What would you do if your same sex best friend has just approached you about being intimate?

Question

My same sex best friend has just asked me to be with him sexually!

I am not gay- actually I am happily married with kids- but why the hell would he want to that after knowing each other for 20 years?

I know he is going through alot with his ex-fiancee, but this has shocked me into posting this question and seeking help from you guys and girls.

What should I do if he is THAT comfortable (or insecure) to approach me like that.

We are both 27.

OK... let me go deeper. He came crying to me, saying I am the only one who loves him and don't see himself with anyone else, women included. Now, we have known each other since 5 and use to even take showers and sleep in the same bed together- as kids. I love him like a brother, but I think he might be suicidial....

Answer 1

You're familiar and comfortable, and maybe he HAS fallen in love with you at some point.

What to do is simple, though. You say something along the lines of, "I'm going to have this conversation with you just once. You know very well that I'm not gay, and I don't have any inclination to go that way. You're a dear friend, but if you can't accept things the way they are, I don't know if we'll be able to maintain a relationship." blah blah blah

Straightforward and honest, and nothing but.

Good luck!

Answer 2

You're not gay. So you shouldn't sleep with him. He's probably just confused and depressed now since you mentioned his marriage is going down the drain. He probably feels all women can't be trusted at this moment and that you being the one who was there with him all his life, is suitable for him. Hence, the sleeping idea.

You'll regret if you do sleep with him, cos you just don't sleep a buddy you grew up with! It's just not right. However, given that he is suicidal, you should watch him carefully, and be the best friend you always are. Try to talk him round. If that doesn't work, ask him to see a shrink. Just don't think that by sleeping with him, his problems will be solved.

In fact, I think it'll further complicate the problem.

Answer 3

My answer is a question. Are you shocked because he may be gay, because he has asked you, because of the implications of his revelation, all of the above, or something else? Seems to me he may not really be gay but because of current personal trauma is seeking solace. Then again he may be, but apart from the initial shock does it really matter. As to him asking you, well, be flattered and let him know firmly, but with friendship that it is not your bag. He should understand, but if he is vulnerable right now, he may not really be rational and know which way is up. I believe that you can only give him honesty and understanding and you dont have to pretend anything else. Oh, and he may really need professional help. Sometimes people do, even when they think they dont. Good luck, I hope it works out.

Answer 4

Ex fiancee? Was he on the downlow? Was that the reason they broke it off? Look there's nothing wrong with approachig U, just put him in his place politly. Let him him know that under NO circumstances would U ever (unless U would) have sex with him. He may just feel really comfortable with U, and ppl tend to love the ppl they are comfortable with. Just let him know U love him, but not like that. Not now, not ever. Your wife won't allow u to have a boyfriend.

Answer 5

the completed "friends with reward" element has an rather restricted shelf existence, so in case you do this, remember that particular rule. also: lay down some floor guidelines previously you lay down with him. Make it sparkling that you're going to verify persons, too, and under no circumstances to get "freaked out" about it in case you locate some different person. Or supply him the alternative to easily stay friends. you'll discover fcukbuddies everywhere. actual friends? no longer precisely a dime a dozen. As for that finished "you're the only" element - PUH-employ. Like it really is the first time a guy ought to assert or write something merely to get right into someone's' pants? like the music says, "threat: Heartbreak lifeless ahead!"

Answer 6

He's confused and emotional now, and probably wishes he never asked you. Just tell him that you'll be there for him as a friend, but not as a lover, just the same way you've been there for him your whole lives. He's probably afraid of being alone, and has a lot to sort out in his own head. Just be his friend, unconditionally. This is nothing to break up over - I bet he's seen you do things you regretted too.

Answer 7

If I were you, I would just tell him that you love him like a brother, but that's all your relationship is. He may be bisexual, but it seems more like he's just going through a hard time, and he's comfortable with you because you have known each other for so long. Be honest with him, because if you fudge the truth it will only hurt your friendship later on.

Answer 8

Maybe he's curious and would like to try it with someone he knows and trusts. He probably also trusts you enough not to get all homophobic on him or treat him any differently if you prefer not to.

If he had the nerve to ask you (and it must have been difficult for him to do so), he must have a lot of confidence in your friendship... and in you. It must be nice to be trusted that much.

Now stop being shocked and go have a beer with the guy! :)

Answer 9

He is probably pissed off with gurls now and needed someone to satisfy his graving for sex and love. Being friends for so long just not warrant him to approach you like that knowing that you are happily married and have children. It is extremely selfish of him to ask that silly question. He is not worth your friendship .. can you imagine how your family would break up. Probably he would like to share your wife next...... that would be disgusting.

Answer 10

Just explain that you are not bi , that you are happily married and that you are not interested . Don't get upset with him unless he keeps pursuing you. He just may have had a moment. Friends are dear. Good luck.