How do I approach my 14 year old son, after finding porn that he downloaded? I'm really dissapointed & upset.

Answer 1

If it's tasteful porn / soft porn, I wouldn't worry too much about it. At least he's not downloading gay porn. HOWEVER, at the same time, you don't want to be soft on him because then he will think you are condoning his behavior. With a firm voice, I will tell him to come here, sit him down in front of the computer, and pull up the porn pics on the screen. If dad is present too, this will be even better. He will feel VERY, VERY AWKWARD in front of his parents. Sound DISAPPOINTED at his behavior, and let him know that you will not allow this in YOUR house. I will then put a parental control block on it. Being curious is one thing but start early with porn and who knows what he will be like when he's older. HE SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON SCHOOL.

Answer 2

First of all, realize that porn can quickly become addictive so be prepared for this possibility - i.e. that your son is hooked on it.

Secondly, be ready to talk at length about why porn is so wrong, about how it degrades women and how by viewing it he is setting himself up for failure in future relationships with women (i.e. he will have unrealistic expectations and might also have problems staying faithful).

If your son admits to regular porn viewing, then he will need help just like any other addict. If this was just an occassional thing, though, he will still need a talking to.

Until you get to the bottom of it all, I would totally restrict his computer access. When he asks why, then you would explain what you found. He is not only doing something wrong, but he is betraying a trust - i.e. your belief that he is mature enough to use the computer for good purposes.

Don't let ANYONE tell you "there's nothing wrong with porn." It's addictive and destructive and I've seen it tear families apart. It fills our heads with sick and unrealistic fantasies and encourages women to be used as sex objects and not respected. Furthermore, there's no such thing as "safe porn" and "sick porn" because one inevitably leads to another. Any porn addict will tell you that the "safe stuff" is never enough and they eventually start looking at gays, lesbians, animals and even babies and kids.

God bless you for being concerned!

Answer 3

Don't be too hard on him. At his age, boys are extremely curious about girls and sex, and I'm sure you know that already. Looking at porn is the typical way for a curious, developing teenager to explore his newly aquired sex-drive.

You need to explain to him exactly WHY you're disappointed. If you feel it's necessary, put adult site blockers on your computer. However, I must warn you that this doesn't mean he will never look at pornography again. He will find a way somehow before he turns 18.

The best you can do is equip him with information to make his own decisions. Explain to him that porn is fantasy, and that real girls are not sex objects. Explaining to him why you don't approve of it may also influence his decisions.

Whatever you do, don't punish him. You can't blame a hormonal teenager for being interested in sex.

Answer 4

He's a 14year old....this is normal. Obviously talk to him and let him know that the fantasy is not what is all about. That women are not sexual objects. But being 14 he is post pubescent and is looking for answers. It is perfectly normal. Have you or the father talked to him about sex? He is probably curious. Better to get info from the parent or even a porn mag than get misinformation in school from peers. Look at it this way, at least you didn't find him in the bed with his girlfriend having unprotected sex.

Answer 5

I'm 14 and every single guy my age, I MEAN EVERY SINGLE ONE, watches porn, downloads porn etc. etc. It's normal, man. He's gonna find it some how even if you put blocks on your computer. They're sooo easy to disable. These days, us teens have so much computer knowledge it's almost impossible to completely monitor what we do. But somehow, he'll watch porn again whether it's at home or with his friends. Good luck with that, haha.

Answer 6

Tell him that it is normal for boys his age to be curious about things like that. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with porn, and you need to teach him this, BUT on the same note, there is nothing wrong with porn as long as you are the legal age to access and possess it. Yet another point you need to discuss is that these women usually don't have the self-esteem to lead a "nomal" life and that women like that should be helped, not oogled.

Answer 7

You need to have a very serious talk with him, and don't do it when you are angry. Explain why it is so very wrong. I like the idea of using an example of what if others were looking at pictures of his mom, or sister. You need to take away his computer privileges for a very long time, and monitor that he is not doing it at a friend's house, or somewhere else.

Answer 8

Unfortunatly teenage boys are ALL gonna try to check out porn. In the old days they jerked off to the sears and roebuck magazine.. noawdays the net is all too easy to find smut on. Be upfront and frank... and dont let him get online anymore. Its YOUR house. Tell him porn is not allowed there. Period.

Answer 9

i just went through this with my sons. first, accept the fact that he is normal looking at porn and tell him that its ok to be curious. what isnt ok is that he wasnt being discreet and left porn for u his mom or his sister or anyone else to see.

tell him that porn is not real sex, that its staged like wrestling and if he thinks that is the way to make love to a woman, he is mistaken. that kind of sex is borderline abuse. tell him from a womans viewpoint of we like to be treated sexually.

but first, u gotta get rid of feeling upset and disappointed otherwise the "talk" wont go well. - A mom of sons

Answer 10

first thank youself for allowing it in your house. then make a big deal out of it so he is miserable and screwed up sexually.because 14 year olds love talking porn with their moms.oh and spend some more time online that might help too.

Answer 11

confronte him and tell im that its not appropreate...but dont be easy on him other wise he wont take it seriously....get spam guard and stuff.....have you talk to him about this before? if so ground him if not then dont ground him but if he does it again then ground him,take away the computer,and if you have to take off the door.....ok it sounds extrem but if he doesnt have a door he doesnt have a small corner to go into and look at his por also if he doesnt have a computer he cant get it unless from someone else but thats easy to stop...tell their parents...lol..but yeah you cant let him keep doing this because he will think girls are objects to own when there not!!!