I found out my husband was cheating, now I want too, should I?

Question

We have been married for 16 years, things have been okay but could be alot better, maybe he just did what I've been wanting to do. We both love each other and since all this has happened and the possibility of breaking up, it has made us closer but I can't help but think about it all the time. I found myself looking up phone numbers of old boyfriends and flirting, I feel better when I do this.

Answer 1

i've been married for 16 years now and your story is scary. i hate that you are going thru this in your life. if you can forgive him without you commiting adultry would be best. men don't forgive as easily as women do. chances are your husband would NEVER forgive you if you cheated. if you decide to cheat then i hope you are ready for your marriage to end. flirting is always good for the ego. there is nothing wrong with a good flirt but it shouldn't go any further. good luck to you and your family. i wish you well

Answer 2

While this makes you feel better in the short run, the real question here is about the future and what do you want when you look down the road 5 years from now. Do you want a relationship where the two of you are fooling around on each other, do you want to repair this relationship and find true love together again, or do you believe the time has come to go your separate ways? You two need to figure this out and then figure out how to make your choice happen. There are no right or wrong answers here, only what is right for you and your relationship, and your future.

Answer 3

No...two wrongs don't make a right! If you cheat you will be bombarded with tremendous guilt. And once you cross the cheating line your marriage will be forever changed. He will find out and then he will be more likely to cheat again. After that you will enter a vicious circle that will only end up in divorce at least.

You feel better when you flirt becasue you are validated as a worthy individual. However this validation (however fun) is a superficial validation. It doesn't last and in the end you will feel worse than ever.

Keep your honor in tact. If your husband has cheated on you then decide if he'll ever do it again. If you can't say 100% for sure then you need to dump him (dependant on your children's ages). The thing you don't want to do is cheapen yourself in a "grudge fuch" situation. It almost always ends up in disaster.

Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good luck

Answer 4

I have been married almost 10 years. I found out that my soon to be ex husband cheated on me over 50 times over that time. I was sickened by it. I got tested for STD's and thankfully I have no STD's. There was no amount of cheating or flirting that could make me feel better about what he chose to do to our marriage and friendship. There have been days that I was so pissed and loathed him with every ounce of my being and I still didn't want him to feel the hurt of being betrayed. Why lower yourself to that level of behavior? If you want out of the marriage then perhaps that is the thing to do. But cheating to get him back or to be away from it won't help any.

I know people who have cheated on their cheating spouses and it made things worse.

Answer 5

No more drama. Doing what he did to you will only make you feel like **** in the end. Sex without love is crap and you feel like crap aferwards. And don't go out seeking revenge with an innocent ex boyfriend.
You said the possibility of breaking up has made you closer, well, don't ruin that by making the same mistake he made.
Fix the problem or get out.

Answer 6

Two wrongs don't make it right. You need to understand you should look to forgive if you look to remain together. Time is the only thing that will help you gain your trust back for him. In the end it seems that you want to make it work so do it. He made a mistake that he can never take back, but only try to atone for it. Plus you need to remember, you'll never make any good decision living your life when your trying to live two lives.

Answer 7

What do you hope to accomplish by ALSO cheating? If you can not forgive your husband and move on, you need to let the relationship go. There is no need to get into an affair instead of doing damge control and moving on..or moving out!!

Answer 8

I think you want to flirt and cheat because it makes you feel empowered. You have no control over what your husband did and the fact that his action continues to control your thoughts and feelings makes you feel that by doing the same you will regain some control. I think that if you want to save your marriage, you will have to go to marriage counseling. Your feelings about this will not go away.

Answer 9

when people cheat it's usually because something is missing in the relationship. your husband obviously was feeling something was missing and found it somewhere else. it does not mean he doesn't love you means you guys need to talk things out. i hope you do not cheat on your husband if you want to stay with him talk to him and forgive.FORGIVE even if you don't decide to stay with him is the best thing you can do this way your not hold on to any anger good luck

Answer 10

my dear, two wrongs don't make a right. see if i were in ur shoes i won't cheat on him but be a more better wife and u will see he will start feeling guilty. and if u leave the other women will take ur place. and if u cheat on him u hv lost ur dignity as a wife. so do the right thing gurl.