did my husband cheat on me and think he got away with it?

Question

my husband travels with his job, recently he came home from a business trip and i found two unused condoms in his computer bag ALONG with a lighter i didn't recognize, i confronted him ( i know bad idea) and he said he found them in his room and just brought them home, we have been married less than a year and hes always been totally devoted to me , i want to believe him but my biggest question is "why would you take condoms from a room that someone else touched when you dont even use them?: i dont know anyone who would do that, a guy i asked and told this said "he was planning on getting some" i trusted my husband completely my heart says he wouldn't cheat but my head says did he get away with it? he swears hes never cheated and i know sometimes when ppl are confronted they lie like hell, my trust is blown and i cant prove it just circumstances i feel like crap, i wish i was a fly on the wall, im struggling with "i dont really know the truth" help me.

Answer 1

First, I do not envy your difficult situation this is never a good issue to confront though you are handling it well, looking for advice and speaking with your husband about it.

I'm a married guy and wow . . . this doesn't look good. He honestly may've never consumated a physical relationship but was looking forward to meeting "someone" (a co-worker or just someone at the after work parties that always go on) or may've just had it on his mind, and wondered if he would go through with it if tempted (that's how some of us guys think!)

Out of all the questions I've tried to answer on this board this is probably the toughest. He is in almost a passive-agressive situation with you right now, if you confront him and show him your anguish he'll tell your feelings and intuition are wrong, which makes you doubt yourself which makes you more insecure which leads you to question him further . . .

Going back to your marriage in general is there anything lacking that you can see? USUALLY for a spouse to wander something is lacking or he may be insecure with himself and is looking for someone on the side to allay his fears that he isn't charming, attractive or whatever any longer.

The key to all of this is communication. I would again approach him about this but do not let him pooh-pooh it aside, have a heart to heart and discuss it in serious depth. Tell him what he means to you and that your trust in him is shaky at the moment. If you can encourage him to somehow be honest and just let you know what happened honestly, he hopefully will tell you.

Good luck . . .

Answer 2

Wow that is one of the lamest excuses I ever heard! You can't even be thinking of buying this crap could you? You do know the truth, no married man in his right mind walks around with condoms that his wife might find! Thats just asking for trouble. He screwed up but hey at least he's having safe sex...well I guess that isn't worth much after all is it? Next time he goes out of town leave an empty beer bottle on the nightstand on his side of the bed, when he asks about it say oh i found that outside and brought it home. See if he buys it, then say well hey we apparently treat each other like we are stupid so I thought I would play too! Then the playing field is level so take it from there.

Answer 3

Why in the world would the Hotel have unused Condom???? it alot of money to do that!!!! and If I were him i would throw in the garbage. Here the reason if he had sex with you with no condom. But then bring unused condom put it in this computer bag???

He didn't tell you like this Oh honey funny thing i was at the hotel and i notice there is 2 unused condom so I bring it home with me it in my computer bag. then that will be so honest. but For you to find out first then something is wrong. He didn't want to get Aids, HIV or STDS or getting that girl Pregant for using that Condom for.... so, it does mean he getting some. I think you should tell him fine i want you to take lie dector and making sure you telling the truth you going have to pay for it and proof me wrong that you not cheating on me.. If you won't that mean you do cheat on me. If you do love me you would proof that you not cheating on me.

So you have the choice to proof that you are not cheating on me or if you don't then I am going to end it.. You have about 2 weeks to proof this test and If you say because of money or something use your credit card and proof it. Speaking credit card have you check his credit card to see what he buy ?? if two people on that credit card he can't be one person eat 2 full meals??? UMMMM, check out the credit cards bills. maybe there other credit cards you don't know.

Let me know it is [e-mail] to make sure many ways I can help you with.

Answer 4

It was a bad idea to confront him so early after finding the material. He's going to always deny it, but you know he's lying. So, the trust thing is gone, and now you need to keep a low profile and pay attention until you have proof. He's going to be more careful now that he knows you will be checking and observing things. Only if he's going to continue cheating he will eventually let his guard down, and get caught. This is when everything depends on you and how you want to handle it, because he's going to lie and say it won't ever happen again. Be prepared, don't stress out over it, just handle it when the time comes.

Answer 5

I travel all the time,

I don't cheat -- but I let my wife know were I'm at every minute of every day, anything suspicious happens I tell her right away.

I'd be damn if I picked up condoms and bring them home.

Now I can imagine some poor sucker thinking he's cool buying a three pack of condoms (by the way good pick up on your part), just in case, and then using one in self abuse. Its not that easy to work all day and find someone that will bang you that night. If you were that lucky you'd probably bang her twice.

At minimum he's an idiot -- but the real story would be interesting wouldn't it.

Answer 6

hmmm... difficult situation. In my honest opinnion he did do something. If he dosnt use condoms on you then there would be no use for him to bring them home. I cannot believe you are questioning. Most men I've dated ****** around sometime or another. Not because of lack of sex but its exciting to men. My ex liked to go on dating websites and ****. I found the profile and he said stuff like " im a wild mustang needing to be tamed". I confronted him about it and he said he was looking for friends... The website was named Americansingles... how stupid do i look. well big mistake for me gettin into it hem put 9 stitches in my head, but none the less. I suggest you leave him let him suffer. DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR HIM IF HE CRIES OR SAYS HE WILL CHANGE. once a cheater always a cheater, remember that.

Answer 7

Sorry to tell u this, he cheated! and like u said when u confronted him that's what he did. Lied to hell. Some times it's not about proving it when it comes to having commonsense. No way in hell im going to tell my wife I found a used condom and brought it home in my computer bag. So to answer ur ? yes he got away with it!!

Answer 8

Honestly Ive heard alot of bs from my experience and my friends experience. The truth is that he probably was "Expecting some" but you dont know for sure if he got it. I dont think you should blow the whole relationship, but push it to the back of your mind for now.....not forgiving or forgetting, but just pushing it aside always remembering and the next red flag that pops up may make it or break it...as they say. Just keep it in mind and keep going with life and remember why you loved him and what your priorities are. I think he will eventually hang himself or rise to the occasion and learn from this incident.

Answer 9

What does your heart tell you.As women we know the truth and often block it because we don't want to believe it.If you feel it then trust your instincts.It happen to me as well and i did some investigating and he was.We are trying to work it out now,but it's not easy.That was a bold lie he told and yes they do lie to keep it from you and not hurt you.But they fell to realize that it hurts worst finding out from someone else or on your own.I hope everything works out for you.Good luck

Answer 10

Hey -

1: Condoms come in packs of three, not two.
2: Do married guys pick up comdoms in hotel rooms?
3: How often do you actually find condoms in hotel rooms?

See link for solution to your problem.