Why do we feel so bad about dying and getting older?

Question

My favourite Auntie is burying her partner of many years tomorrow. He died suddenly on Monday. I just feel so bad for her. She is 70 and has always been the life and soul of the party.. at New Year for example she put us young ones to shame and ended up partying for 4 days! Think DD dying just reminds me that her, my folks etc all getting on - with possibly their best days behind them and it makes me really sad.. the could cry buckets sad - ain't an over-emotional person as general rule.

I am not sad that he died per se.. I was not close to him.. I am extremely close to my Auntie though - she is a happy person normally - the kind that is one of the characters in a bar - the kind everyone knows and loves.. seeing her today she looked old and heart broken. For the first time in years I started thinking about all the fun she and my folks had when they were younger, parties and the like and it seems to me their best days are behind them.. I just feel really bad.. know it ain't rational - but do

Answer 1

It's normal for us to regret the passage of time, particularly when it leads to a loss of dignity or former abilities. It's also normal for us to mourn for a close relative or friend we remember as young and strong. By feeling this sorrow, we honour those we have lost.

Answer 2

There are many reasons why we are affraid of the passage of time even though it happens to everyone. The simple answer is that as human beings we are programmed to do one thing and that is to reproduce. Once we do this and garuntee the progression of our particular gene pool there is not alot left for us to do. This is of course putting it simply. Because we have evolved so well and have no natural predators that we live longer, can contemplat more and infact humans are the only species thought to be able to contemplat and question thier on coming death.

So, we have children, we protect them to ensure that by maturity they can support themselves and then what is left to do? It is natural that as we live well beyond our useful age (because of living standards and advances in technology) we philosophise and contemplate the reason for being here. This will then lead to a feeling of uselessness, as we feel that society does not need us anymore and that we have nothing to offer.

Think about the lats time you talked to an old person (other than a family member). If they had begun to tell you a story about when they were young and did something incredible, would you have been intersted? The answer is probably not. It does not matter what you do when you are young, when you are old nobody cares because they are living in their time, when they are usefull and productive to society.

That is why we worry about the passage of time, it is because we face to face with our own limitations.

I realise that this all sounds very gloomy but there you go.

Answer 3

Because it's terminal and it puts you in mind of your own mortality and it makes you start to ask questions about a certainty that you normally choose to ignore. It also shows that you haven't yet found a satisfactory answer to the meaning of what lies between now and that certainty. As death is certain there are really no questions worth asking about it. The only question is "how shall I live". In trying to sincerely find the answer(s) to this question you will find that the time in between will be complete and spiritually satisfying and you will cease to feel bad about the interim or the end. Sounds like your auntie might know that and although she feels grief at the loss of her partner, isn't that a truly vital feeling which reflects a celebration of the relationship with her lifelong partner?

Answer 4

I can understand your feelings!!

We all get reminded quite frequently of age, and our own mortality: and the mortality of the loved ones around us!! And fear or worry about death: and how it will affect those around us!!

I’m only 43, and I find myself frequently looking at my life past: and the fact that if I am really blessed: I might just have nearly my life span again to go, before the good Lord takes me home!!

This is why each and every one of us, should live each day as if it were our last: Carpe Diem… ‘Seize The Day’!!

Make the most of every living moment: cherish time spent with our loved ones and friends, making the most of every precious moment!! As without wanting to sound morbid… It just may be your last!! One ‘NEVER’ knows when one’s time will come: unless one is ‘sad’ enough to close the door ones self!!

Your Aunt will grieve for her loss: and miss your uncle greatly… But this does not mean that the best times of her life have past!! There is Tomorrow: for as long as there is a Tomorrow!!

Can you understand? I hope so!!

God bless xoxo

Answer 5

I deal with it everyday and accept it. It means that everyone will be touched by sadness at one time or another but that makes it all the more important to enjoy when life is good. I would be celebrating getting to that age and going quickly. Too many people die young or have bad illnesses that last years and ruin the quality of life they can enjoy. If I could write my script it would be like DD.

Answer 6

I'm getting older and I think that's pretty OK. When I was young, I wasn't nearly as smart as I am now. Getting older is a lot better than most people think. Of course you have to eat better and exercise is more important.

Dying - ya, I could do without that, but I've known many that have passed on - cried many a tear - and moved on with those that still remain. It's natural to pay respect and move on. It reminds us of how fragile we all are, and how we need to cherish each moment we live.

I'm sorry for your loss, now live life with gusto. There's so much to do and experience. One day we won't be able too.

Answer 7

Because ppl learn to associate themselves with their bodies, their assets, their careers etc. And because these things are impermanent, meaning none of it lasts, they feel a sense of loss and despair. People are afraid of death because they are attached to worldly things and feel like they will become nothing if they lose these things. But, if you think about it, birth is a form of death because it is the ending of something else and the beginning of new life. For something new to begin, something else always has to end. So I look at death as a beginning to a new life, rather than losing everything that I had in this life. True happiness comes not in gaining, but in letting go.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Whats the point in feeling bad it's not your fault that he died it was obviously his chosen time to go bother him upstairs. Don't get me wrong as we are all afraid of getting old and dying but as long as you have lived your life to the max then you ain't had a bad innings in my eyes.

Answer 10

The modern world makes us concentrate so much on being young and the things that go with youth, we end up feeling awful about older ages.