who wants to adopt my mixed baby?

Question

ok, i'm not really putting my child up for adoption now, expecially not on yahoo answers... i just needed to get your attention.

last year i got a divorce, shortly after i met a wonderful man who was everything my ex wasn't... until i got pregnant (which he veiwed as trapped) and became very controlling and abusive with me physically, emtionally, psychologically, sexually, etc... i struggled with the decision to try to "change" him so we could be a family, being a single mother, adoption, or abortion. i didn't think he could change, i am disabled and didn't think i could do it on my own, legally i couldn't put the baby up for adoption without his consent, and i knew he would never consent to it, and i was afraid he would hurt it, so i chose abortion. i feel that i made the best choice for my baby and me by doing making that decision. (i know some of you will not understand that, but please don't judge me for my past decisions.) i told him that i had a miscarriage because i was afrai

afraid he would hurt it, so i chose abortion. i feel that i made the best choice for my baby and me by doing making that decision. (i know some of you will not understand that, but please don't judge me for my past decisions.) i told him that i had a miscarriage because i was afraid he would kill me if he knew i had killed his baby, i also broke up with him. instantly he went back to the weet wonderful man he had been pre-pregnancy, and i felt guilt for destroying our would be family. the relationship has been on/off for about 8 months now. he will become abusive and i will leave, (i've even had to stay in a battered woman's shelter after he tried to slit my throat with glass from a broken window,and slashed my tires so i couldn't get away.) after i leave he always says he is sorry, and that he will change, all he wants is for me to be happy, etc... i know i am weak, but i get lonely and want so badly to believe that he is telling the truth this time, so i always go back. not too long

ago we were making love and i asked him to pull out because he had refused to wear a condom, and afterwards i realized he hadn't. i also realized that he had been counting my periods to figure my ovulation dates. his math was right, and now i am pregnant again and in the same situation as before. i cannot afford another abortion financially or emotionally, and legally i cannot put it up for adoption without his permission, staying in this relationship with him will kill me, and possibly the baby as well, but i am disabled and cannot afford a baby nor would i be able to care for it by myself, and because i am white, and my child's father is black, my family being old-school would not accept me or the child to help us because A) it's biracial, and B) it's a bastard born out of wedlock. all of my choices seem impossible! what should i do???

Answer 1

You're not weak. You are STRONG for realizing that his antics will create a harmful environment for both you and the potential baby. You've gotten through but you are putting your future health and pregnancy first. That is the smart thing to do. You also know that it will only happen again and just get worse.
Go to the local health dept (or call them) and ask for counseling resources. You should talk to a professional. There are free and low cost places that you can go to. If you don't have insurance, perhaps you could apply for Medicaid.
You are the only one that can make the decision about your pregnancy. Planned Parenthood will give you free resources and neutral info on who you can talk to.
Parents won't like the idea of your baby especially when you aren't married, but if the baby comes they'll warm up to it. The physical baby is wayyyy different than the idea of one.
Your FIRST priority is yourself and your stability. Don't worry about what your "boyfriend" or what your parents or relatives or friends think. That is not the issue. Get help as soon as you can, so someone can help point you in the right direction. Don't listen to anyone who tries to convince you that you should or should not have an abortion, because they may not be looking out for your interests and only trying to express political views instead. You never know.
Good luck, and open the yellow pages right now (or go to the yahoo phone book website). The health dept and govt agencies are in the blue pages.

Answer 2

Get off the pity party and be a woman!! You have made a mistake and allowed a guy to beat you and another mistake to kill a baby and still you made another mistake and went back with him and another mistake to not use birth control and ended up pregnant!
There are at least 4 big mistakes here and aborting another baby will not make it right. I know exactly how it is being disabled, I don't think I could have a relationship and I couldn't bear the pain it would cause to have intercourse. I could and would do everything in my power to raise my own child, to love it,teach it, and to keep it safe. If you are disabled your SSI would cover a baby. If it is too hard physically you could put the baby in daycare and just have it in the evenings and night but you would still be able to bond with it. You would most definitely have to change your lifestyle and put your baby 1st. The 1st thing you need to do is get a backbone and leave. It shouldn't even be a question because it is your life you are talking about saving! There is no human being worth living like that for. You can do much better. If you stay don't worry about the baby being too much for you because it will be taken away soon because of abuse and neglect, he won't help you with the baby and you shouldn't want him to. If you leave, you have the world at your feet, to keep or adopt the baby out, and have a good life either way. If you stay and keep the baby, you are signing a child's life away to a miserable existence and will not be able to thrive and succeed in life. If you stay and give the baby away, then it is your life of misery and is your choice to live like that. The baby will have a chance of a wonderful life and to have parents who love and respect him and will make sure he has everything including a strong mom who would never let anyone harm him! I would take the baby and raise him but there are so many young couples who need him and he needs them I take care of my 6 grandkids when I need to whether I feel like it or not. I love them and want them safe and happy. I have 2 right now.I will pray for you to have the strength to leave this abusive man, to get away so you can make the best life-long choice for the baby, and so you can grow as a person and to never make the same mistakes again. I will pray for you to see the need to ask God for forgiveness and for Him to guide you in all that you do. The baby being mixed will allow more parents to be able to try to adopt.I don't like to think Mixed-Baby, the baby is just one of
God's miracles to love. Contact me if I can help.

Answer 3

Please do not kill your baby! I would tell you that you would have to live with that decision every day of the rest of your life...but you already know that. It dosen't matter how it is justified...to intentionally stop a beating heart is murder. I understand that people make bad decisions, but you should learn from them, not repeat them. Stand up for your baby. Get a restraining order on him and go to your local Crisis Pregnancy Center or your local DHS and tell them your situation. They will be able to guide you in the right direction with adoption. My suggestion would be for you to see if there is a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your town first. Do not take the life of an innocent child. There are many verses in the bible that speak of knowing a child while in the womb. Read Exodus 23. Learn from your past mistakes. Don't let the death of two children be in your thoughts for the rest of your life. give this child the life he deserves!

Answer 4

First: He is abusive and will continue the abuse. It is a normal pattern of abusive men to be very nice and attentive when they are not abusive---don't be fooled by it. You can't change him. If he wants to change, it takes fairly long term therapy. Go to a shelter!!!

Second: As a disabled person you can get assistance for you and the child. Many parents are opposed to a biracial grandchild, but often adjust before the end of the pregnancy. They will probably come to love the child.

Third: You have control of your body! Use contraception on your own, condoms are good for STD's, but don't depend on them exclusively.

Answer 5

omg first off let me say that i am extremly sorry. no woman should have to deal with that! you need to leave him and leave him good. go out meet other people if you feel lonely don't go back to him please!! i fear for your life hun! okay. technically if you call the police station and talk to them about it then i bet you can put it up for adoption without his permission. he's not a father and the cops will understand that. tell them that you want a restraning order on you AND the baby!!! even if you do give it up for adoption. he has no say if he forced you to have the baby in the first place and since he abuses you then he doesn't have any right telling you what you should do with YOUR baby! not his! GET OUT AND GET OUT FAST!! i don't know about the church situation but if you can't get arrest (which i believe you might because its child abandonment) but if not then do that! all im saying is you don't deserve this hun! good luck and keep in touch i want to know what your decision is

Answer 6

You can put it up for adoption! Go to your local adoption clinic or woman's clinic (they will tell you where your adoption office is). Let them know what is going on. They can help you in this situation whether you keep the baby or not.
You also need to get out of that abusive relationship. Even without a child to take care of, your b/f is putting you in danger.
Please do it for yourself and the baby. It will be okay.

When you go to the adoption office, tell the worker there about the relationship you are in. Even though it is his child, they do not neccessarily need his approval if he is abusive.

Answer 7

you dumbass...why didnt you ran as fast as you could after the first time he became abusive...

now you have an abortion cause you are worried he will hurt the baby...and what did you do, kill it, right?

you need to get help...go to the battered womans shelter and get them to help you, find you somewhere else to stay and get help for you raising that child. when you have the kid, give it up for adoption or make it your lifes mission to provide for that child. you have made your bed, so you must lay in it. get away from that man...i cant believe that you didnt go on birthcontrol.

people like you make me so mad...you are stupid and you know it! i hope that you feel like crap after you read this, go back to that womans shelter, tell them how stupid you have been but you are willing to do whatever it takes to get away from this abusive man, bring this child into the world and give it the best chance at life. after that...go and get your tubes tied so that you can make a "mistake" again that has a life-time for consequences for any number of people...

Answer 8

You have to get away from him. I'm sure that it is difficult at a women's shelter, but put the needs of your baby ahead of everything else. There are many families out there desperate to adopt your baby. Don't let this man near your baby or you will regret it!

Answer 9

First of all, you seem to be the type of woman that enjoys drama in your life. You seem to need a man to make you feel worthy and important. Well, now it's time to quit playing the victim. He will continue to abuse you and control you only as long as you allow him to. It's that simple. Take control of your life. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your child. It really sickens me, thinking of all the aborted babies and babies in foster care because of people like you who can't seem to get their **** together. Quit crying about it to a bunch of strangers and figure out the best solution for your child.

Answer 10

Any man who beats a woman is a coward not a man. From bad to worse is where it will go. Get out of there. Tell your family what is going on if they say get lost there are many places that help women in your situation. But I you need help from them ask them to help relocate you so you can start fresh. Far far away. Best of luck.