How do you make a relationship work if you don't feel the love anymore?

Question

But you know you have to make it work because you have 3 precious children. Do you just pretend still? AND you know that you don't want to go to counseling????

Answer 1

Love isn't a feeling. Love is a decision you make. Feelings are fleeting. They can help start a relationship, but they will never make a relationship last. People change, feelings change.

However, if you made a commitment to love someone for your whole life, and you want to make it work, then the answer is right there. Love your husband. As long as he's not abusing you and is a decent guy. Maybe the feeling has gone out of it for him too.

What does loving your husband look like to you? Then do that. Do the things that you know would speak of your love to him. If you invest your heart in loving your husband and reach out to him in your actions and words, you will likely find that often feelings will follow actions. And if he is a decent guy, he will likely respond in turn.

Also talk to him. If you guys are really struggling, he may be pretty aware of this too. He may wonder what's wrong but not know how to ask, or afraid of the answer you would give. As much as you don't want to, it may be time for you guys to find some outside help, get some counseling. There's nothing to be ashamed of in going to counseling. Both of you going means that you are really committed and that you want to work it out. Tell him you want to be loving and be a great wife and for him to be a great hubby, but you aren't feeling it and it bothers you and you want to work with him to get close again.

I'll say it once more: If he's at all a decent, good-hearted guy, he'll probably respond pretty positively, because chances are he wants it to be better again too, and wants to work it out.

Good luck, sweetie. You sound like a good person.

Edit: And please don't listen to those who tell you to just throw the relationship away. It's never that simple. And even an amicable divorce can be devastating for the kids. And the truth is, if you don't work this out, your next relationship will reach the same stage, and you'll have to face the issue all over again until you finally work and grow through it. Better to face the hard time now. You and your hubby will both reap wonderful rewards and find that those loving feelings CAN be rekindled with commitment and love.

Answer 2

If there really is no love left between you and your husband then you are doing no favor to your children by staying together. All you are teaching them at that point is that love isn't important. Lets assume instead that instead of there being no love, you have just gotten off the path so to speak. The key to any long term relationship is to realize that love is about a lot of things and requires a lot of work to maintain. The first thing it takes is a commitment to make it work by both of you. The second thing it takes is communication. You two need to sit down and talk things out. Figure out what the problems are and break them down into smaller pieces that you two can work on together one at a time. Often what happens is we are simply over whelmed by all the issues because we try to fix everything at once. It is important to make progress, and the best way to do this is one small step at a time so you can see progress. When you find a solution write it down and sign it so if it pops up again you two can point at the solution and realize there is no real problem because you know the answer. The other thing your relationship needs is intimacy. I'm not talking so much about sex, as time together, alone just connecting to each other. Obviously you two had that connection at one point or you wouldn't have been together this long and had kids. The problem is that often life gets in the way and we put everything else in life in front of our relationships with each other. You need to carve out time for the two of you to do things that you enjoy together. Time to share and explore life together like you used to. Time to hold hands, snuggle, and just be together. Some thing as simple as a quiet walk together a couple of times a week can make a big difference. Love can be found when you make a place for it, I suspect though it has just been squeezed out of your lives by all the responsibilities and the daily grind in your lives.

Answer 3

You don't. Flat out. You can still be a parent and not be with the other person romantically. It's much better to have two involved and happy parents who aren't together, than miserable parents who stay together just for the kids.

Answer 4

End the marriage and see your children smile for you, they will be better off and so will you.

If you went to the refrigerator and took spoiled milk out and smelled it, then put it back in the refigerator, will it get any better? No!

The same is true for this failed marriage also.

Answer 5

dont try to make it work out, DONT, u two should just seperate, u cant lead a nnormal realtionship without the love, and it will ruin ur love life too, ur children WILL understand, if anything they want there parents to be happy too, just make sure every once in awhile you all get together and go places

Answer 6

Love isn't pretending. Yeah you have kids but believe me they can tell if your happy or not. I know you believe in a extraordinary love and you deserve it. It may be hard to let go, but in time you will heal and your kids will understand. Good Luck

Answer 7

Take if from a person who was a child of a marriage that didnt work.....

SPLIT UP NOW...IF THERE IS NO HOPE!!

It will mess the kids up worse growing up thinking that they were the cause of their parent unhappiness!!

Answer 8

be best friends and have a open but secret marriage.

Answer 9

you dont!!! you brake up, you cant force feelings.