Please tell me, is there a way to win this game, i know it can get bad. I know how good he is when he is good. I know his father beat him, his mother left him alone to raise a brother and sister, and i know his ex wife cheated on him, hurting him deeply...is there a way to win and overcome. He gets great satisfaction out of me arguing back. It makes him feel justified. But I have discovered it trips his trigger when no one fights back...this is while he is away at work..when he gets home(gone thru the week) it will be different..he wont let me sleep. Can I win...Do i walk away? I have 2 children at home, plus his stepson lives here. All teenagers. My oldest is 19-he insists on kicking her out, cause she is grown-guess cause he was made to hit the pavement at 17. Help please? When he's great, hes the best-but believe me, if he leaves on sunday...there will be an argument by tuesday. His insecurities get the best of him.
2006-07-26 16:31:42 · 13 answers · asked by Elly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He stated last night for me to choose a councelor, we would go-then he said it wouldnt take 2 seconds for the counselor to realize that it was me with the problem, not him....i see otherwise. He is a control freak.
2006-07-26 16:46:02 · update #1
You are all soo right. I wouldnt choose him over my child now. I do walk on eggshells much of the time, seems like. I know i need reassurance. Leaving is the hardest part. I know, tho- if i make the break, it has to be for good this time.
2006-07-26 16:49:11 · update #2
The only way to win is to refuse to get on the ride in the first place.
2006-07-26 16:36:08 · answer #1 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, leave. He isn't going to change. I have been thru this and know.
Second, go to http://adrr.com/aa and check it out.
Third, take a look at this (I got this in an e-mail and it is so true):
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.!
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
I wish you lots of luck. When you do leave, tho, don't go for another relationship right away. Be sure thjat you have had counseling for yourself, maybe taken classes to learn what an abuser is like/the red flags of an abuser (ask a counselor about these or go to your local women's shelter and they may have them), and be sure to get your self-esteem and self-worth back that he took away from you. Once you have your self-esttem and self-worth back, and you love yourself, then you will be ready tolove someone else, if you choose to do so.
2006-07-27 01:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by honey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a white flag and next time wave it.
Tell him that you want him to write down any agrument to you and not to verbalize it. You will address it on paper.
This will force him to think about the anger. Does he really want to fight or does the verbal anger just relieve him ? If you read the point he writes down, make your answer in writing. Do not listen to a verbal outburst. Give him a pad of paper or walk away. Try that. I think after a few times, he will realize that the noise does not solve the problem faster.
2006-07-26 23:38:46 · answer #3 · answered by Kerry Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say the best way to win would be to let him argue and just grin and agree with everything he says even if its definately not true. Being agreed with in a smart-*** way is very annoying and he will eventually stop because of it being annoying to hear what he knows is wrong be told its right. I know it may be hard but when he figures out that you ain't playin his game, the game will change.
2006-07-26 23:48:51 · answer #4 · answered by clover31776 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes get off the merrygoround. Seriously this guy needs help maybe you could get him help by asking he go with you to get help on your relationship. I don't know but your kids are important. And he's not that great because you are walking on egg shells trying to see when he'll snap the next time.
2006-07-26 23:43:24 · answer #5 · answered by lol_des 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to see a family counselor and try to work things out. he sounds like he has a lot of healing to do. Is he open to that?
2006-07-26 23:38:30 · answer #6 · answered by sweetie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs therapy.Do you think you are being fair to your kids by them having to be exposed to this behavior? Others have had a hard life but they don't use it as an excuse to be abusive.You are not helping him by making excuses.He needs help.
2006-07-26 23:41:40 · answer #7 · answered by Katherine B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to win this one is to leave him. Pack his bags and meet him at the door with them.
2006-07-26 23:35:31 · answer #8 · answered by jen473 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should live him. He can't argue with walls. May be you leaving will give him the reality check that I think he needs.
2006-07-26 23:39:54 · answer #9 · answered by angel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yers stop the abuse first dont make it a contest actions best suit the answers.....
2006-07-26 23:37:30 · answer #10 · answered by Rocco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋