Does one have to fake who they are to date for fear that who they are in truth isn't dateable?

Question

Was trying to think of best way to phrase that.

I get that i have multiple issues with my make up that make me highly undateable (no car, no desire to drive a car, no place of my own, no money, past credit and bad check issues) .. those i understand. However, i've also come to realize deeper issues of being recluse, but not shy. of having a lifetime of limited contact with people in general and a distain for the normal places people meet (bars, clubs, church, parties). Add that to years of pysch and suicide tries (depression, ptsd, and schizoid) and I really do get why i'm not someone to think about.

Also learned that overall dating just came from friendships that just fell in place, never actually going to places to ask a girl out (now 29). I get i've been burned in the limited relationships i've been in, which brings the question: Should I give up? Have dated while not liking myself, and yeah, told i need to do that, but if not possible what then? Just feel-i don't know

Answer 1

Listen, from what I have learned in my experiences and listening to counselors and all that psychobabble is that in order for any relationship to be successful, You have to like yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can anyone give you love, and how can you give anyone love? If you don't know what it is, how can you give it? You would be surprised how many people out there share some of the same views you do. I have a friend who isn't really a recluse but he just doesn't like people. He thinks that people are stupid and just has no use for them. He doesn't have a very good opinion of himself either and his relationship failed. I have been there as well, I have trust issues and so on. I could go on all night but that would just bore you. Believe me when I say there is someone out there for you, but you have got to learn to love yourself and be happy within yourself. That is possible, take it from someone who really knows. Oh yeah, never fake who you are because you can't keep that up forever. Your true self will come out and one thing people don't like is being lied to. Just be yourself and eventually someone will see something that they like in you and it will be smooth sailing from there. You are going to save yourself alot of heartache if you just be true to who you are.

Answer 2

Life is short - I think you are overthinking this.

Be yourself. (not as easy for some) so maybe you need to discover yourself.

Focus on what you like to do. Possibly go to college - take some classes that interest you - join clubs (not nightclubs) or organizations that do the things you like.

Once you find out who you are, then share that with others.

I can't stand bars, clubs, churches or parties either, but there are many ways to meet people. Coworkers, sports, neighbors, local politics. There are so many things to do out there. - check the local newspaper and find events that appeal to your interests and go. If you are with others that like the same things, then it's easier to start conversations and get to know new people. Make a friend and it multiplies.

Answer 3

It's really cliche, i know, but you have to love yourself before someone else can truly love you. If you hate yourself than others won't respect you. Realize your self worth & don't let anyone give you less than you deserve. There is something that you have to offer that no one else does. Find it. Nothing draws people to you like self-confidence. If you aren't yourself at the beginning of the relationship, what happens when you eventually reveal your true self? If people don't like the real you than screw em; they aren't the one for you. Better to know right away. You'll find the right person just when you aren't looking for them. Don't give up, just give in and let things happen as they will.

Answer 4

Once you start believing what people tell you. Your finished your not bad, it people just having to voice an opinion to make themselves feel better beleve me they are probably more screwed up than you are. Learn from your mistakes don't repeat them and then you should be fine. You only live once buddy don't let nonsense like this take the joy out of it

Answer 5

ahhhh my friend....first you must get your affairs in order and take care of buisness...you dont have to be an over achieving millionaire but you at least have to be on the road to improvement and have a plan...you are me 15 years ago..."in a pickle" ....you might meet someone that is on your level but dating? no...the whole idea of dating is to meet someone who is compatible with ur life...u must have a life or at least a plan for one in motion or who is going to seriously consider u as a mate? Im still pretty redclusive myself but i have a decent job and my own place and my own car and am totally self sufficient and rely on no one for support financially but myself...theres no problem getting a date now if i want it...or a relationship for that matter...but ive gotten real particular now that im older and holding out for the right one, i refuse to be with someone that aggravates me in any way lol...the point is, you will have the power to be yourself and get plenty of potentials if you take charge of your own life...start now your still young...you'll find out like i did its better to be alone and running your own life than having some greasy life-sucking bezatch all up in ur sit anyways :)...and there will be plenty of companionship along the way if you get moving on it and you'll feel about a thousand times better about yourself to...thats the key really....learning to love yourself.

Answer 6

if you pretend to be someone you're not you'll only end up dissappointing yourself when you find someone who likes that person you're pretending to be, but not the real you because chances are you won't like them as much either because they'll have things in common with who you're pretending to be, not the real you.
- as a person who also has no car or desire to drive one (I bike!) don't see this as a flaw at all, you just need to find someone who has the same priorities. (my boyfriend also has no lisence or car, we bike together)
- Chances are if you don't like those places, you aren't going to find someone with anything in common with you there either. you'll probably be far more compatible with someone who also avoids bars and clubs etc. look for people in places that you do like to go, they'll probably have more similar interests.

good luck :)

Answer 7

Be yourself and try to cheer up a bit. Everyone faces a number of discouragements in life but keep trying. You only lose when you quit trying.

Answer 8

If you don't like to drive, become a millionaire and hire a chauffeur
to drive you around on dates.

Answer 9

No, be yourself.

God Bless!!!