He says he is happy, i think i am enabling his bad behavior. I have tried ALL the advise, YES ALL! All i can do now is pray and wait. In the mean time i wish he would leave! Die or find someone else, 15 yrs. of marriage and 15 yrs. of trying
2006-07-26 12:08:07 · 9 answers · asked by melncda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your question was how to get out, not whether or not you should. To get out, you need to prepare; physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. Divorce is very, very hard on a person. It's worse than a death in the family, even if it's your choice. So...
1) Get in shape physically. Increased blood flow, metabolism, endurance and strength help you think more clearly. It also builds self esteem, which you will need.
2) Get in shape mentally. Carefully review your choice. Look at all the alternatives. Decide, rationally, that this is the best choice. Truly accept you're doing the right thing.
3) Get in shape emotionally. Build your self esteem. Guard your heart (he will attack it, trust me). You will be vulnerable to anyone who appears to offer you the things your marriage didn't. Don't allow yourself to be deluded... be careful of who you choose to share with for a while.
4) Get in shape financially. Have enough money or income to have a roof over your head and food on the table until the divorce is final. Reach out to friends and family if necessary. Freedom comes at a price.
The one thing you will seek in the divorce is closure; that it is truly over. So, when you go, go. Not just physically. But mentally and emotionally as well. Cut the ties. Don't give him a weakness to exploit. If you're going to end it, then end it. Cutting the dog's tail off an inch at a time just hurts the dog and bloodies you.
2006-07-26 12:44:15 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First find a place to live... 2nd, pack your stuff. 3rd, make sure you can still get to work, and kids are takin care of. And 4th, when you have the money, file for divorce and follow through. If you have done 15 yrs of this, you know it is not going to change... Do what you must. You must be happy in the relationship too.
I'll tell you what once somebody passed on to me " Pray, yes, but get your butt out there do something about it, make a desicion and right or wrong, stick with it. If you where wrong, appologize and let go of the outcome".
2006-07-26 19:53:35 · answer #2 · answered by kmspyker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I spent 13 years in a bad marriage and felt the same way as you. I used to wish he would fall down the stairs and break his neck or get a terminal illness. He claimed to be happy also but he was just happy because he had a woman to cook and clean for him. I ignored his drinking problem hoping he would change, he didn't. I used to hope he would leave but he didn't so I saved up some money and I left. When I divorced him I realised what an evil pig he really was and that our whole relationship had been a complete waste of my time and energy. You deserve happiness in your life and living like that will bring you down. Just leave him or kick him out and the best of luck to you.
2006-07-26 19:16:23 · answer #3 · answered by cazzi_g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took me years to get out of a relationship like that. I had to make up my mind and JUST do it. I saved money without him knowing it. I packed a get-a-way box full of things I would need. when on my own. I found an attorney. I borrowed money to pay her. I packed up and left. I had a cheep apartment.
I didn't think he would ever leave so I did to get it going.
Make up your mind to do it and get the process going. If he is presented papers for a divoice he will get in gear to deal with it. Don't wait for him to do it. It seems like is ok with the not so good marriage.
Be strong
2006-07-26 19:41:20 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check the laws where you live. In a LOT of states now you don't need your partner to agree with the divorce in order to get it (great for abuse cases, because what man would ever divorce his punching bag). If you really want out, then start doing your homework and figure out how to make it happen.
If he won't leave, then why can't you leave him instead?
2006-07-26 19:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself why you stay? If you can not find one good reason, then why would you put yourself through this?? Run don't walk out of this disaster. You deserve better than this.
2006-07-26 19:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you r not happy. if you are not and have tried to fix it, it sounds like you just need to leave. get out and be happy.
2006-07-26 19:11:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it really isn't getting any better, then it may be time to leave. (Goodness, you're wishing for his death?!?!?) Not good!
2006-07-26 19:11:26 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you pretty? you can leave anytime.
2006-07-26 19:43:17 · answer #9 · answered by soollddiieerr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋