my husband told me 2 weeks ago that he loves me but not like he used to. ok, the first week i cried a lot and kissed his a**, i really love him. that didnt work he acted the same. ignoring me and being hateful. this week i have acted like i dont give a crap, walk around, doing normal things and hardly talk to him. 3 days of that and he was trying to hug me and says stop being so mean to me. im confused. i think he still loves me, but what do i do to get him to act like his old self again? continue to act like i dont care or what?
2006-07-26 13:52:56 · 21 answers · asked by ngwife 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we've been together 6 1/2 years, married 4. from my previous questions, he returned from iraq 2 months ago, and says he feels different about everything. i really am at my wits ends. i love him so much, but cant stand the ways hes been acting.
2006-07-26 14:22:23 · update #1
oh, and counseling is out of the question, he wont go. and he swears he is not having an affair
2006-07-26 14:23:15 · update #2
NO, no. Please talk to him. There are times that we do things to each other that make us fall out of love for one another. I am not saying that is what has happened but it is possible to fall in love with that same person. Incase you haven't read it, Men are from mars, women are from Venus is a great book. Just don't tell him that you are investigating why he is acting like this. Guys dont' like to be disected. But we liked to be talked to in a calm manner.
2006-07-26 13:57:43 · answer #1 · answered by D-man 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you care, so don't try to act like you don't - you only hurt both of you by doing that.
Perhaps he is going through a hard time or is experiencing new stresses in his life -- you didn't give enough info in your question so I have to guess some.
Take a mini-weekend vacation with him, try to enjoy something new together, try to talk alone about life and the future, see if there is any of that spark that rekindles.
Maybe he's depressed, are there any other symptoms?
The last possibility is a downer... has he met anyone new and exciting? Sometimes it only means he misses the excitement. Is life 'too normal' all the time?
I hope this helped, I wish you would have told more.
2006-07-26 14:04:48 · answer #2 · answered by mb5_ca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be depressed. Is he lacking interest in his other interests? How is he sleeping? Get him to the doctor.
Get some marital counseling.
I sounds like your relationship needs some work asap, but he needs to be part of it.
Are there any signs that he might be having an affar?
Go ahead and tell him if he is going to treat you like you are an invisabvle roomate, then you will act like that too. And that when he is ready to talk...let you know. Write this all down so he can't say you never tried.
Be sure and take good care of yourself. Don't fall in to the pit with him.
2006-07-26 14:04:23 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's playing silly games. Tell him to grow up! Yes keep acting like you want nothing to do with him, when he tries to hug you say hmmm you couldn't be bothered with me last week while tearing my heart out, i'm over it and now i can't be bothered with you. let him suffer a little while longer until he fully gets the grasp of what he did you so he'll think about it long and hard before he pulls this stupid crap again. Sometimes men just don't 'get it' until they get a taste of their own medicine. Not to mention that it demonstrates that you will NOT be taking his crap and doing nothing about it but crying and that you won't lay down and take it when he feels the need to walk all over someone.
2006-07-26 14:00:42 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ngwife--I looked at some of your previous questions and noticed that your husband just returned from Iraq. I don't know what type of service he did, or how long, but long-term immersion in a different culture/country can shift someone's mental framework for some time. My nephew, who I'm really close to, spent 3 years abroad, and we talked about it. It took him a good 6 months for him to start to feel "normal" again.
2006-07-26 14:02:28 · answer #5 · answered by Pepper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your little reality check worked a little bit. Just play a little game of hard to get. Try not to go too far with it. When you first met you didn't open up to him right away and he chased you. Just get him to chase you a little. Don't be mean about it. Giggle and have fun learning how to fall in love again. If you used to go to amusement parks or places to date then try that but attitude means everything. Have fun
2006-07-26 14:02:21 · answer #6 · answered by Go Rush! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Weird. Love progresses towards different areas the longer you are with a person. I love my wife, but the initial feeling of the lust I had for her has eased up. She is as beautiful as ever, but our relationship is about 10 years old now and I have grown accustomed to her.
In that sense, I don't love my wife like I used to, but that doesn't mean I love her any less.
2006-07-26 14:00:52 · answer #7 · answered by Pappa Poopy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does love you. What he did was just a tactic to see if you still care about him. You need to have a real good heart to heart chat and get to the botttom of this. Personally, I think he has always loved you just as much as the day you married. He is feeling insecure. Talk. It works.
2006-07-26 14:03:07 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs.King 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't continue to act like you don't care because that doesn't resolve anything. You need to spice things up and do something to him you haven't done before. (I mean sexually) You have to remember that sex is a HUGE part of the relationship. You need it, he needs it. But you should talk to him and see what he has going on. There is something there that he isn't telling you. I'm sure it's not all you.
2006-07-26 13:59:44 · answer #9 · answered by LaLaKat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the hell? I would love to know why your husband made that statement.
My advice? Seek out a good martial counselor. Sounds like you both need to get to the root of the problem.
2006-07-26 13:57:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋