Im so confused I am with my husband for 7 yrs and 13 dating. We have 3 kids together and things just arent the same anymore. The Flame has gone out and theres no hope of it starting up again, Ive tried and tried but i just cant help my feelings there not the same anymore. When we are are at home we are usually in 2 separate rooms and go to sleep at different times. HELP!!! Do I stay for the kids??? and if not how do u tell 3 toddlers that daddy dont live here anymore??
2006-07-26 15:06:03 · 24 answers · asked by Aryakiddinme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seek marriage counseling.
2006-07-26 15:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by Shayna 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You tell the 3 toddlers exactly that: Daddy doesn't live here anymore, but he will come visit a lot and you get to visit him a lot. Toddlers don't have a concept of time in the same fashion as adults have it.
IMO, staying for the kids is the worst of all reasons to stick it out in a loveless marriage. Kids are amazingly resilliant when it comes to divorce. What will make the difference in how they handle it is how civilised the two of you behave. The kids should never suffer and both parents should continue to be good parents. You already go to sleep at different times and spend time in separate rooms... for all intents and purposes, this marriage is over anyway and the older the kids get, the more they'll notice it. They will sense the tension between you two. Cut the tie amicably and be good and caring parents.
2006-07-26 15:33:38 · answer #2 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't tell them that. Yes, you do stay for the kids, and you keep on trying for the kids. You are bored with your life in general, and you are festering on the lack of passion, etc. between you and your husband. You are a prime target for an affair, so this needs to get under control asap. Understand that a relationship is going to change through the years, and that is called REAL WORLD. You have to roll with the changes together, finding a way to remain close and not grow apart. This means time together without kids, counseling, finding some common interests that you can participate in together, attend some marriage workshops, etc. You haven't REALLY "tried and tried" yet. The hard work is just about to begin, and you need to by God do this, if not for you, for your KIDS.
2006-07-26 15:32:46 · answer #3 · answered by julesl68 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the relationship between you and your husband should be first and then the kids. If you have done everything possible to make your marriage work and you still are coming up empty then staying just for the kids is the wrong thing to do.You and your husband are the loving example of what a grown up relationship is for your kids. If you will be Happy for your kids when they grow up and are settling for what you have now then I guess you'll stay. Truly before you decided to go give it everything you have before you walk away. If you can't be happy leave.
As for telling your kids, you should keep them on a need to know bases. Tell them that daddy does not live with us cause we are not together, or because we are doing what's best. They are young and the don't need to know every thing, keep it short and sweet
2006-07-26 15:24:49 · answer #4 · answered by shiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it that you think you're missing in your relationship? Is it the sex? Have you discussed any of this with your spouse? Have you thought about getting counseling either seperately or together?
Staying in a loveless marriage isn't necessarily a terrible thing, but it's not so great, either.
Have you thought about what your life would be like if you divorced? Make a list of pros and cons, and in the "cons" column, put down NO MONEY and NO TIME for yourself, because you are going to have to take care of the kids on your own.
Also, how are you going to feel after you divorced and your husband finds someone else before you do?
Personally, I think you should give it one more try. Insist you have a "date night" once every 2 weeks or more, if you can handle it. Spend some time with your husband and be affectionate for a change and see if it doesn't alter his behavior.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-26 15:13:05 · answer #5 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
definately try marriage councelling
with 3 kids it must be hard to go out on dates... but make an effort to go out once a week
sometimes with kids you can get so caught up in the rush of it all that you forget that you cant JUST be a mum that you are a wife too that has needs... as your husband may also want to forget he is a dad for a few hours and have some fun with is woman
try and do things so you arent so rushed off your feet
cut corners... keep life so simple.... the house doesnt have to be perfect... whatever it takes to get some you time do it
you need to have a chat with him about it... make some time for eachother to do that
but dont think the first option to be is to leave... im sure it feels like it is the solution but wait a bit
he must try as well for this to work... but usually we are the ones that have tio get the ball rolling
keep it a positive experience and let him know you want something good to come out of this and you dont wan to fight about it but you are ready to make it work as long as he does too
dont ever make decisions like this based on the kids... what will benefit them the most is whteher they havea happy mum or sad mum
all the best darling
2006-07-26 15:17:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't put a marriage back on track by yourself. After the children go to bed tell you husband you need to talk. Let him know how your feeling and that you're seriously thinking of leaving. Then get counseling. Take 5 minutes to think about what your life will be like trying to raise 3 children by yourself. The money will stink because there will be 2 households to maintain...the children will be divided on weekends, holidays and summers. There's a lot to think about .....you could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Stay for the kids, NO....Stay for your family....YES.
2006-07-26 15:23:43 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything we do as parents teaches our children something. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it isn't. When you stay in a loveless marriage you are telling your children that it is okay to settle, it is okay to not be happy. I had moved out by the time things at my house got really bad. However, it was painful to see my parents in their separate bedrooms, never talking or enjoying each others company, neither one really giving a damn about what the other was doing or feeling. That is not a relationship--that is being roomates. It is easier to leave while children are younger. They don't go through the guilt and shame that older children do. Do what is right for you and sets a good example for your kids. Don't settle!
2006-07-26 15:29:19 · answer #8 · answered by JC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in "staying for the kids" but I do believe that if you have a husband who doesn't cheat, is a good father, is good to you, and makes you feel safe, then you have a responsibility to your vows to try everything under the sun to make this work. You have no idea how incredibly difficult it is to raise 3 children on your own until you are doing it. I agree that you need to try counseling both couples and individually. Please don't throw away a relationship that could be fixed because you are bored. Your children have the right to two parents who are willing to give their all. Good Luck
2006-07-26 15:34:30 · answer #9 · answered by G-Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying for your kids sake can be very harmful to them. Kids can tell if their parents are happy or not. You and your husband are their role models. Just because you two separate doesn't mean neither of you love your kids any less. You just need to sit them down and carefully find your words to explain how you both feel, and that it's not any fault of theirs. It'll hurt them and scare them too, but in time, if you and your husband stay civil to one another and not try to make the kids pick sides, I think all will work out for all of you. They just want your love and they can get that from the both of you whether you're together or apart.
Take it from me, my parents stayed together for my sake. They fought all of the time and were never happy. My dad messed around, and my mom cried all of the time. It was heartbreaking for me, and somehow, I felt responsible for it all cause no one would really talk to me and explain things to me. Today, I don't trust anyone and have gotten myself into some relationship messes. It's just not healthy.
2006-07-26 15:19:36 · answer #10 · answered by Fuzzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never stay for the sake of the kids because the kids will be brought up in a very bad environment. Be honest and just part ways in a friendly way. I did that 20 years ago.......my ex and I are good friends and the kids grew up with a loving mom and dad.
2006-07-26 15:12:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋