My friend has been cheating on her husband for quite some time now. Her husband is a nice guy and i have become good friends with him, too. I feel bad knowing his wife cheats on him and i actually feel guilty like im an accomplice or something. Should i tell him or hint to him or should i just mind my own business?
Help?! My conscience is eating at me. Tell me what you will do?
2006-07-26 15:03:56 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
no im not interested in him. im in a relationship.
2006-07-26 15:11:43 · update #1
well i would tell her you are going to tell him if she does not stop...but i know for sure that it will hurt the husband to find out..i think i would tell her that and maybe quit hanging around with her or being around either of them...they may get back together and work everything out and then you will be the one they get mad at anyway...so let it go i think...stay away from them.. it is not right what she is doing at all...and
i think i would stay out of it...i would tell your friend that what she is doing is not right.. and that you are really bothered about this.. and that you have even thought of telling him.. but either way someone is going to get hurt or mad...maybe you should just stay away from them for awhile until they work their problems out.. i think sometimes getting involved in another couples life is not worth it for you..and they may stay together even after he does find out but it will embarrass him and hurt him.. i have heard of things like this and i think it is better to stay out of it.. but i go along with the fact that it is not right at all ...and i hope he opens his eyes to what she is doing.. i also hope there is no children involved in this relationship....but you read all the answers and then think about it before you do anything..you can not take back something after you do it...
2006-07-26 15:16:28 · answer #1 · answered by sanangel 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not your business to tell, but you can talk to your friend about it and stop hanging out with her husband. The more you hang out with him, the worse you will feel and you might start something with him and you will be just as bad as you friend. And if your conscience is eating you up that bad, end the friendship. A lot of times your friends are a reflection of you and if you disagree then leave. No matter what happens, the truth is ugly and there is no way around it. It won't be a "happy" ending.
2006-07-26 15:11:01 · answer #2 · answered by annarenee83 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let it run its own course and Not tell. You must be a good friend to her in order to KNOW what is going on. If you were to tell you would be throwing her trust away. Many Times After Couples find out about infedilty they choose to forgive and try to forget. If that Becomes the case then You could be left the ODD one out or just uncomfortable being around them :-s On the Other hand if you speak up they could possibly BLOW up and end the relationship which I doubt you would want to cause that, I would think you would be better off to talk to your friend and tell her how her fooling around bothers you. Maybe she will Wise up and Stop or at least be open enough to tell her "other" that she needs change. Then it would be her choice whether she carried on or not and you could have a clear conscience.
Good Luck
2006-07-26 15:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by D B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard but you really need to keep this information to yourself. It's not your place to butt in on personal relationships no matter the conditions. If you do tell, it could turn around and bite you back.
The he said, she said game can go wild and then your stuck in the middle. I'm sure if you know about the cheating, your new male friend also knows or at least has a clue of the infidelities.
This is his problem to sort out with his partner, not yours. You do not want to be the bad guy/girl in the situation.
2006-07-26 15:11:57 · answer #4 · answered by ~brigit~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen its best that you do these following things in this order:
1. SAY NOTHING TO THE HUSBAND.................you don’t want to be in the middle of one of these situations gone bad..... The likelihood that they fight momentarily and she lies or begs here way out of it are more likely than him taking your advice and either setting her straight or leaving her...
2. Be honest with your female friend in this relationship and let her know that it bothers you and you still want to be both their friends and want them both to be happy ultimately. If she says she’s going to continue with the cheating tell her you’re still her friend but please don’t tell you so much info so you don’t feel as guilty! (Eviently more than she does)
3. Encourage her to go to counseling if she wants to stay in the relationship and/or talk to her to find out why she’s cheating.....as he may be doing the same thing but she might find it embarrassing to tell you that and still empowering to show you she can "DO HER OWN THING"!
4. Remember that your ultimate alliances are with your original friend....... If your emotions become blurred then you should detach yourself from the social environment that these two are involved in and maybe ask yourself while looking in the mirror if you have an agenda yourself (Do you like him, are you thinking you can threat him better)
5. IF all of the above fail to give you piece of mind send your male friend an anonymous letter letting him know what’s up but in a subtle way! In other words don’t give him details that might allow him to catch his wife in a compromising position and it get ugly (the last thing you need on your conscience is one person hurt (or worse) and the other in jail). But instead ask him in this letter if he’s noticed some things that have changed with his wife behavior and does he think his wife is 100% faithful. if that doesn’t start him asking, watching or snooping then for some reason he doesn’t care or chooses to be in denial and if you didn’t follow my advice in step #1 above and had told him anyway then you would have put your relationship with both friends in jeopardy for no good result!
6. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE TELL ANYONE ELSE (that could cause a lot of harm if the husband finds out in the middle of the gym around his buddies that heard a rumor about his wife cheating as guys can be really mean)
7. Remember step #1
If you like my answer please select it BEST ANSWER! Also Feel free to send me a follow up question if you like!
Thanks
2006-07-26 16:08:13 · answer #5 · answered by bigsho222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, that's a tough one. There's one school of thought that says to stay out of it and let people deal with their own problems. But then there's the other school of thought that says that people can't actually deal with their problems if they don't know they exist, so we should help them see clearly. I happen to belong to the second school of thought. If one of my friends (or his friends)knew that my husband was cheating on me and didn't tell me, I would be so sad. I would feel betrayed not only by my husband, but also by my friend. Not to mention humiliated because I was the last to know. But that's just my opinion. It also depends on whether or not you have any actual proof that she is cheating. If you tell the husband and the wife denies it, it's basically your word against hers. And are you willing to deal with the "kill the messenger" syndrome that you may get in response to your news?
It's your decision, but for what it's worth, I would want to know.
2006-07-26 15:09:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should confront your friend for cheating... make her understand that what she is doing is wrong and explain the consequences if her husband were to find out.....
You should approach her first cause if she can see the damege she is doing, then maybe everything will be well and ok.. and you may not have to tell him... However, if this doesnt work,... then you could either ignore her ( her husband would be curious and this may be uncomfortable for her)... or just tell him... your pick.. either way, you will lose her friendship...
2006-07-26 15:08:49 · answer #7 · answered by Sheila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him but that is because I am reckless in regards to consequences. I would confront your friend. Ask her why they hell she is making such a spectacle of herself her husband and (if they have any) kids. She is the epitome of disgust as far as I am concerned. Did I tell you I am highly opinionated as well? lol
Ask her what she believes she is accomplishing. Ask her if it is just total lack of maturity or if she is looking for a childish cheap thrill. This is really the unselfish way to go...that is ruining ur friendship versus ruining their family, as if she didn't ruin it enough already. Maybe if you confront her head on it will wake her up.
2006-07-26 15:11:40 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get involved, "all redentors end up crucified" this is the kind of situation nobody wins, many times when third parties get involved, they end up losing both friendships and usually the couple gets back together, so let it run its natural course, nobody really knows whats going on in a relationship, do not get involved.
2006-07-26 15:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by Joe V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most likely he knows inside already. You should talk to your friend and let her know that what she is doing is wrong. She would be better off getting a divorce and playing around than hurting someone the she at least at one point must have loved.
2006-07-26 15:07:30 · answer #10 · answered by monkey f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋