Missing my freedom?

Question

I am a 24 yr old mother of a 2 yr old. Been with the father for 7 years...engaged for 2 yrs. I love him and our baby and I am a very responsible mother, I have no regrets when it comes to her. Lately I have been fantasizing about being with other men and being single again. I was raised without a father so breaking up our home is the last thing I want for my daughter. Is it always right to stay together for the kids? I feel like I am missing out on life, there are so many things I want to do and I feel like im being held back

Answer 1

You need to ask yourself if this is about sex or something else. If this is just about sex, you are having the same feelings that everyone in committed relationships has. Acting on them will leave you feeling guilty and probably ruin your relationship. However, if it is more about the other things you get in a relationship like trying new things, going new places, and adding a little spice to your life (not the sexual kind), then you need to figure out if you can be happy with who you are with before you marry. Staying for the kids teaches your child to settle on a mate instead of seeking out what you truly want. Good luck!

Answer 2

On the contrary, it is never right to stay together for the kids. Children learn what love and relationships look and feel like by what they see in their home lives so staying for the kids is about the worst idea anyone ever had and does nothing but doom them to misery in their adult lives. Its not some noble sacrifice, its stupid. Not to mention imagine the guilt they must feel when they find out that their mom and/or dad gave up any chance for happiness for 'them'. That is a lot of responsibility to put on a childs shoulder. Children shouldn't be born with jobs, especially not one as huge as holding a family together. Personally I would prefer that my kids not settle for less than a great relationship where they are loved, cherished and respected the way they should be. Any sacrifice I made would be one that gets them to that point.

Answer 3

There is two ways to go about this, either involve your baby's father in your plans so its not as restricting and more fun for you both. Or you to break up the engagement and make arrangements for when he can come over and pick up your daughter and spend time with him. Because if you go off to a bar and start flirting around with other guys, you will end up doing something that will drive your baby's father off and hurt him. And you don't want that for your little girl. It would be a very strained relationship between you and the father after that. So do what is best for both parties. Because its quite easy for you to get your needs met but not for your child or for her father.

Answer 4

From your post, honey, I gather its not so much your relationship that is in trouble by the fact that you love your man and your daughter. So in a sense its what is lacking in the relationship or what you feel is lacking in your personal life, making you feel as if life is passing you by, that is the problem.
You mention that you fantasize being with other men, tells me that your partner is not as attentive to you as he should be. Someone said that, " women are insatiable, and men are obtuse." In other words, women can't get enough loving reassurance, and men don't get the point. Honey, sit down and talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. God says " it is right to give a child two loving parents to start his journey of life." I whole heartedly believe that both of you, who lovingly made such a beautiful child, and who in the beginning of your relationship loved each other, cannot build upon that love again for the sake of your precious child. Its important in any relationship not to take each other for granted
The cost to alter your situation would be too great, not entirely for your own sake but for your child also. Instead of leaving try other alternatives, like talking with your partner, enrolling in school, getting a job. In other words dear. focus on what is changeable and go from there. Good luck.

Answer 5

First off you probably settled down to young. Secondly, you never had the chance it sounds like to actually really date and have fun. Also to answer your question about staying with the father just for the childs sake, I would say NO.. Its nice sure to have both parents, but if you are not happy, then the child will pick up on this eventually.. Follow your heart, it doesn't mean that your child has to be without both parents in his/her life.. Good Luck! Prayer is always good ... God Bless you!

Answer 6

Wow.
I will say it ISN'T right just to stay together just b/c of your daughter. It isn't healthy for you, for her, nor for your baby's father. It isn't fair to any of you either.
In 13+ years of marriage, I would be lying if I told you I never thought about being with another guy. My husband is the only man I have ever been with, and I used to wonder if I missed out on a lot of life by getting married at 19.
We went through some rough times, let me tell you, but we worked them through and we are very happy!
Rather than feeling like I missed out, he and I have plans for when our children grow up. We are going to be fairly young when our children are grown, so we know that we are going to live it up a bit and have that 'second childhood' together!!
If you are not in love with your fiancee right now, you need to talk with him and be honest about your feelings. Let him know you are second guessing the commitment and either ask for his love and support during this tough time in your relationship, or ask him for some space and figure it out on your own.
Just b/c you aren't together, it doesn't mean he can't be a big part of your daughter's life! You just have to work harder at it and plan more carefully if you two go your separate ways.

Answer 7

It kinda sounds like you grew up too fast & missed out on all of the things that "normally" happens during these years. That was the choice that you made. You say that you love the father of your child....while fantasies are normal, you acting on them is not normal if you "love" this man. Why don't you try & spice up your love life with him. It's natural to hit dull times with your significant other. It's up to you and to him to reclaim that "fire". Good luck!

Answer 8

Theres nothing gwrong with how you fell, its perfectly normal. It i had bee with my partner exclusively since 17, Id alsway wonder what it would be like with others. The sad part is, assuming you dont 'cheat,' you may always wonder

good luck making the right decision for you

Answer 9

Why don't you involve your partner in some of the things you want to do. Sleeping around just isn't right. You have a family and you said that you loved him. Why screw that up? I mean family is priceless and diseases are costly. Think about it.

Answer 10

and some people even though they are old are really not old enough to handle a commited relationship