Should kids be treated different?

Question

HELLO, I HAVE BEEN IN A REALTIONSHIP FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS, AND WHEN I STARTED THIS RELATIONSHIP I HAD A CHILD ALREADY. HE TOOK THE ROLE OF HER FATHER AND LOVED HER LKE HIS OWN. BUT WHEN WE HAD OUR OWN KIDS TOGETHER HE STARTED TREATING THE OLDEST LIKE SHE DIDN'T MATTER OR BELONG. HE ACTS LIKE HIS KIDS ARE BETTER THAN MY CHILD. I THOUGHT THAT I COULD CHANGE HIM AND MAKE HIM SEE THAT SHE LOVES HIM AS HER DAD. BUT NOTHING HAS CHANGED. WHAT SHOULD I DO

Answer 1

You may want to get rid of him. He sounds like a loser for being that way!

Answer 2

Oh sweetie I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal. Well the one thing you should concentrate on is what is best for your child or even children. She needs to be your priority and if you feel that she deserves better than maybe you should bring this up to your spouse or boyfriend. Maybe suggest counseling and see if he is willing to go with you. But if he does not want to or just ignores the problem then do what you think is right OK. I have been with my husband who is my youngest child's father and he loves my first daughter as if she were his own. At first when my youngest was born I noticed a difference as to the way she treated him and the way he treated her. I explained to both of them that we are all a family and that I don't want her to think that he loves her any less because there is a new baby.

Answer 3

Is she getting older? Sometimes dads, even biological dads, don't know what to do with a daughter once she hits a certain age. You didn't mention whether your other children were boys or girls or the ages.

You could schedule a "Daddy day" for each child where that kid gets to spend some time alone with him - maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it.

And if all else fails - remember that "the camera doesn't lie." You could try perhaps getting a video camera and take a family day at the park or something where dad's involved with all the kids. You man the camera. Watch the tape together - and draw attention to your concerns. (Also a good way to be sure it's not that you're just feeling defensive for your daughter for some reason.)

Hope something here turns out to be helpful for you!

Answer 4

Well that's a tough dynamic, but perhaps your daughter getting older (is she acting out at all?) is part of the deal. Fathers typically get tougher as kids get older because without the strict discipline, they end up in trouble.

Talk to him, and REALLY open your mind to his answers. I wouldn't worry too much. Men are not typically MEAN. They are authoritarian, and will he will likely serve as a GREAT MANLY role model for your daughter.

Best of luck with that.

Answer 5

Move on. I mean, you're teaching your daughter that she has no value by staying and letting her be treated like that. Me and my husband used to fight about the same thing (before we got married... I have 2 other kids), until we had one of our own. It was a lot better after that because he understood how I felt. We broke up a lot of times over the way he treated my girls. It took three years of showing me he loved them and didn't treat them differently before I gave him another chance. Good luck.

Answer 6

do not ask what he can do for your cause, you do what needs to be done, do not make the issue bigger than it is, I mean do not point it out in any way. She is lucky to have a dad of some sort.
any love is better than none. You cannot change people but you can change scenery, change your way of approaching life. You are the only one that can change and be sure that something has changed. Please do not make your daughter a victim. She has a great mum...

Luv Pat

Answer 7

I would talk with him about it in a calm manner. Ask him calmly how he would feel if he were in her shoes. The development of her self esteem is dependent on how he treats her. Kids only value themselves when they are valued by their parents. The way he treats her will play a vital role in the development of her confidence, self-respect and self-love. He is putting your child at risk. If speaking with him does not help, you will need professional help in the form of family counseling if this relationship is meaningful and important to you. If it is not, then it is time to get his man out of your life.

Answer 8

It does not sound like you are married so why in the world do you keep having children out of wedlock??? YOU need to clean up your act and when you start respecting yourself then perhaps men will start respecting you. My point being......when you accept crumbs that is exactly what you are going to get. You are reaping what you sow........you don't expect much. Yes, that is terrible that he is treating your daughter in a bad way......probably the same way he is treating her mother. Go to Therapy and learn self-respect and making good choices.

Answer 9

Explain to the guy that your hitched too that no child deserves to be treated the way he does to her. She will grow up with a complex and be a rebel and get into having a really bad attitude towards all men in her life, and that could lead to behavior that is less than respectable later on in her life.

Answer 10

I don't know what are you going to do because now you have other kids from him and will not be fair leave them with out a father but you need to talk to him and let him know that when you meet him you already have a baby and if he is not ready to treat your first baby the same way than the others kids I will leave him because who ever mistreat my kids mistreat me.

Answer 11

You can't change anyone. First mistake. Children usually are treated differently because they are different. Different doesn't mean bad. If she's the oldest, that happens. The other children need attention too. You can't make him treat them all the same, but they can all have the same rules.