Did you plan to come out of the closet?

Question

To those of you who came out to your friends and/or family about being gay, was it something you thought about and planned or did you just bring it up in friendly conversation out of the blue? The reason I ask is because I was watching Inside Edition with my parents tonight and of course the top story was about Lance Bass....so with me being in the closet still it was awkward sitting there watching this and at the end my mom said that it's good that he's happy with being himself....i feel like i should have said something, but i felt rather caught off guard. I'm seriously ready to start coming out...I'm going to start with my brother next week and move onto mom and then to a select few friends....but I don't know if planning the whole event is just going to make it harder. I was talking with one of my friends on the phone today and felt like blurting it out of no where, but I don't have the balls to do that lol (no pun intended)

I'm pretty sure mom already knows...I'm just hoping she says she already knew, that would be a lot of weight off my shoulders, nothing else will matter. Even if I lose my friends I will still have mom, and if I do lose my friends they were never friends to begin with.

Answer 1

First off, have you ever seen the movie Grease, where they are in the Bathroom and one of the girls says "she thinks she's pregnant?" Then by the time she gets back to the car, everyone in the car already knows about it?

GET READY FOR IT!

#1. I'm going to START off by telling my brother. NOT a good choice. If you truly respect and love your mother and father, and I know you do, then WHY wouldn't you start with them, just out of respect.

Tell them that this doesn't mean you love them less or that you're any less their son. And that you hope they feel that way too when your done speaking to them. They may just be relieved after this that its not "drugs" or something else. In the biography of Aaron Fricke (Reflections of a Rock Lobster), his father went from saying "my only son is gay, to my son is only gay." So, remember, it takes time to adjust, their feelings today won't be their feelings in 2 months and the same for you.

Just remember, that once you come out, you never really ever "stop" coming out. That is, you will always meet new people who "don't know." And in this manner it will always be an ongoing process for the rest of your life.

Remember that your parents are at least as smart as you are so they MAY already have an idea, lol. After all, they have eyes and their own opinions and "talk amongst themselves."

Good luck!

Answer 2

I told my mom about 7 months ago, she knows I have a bf. My dad knows too as well as my siblings. They have all met my bf. and they hate the idea that Im gay(except for my brother, hes known forever and doesnt care). My dad told me he loved me no matter what immediatly after he found out. Yet a month ago he was crying and all of the sudden hated the fact that I was agy(mainly because his gay cousin died of HIV last year). And he didnt want me to be like that.... He tried everything he could to keep me from my bf, even tho Im 20 years old! and after I told him that even if he took away the boy I loved, I wouldnt stop being gay. I havent had anymore problems with him since. I think he has come to try and accept me. But my mom and my sister are ruthless. They are VERY hateful and its getting old. No matter what, they are your family. Its only a fight, my parents still support me and love me at the end of the day. They are just trying to find out why I like other guys. Its more of them trying to understand it, I know in time things will get better and all the hate towards homosexuals will recede when they come to realize that this is how I am and nothing they do or say can change that.

My words to you: Dont be scared, your still the same person you always were, your parents have always loved you! Just because they know something now shouldnt make them love you any less. They want you to be honest with them! Why should you live a lie to make them happy? Its your life! Live it!

Answer 3

I really didn't "plan" on coming out of the closet. I was "outted" by my sister...who I had told just that last week about my spouse and I (by the way we were at 20 years). My sister..bless her...went right to my Mother (after I had asked her pleaaaase not to) and then she told me she did it. The emotions were indescribable and it was the WORST week of my life until I could get the time off to go down and chat with Mama. Thankfully (whew) Mama said she basically already knew and that she loved me and my partner. She said that I would always be her baby (whaaaaa.....) and that Love is where you find it. We however have opted to keep my father in the don't ask don't tell category. Then my sister and I had a looong talk.
Please have a plan. Don't let this happen to you. My story turned out to be alright in the long run (my partner and I are approaching 26 years in Oct.) but make darned certain you're the one in control when you do come out. Blessings on you, my child.

Answer 4

Most of the experts suggest having a plan. This helps you to have somebody on your side when you move on to the harder people to tell. There are great coming out resources available from places like the Human Rights Campaign.

Answer 5

It's definitely good to have a plan, rather than 'blurting' at a bad time.

On the other hand, it can be as simple as starting at the beginning by picking the first person, picking the right time, and foomf!

Sound like Mom might already have a clue. ;-)

Answer 6

I just wanted to share. When I thought I was a lesbian. I didn't get the chance to come out. My family found out because the girl's mother found a letter and called my house and said she wanted to admit her daughter to a crazy hospital because I turned her gay. Which I didn't. We never did anything! So, now everyone kinda looks at me differently in my family, even though I consider myself straight I'm just attracted to females. :-) Good luck with coming out sweetheart

Answer 7

I intentionally told my brother and my friends, but I never meant to tell my parents and I didn't want my little sister to know until she was older. Actually, my father started bashing homosexuals and I got pissed off at him and told him. My mom and sister were present at the time.

Answer 8

I am still fighting with myself on if to tell my parents or not.

My brother told them he was bisexual and they were so upset with him [they are SUPERBLY religious]. My mother still wont speak to him and its been five years.

I already have a horrible relationship with my mother, and I would rather not completely elimate her from my life.. but I can't hide it.

All of my friends know, my boyfriend knows that I'm bisexual. My brother knows and everything but I cant bring to tell my parents..

I have tried several times.. but I cant do it.

:-(

Answer 9

well, go easy on your family...but as my mother used to say "a coward dies a thousand deaths"--meaning that until you do something you are planning you will relive it over and over in your mind....You sound like you really need to talk to your family and you sound like you know the order you should move in..Good Luck I hope it all goes welll for you.

Answer 10

no longer in all probability; properly ever on account that I informed my mom and dad, which failed to rather artwork out. My way of popping out could be getting a boyfriend ^^ anybody could extraordinarily lots be attentive to them ^^