stressed does this feel better. That way your not asking him anything your just being a loving woman. This is a guys honest point of view so good luck and don't try so hard......Relax and enjoy each others company again. If you have any more questions contact me I'm here to help.

Answer 3

I find it very interesting that after five years he sent you an email? Very weird. However, he could be telling the truth about the break thing. But the whole breaking off the engagement thing is what would make me step back. Why did he propose in the first place? I am kind of in that situation, but no kids and I want a break from my boyfriend. It is not because I don't love him and I do want to be committed to him, but right now I'm just exhausted with our arguments and such. Is there ANY reason that this has happened? have you guys seen a counselor? I know that's everyone's answer, but it could help, it might not. It may do you both good, but if this is a continuous pattern, it's time to take things in a different direction... good luck

Answer 4

Sometimes "taking a break" simply means someone wants to take a break. I have seen many couples get back together after taking a break because they realized what they did not have. At the same time, the fact that he broke off your engagement makes me wonder how serious he is about your relationship. I have never been married or divorced, but my parents are divorced and both in relationships. I think that sometimes after a marriage goes wrong (I'm assuming divorce, but if you are a widow, I'm sorry) people have trouble getting into a very committed relationship again. i would take this week to think about what your relationship really means and then talk things over with him and let him know how you feel after the week. Good luck, and remember to do what's best for you! :-)

Answer 5

You have both invested a lot emotionally into the relationship.

I picked up on the fact he backed out of the engagement. NOW he needs a break.

Huge red flags. This guy has cold feet again. Would he agree to go to couple's counseling to see if he really wants to be in this relationship any longer? If not - I'd say he's very UN-likely to commit to you ever.

Try to find out if he's been sticking around bc the kids are in the picture. Maybe he's more worried about disappointing THEM.

Hope it all works out for you and wish you the best whichever way it goes.

Answer 6

wow.what i would do is take the break and enjoy it, but at the same time i would let him know that i love him, than I'd go on vacation; some where i could think . You can some time alone, take the kids to mother if you can- if you don;t you will get in a dumb fight over nothing and lose something special. five years is a lot of time, so don't throw it all away. I think you both need some down time. take care.god bless

Answer 7

im sorry ur going through this but no it doesnt mean he wants to break up there are many times when i just need a break to myself and its not b cause i want to c anybody else or im trying to end it its just sometimes i feel things r to hard to bare and i just need time to myself but the problem is ok the engagment was broke off witch is a good thing only b cause he seems a little childish and in a marriage u haveto b able to talk things out and it doesnt seem like hes ready 4 that right now the problem is r u ready to wait till he grows up and risk being unhappy well best of luck to you hoe everything works out

Answer 8

Talk about cold feet....then agian, he may have something else in mind. sounds like he is afraid of commitment. emailing a letter like that sounds fishy too. there was no excuse for that. Just dont jump to conclusions. i would give this matter just a little time and let that week go by then call him up and ask him out or over or whatever it is that you all do together and tell him that you wanna talk. sounds to me like after all these years, he isnt cheating, so why start now? Just talk.......

Answer 9

I have used the "taking a break" way out to end relationships for many years. When I wanted out and the guy did not I would say that we needed a brief break and then I would immediately move on to someone else. He just may not be ready for a commitment, so be strong. You may need to move on and find someone to commit to you.

Answer 10

Is taking a break a cop out way of telling you to back off. Hmmm
I would have seen him backing out of your engagement as warning their was trouble brewing. I'd confront him and ask what is going on in his mind? And maybe it is you who needs to end the game playing.