Not that i want to dump him...
but he is very brutal and uncaring and just talks crap. we fight a lot over finances, chores etc...but thats not a problem. Its only the hurtful words which he says at times...it portrays me in a bad manner...sometimes i begin doubting myself?? I feel underconfident ...which is bad for my profession. Yes he is very good at pointing fingers...just so good you would want to believe that he says. Am i being a little too sensitive? or is it ok ??
What should I do to deal with these negetive feelings...i do not even feel like going near him...its been very frequent these days...
2006-07-26 15:00:35 · 14 answers · asked by Larissa_J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's a reflection of you and can you do better than this. all woman go through it. when it sucks it sucks and when it's good it's great.
2006-07-26 15:06:01 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
On the surface, it sounds like a bad relationship lacking mutual respect. I don't know everything that has and is occurring in the relationship, so I'll leave my current evaluation with that statement.
As to sensitivity, if it hurts, then you shouldn't feel apologetic. That is your reality, and one he has chosen to live with. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, but be constructive about it. Explain how hurtful things are and what things make you feel that way. If he shows a lack of caring and disregards your feelings then you have a serious decision to make. For me, that would be a deal-breaker, and I would definitely end the relationship. But, that is just me, and some people are content in an abusive relationship.
The reality is simply this, nobody is absolutely perfect, and those imperfections can be wonderfully quirky. You need to identify if there are truly deal-breakers in your relationship. For me, these are things like cheating, lying, any dishonesty, lack of respect, and abusive behavior. What are yours? Identifying those will lead you to true happiness no matter how difficult the process might be. Good luck.
2006-07-26 22:15:32 · answer #2 · answered by chris m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've pretty much answered your own question there. Do you seriously believe that he loves you?
Would you cut someone down that you love?
Try not to be an amateur psychologist and overanalyze what's going on. Sure, maybe he's insecure or maybe it's just that he's so comfortable with you that he feels he can just "be himself" around you and just let you take the crap as fast as he can dish it out, but does that make for a happy relationship?
Ask yourself sometime exactly why you're in this. Instead of looking for an explanation for his behavior, look for an explanation for your own behavior... why do you think it isn't a problem to fight over finances and chores. What's there to fight about? It actually sounds as if you two are not at all compatible and maybe that's what's coming through.
2006-07-26 22:13:38 · answer #3 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there...it sounds like I have looked in the mirror. My boyfriend of 7 yrs resembles a lot of the behavior as your SO. He is manipulative in the relationship and when things are not his way, he may give the silent treatment for days on....until I soften up the matter, even if it's not my fault. Everything is pointed at me in blame, and in our 7 yrs I have never, seriously, never received an "I'm sorry". Many friends/family think I can do better...but I love him so and it's hard to understand how to communicate to a one-sided relationship.
My mother recently gave me a book called "The Verbally Abusive Relationship, How to recognize it and how to respond" by Patricia Evans.
This may give some insight or guidance. It has been an interesting book with lots of reality. I'm still working on the book.
2006-07-26 22:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by SMILEYGIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is very brutal and uncaring and just talks crap. we fight a lot over finances, chores etc...but thats not a problem. Its only the hurtful words which he says at times...it portrays me in a bad manner...sometimes i begin doubting myself??
are you listening? get your s**it and leave if not tonight then in the morning.
2006-07-26 22:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by MST 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let circumstances or people control your joy. My advice to you is to know who you are, and not let someone try to convince you that you are someone else. Words are a very powerful thing. They either curse or bless. He is cursing you and I know that it hurts to hear someone you care about say things so hateful. A lot of men do that so don't feel like it is something that you did. Maybe it is the testosterone. All I know is that if you are lonely and you need someone to talk to Jesus will always listen.
2006-07-26 22:55:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I strongly recommend you review internet on the much disputed concept of "co-dependency." Spouses of abusive or addicted husbands tend to question their own feelings, too. It is okay--and NORMAL--to have negative feelings about your spouse. I recommend that YOU try some counseling to help you rebuild some of your confidence. Then, and only then, I would recommend marriage counseling for the both of you. Good luck.
2006-07-26 22:09:16 · answer #7 · answered by PolicyWonk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUMP THIS GUY. he should know that you are worth more then what he has given you!!! you should make 2 lists - - one of good things and one of bad things in your relations ship. see which one's bigger. and ALSO - if he just recently started acting annoying and mean, he might want to dump you but doesn't have the guts to talk to you so now he's asking mean so YOU'LL break up with HIM.
2006-07-26 22:06:17 · answer #8 · answered by GirliGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey,what ever comment you get here or sugg you are going to do what you want to do and that is to stay with him becuase if you didnt you wouldnt be on here asking you would just be packing your bags. now do you have kids? anything to stay together for if not leave than you only have one life and you dont want to spend it with the wrong person. there is someone for everybody. and maybe he isnt your somebody becuase god wouldnt give you someone so nasty and when he finds that someone than thats when he will change
2006-07-26 22:13:53 · answer #9 · answered by girl19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own q.WHY even stay with someone that makes you feel like that??I hope you have some respect for yourself to at least give him the choice to shape up or ship out.
2006-07-26 22:08:30 · answer #10 · answered by missyandgordon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you've been in the realtionship too long even a min. is too long....someone that makes you doubt yourself is the wrong somebody...don't waste any more time with this guy......It's not wrong to think that you deserve better....go now before he changes your mind...mind games are the most critical...they stick with you forever....
Hope you don't stay with him and change your life for the better....good luck girl...I'll pray for you
2006-07-26 22:07:12 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋