Any suggestions? How do you get your husbands Ex out of your world when they share a child?

Question

This woman uses their son to create any kind of havoc you can imagine in our lives. She has extreme difficulty sitting at home with her toys and comprehending that fact that he has moved on. Is it factual that outside of mutual conversations regarding the child that she needs to continuously bother us. Everytie we have his son..she will call10x to know where we are and what we are doing. I started demanding that the phones be left at home...now she stalks us when we are out. She just happens to show up where ever we are. he has had numerous talks with her regarding her behavior with no resolve.
without causing additional anguish to his son...what can we do?

Answer 1

I feel for you. We're in the same situation. In our case, we would love to lose his ex and his oldest child (as awful as that sounds). Regardless, we still have to deal with them, at least to a point. Our attorney advised us to start keeping a journal with the dates and times she calls, brief description of the conversation as well as anything we might possibly perceive as a threat. We also jot down the dates and times where she "just happens to show up". Once we've done this for at least six months, then we can go to court and show a pattern of stalking and abusive behavior. In our case, it's also giving us a hand with getting custody of the youngest child.

I would highly advise you to contact either the attorney who handled your husband's divorce or consult a new one if they're no longer in practice. You definitely need legal advise and a way to protect the child involved. You can pretty much bet they're being grilled about their activities with you when they go back to mom!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Its not your job to do any of it, this is all on hubby. It's his ex and his kid and his problem. The fact is that if he stood up to her and refused to tolerate it there would no more problems. So many men become spineless weasles when dealing with their ex wives, I never have and never will understand it, personally I think its disgusting! The fact that she calls doesn't mean the phone must be answered and if it is you say he'll tell you about it when he gets home otherwise its none of your business. The woman is getting a payoff from her behavior, if she wasn't she wouldn't do it and its really that simple. Take away the payoff and you take away the behavior.

How is she finding out where you will be in order to be able to 'stalk' you? Someone has to be letting her know, one thing I can guarantee is that she doesn't just 'happen' to be where you are. She has no right to know every single thing you are doing with the kid, and if you are treating her like she does then thats where your mistake is.

You give her the home number, and change the cell number, she is not given the new number. The home phone is yours too and you have every right to answer it, if it is not relevant to the child the phone does NOT get handed to the husband. There aren't that many conversations that need to be held regarding the child, he has regularly scheduled visitation right? So everybody already knows when he'll be picked up and when he'll be dropped off. Yes he can speak to the child anytime, but the moment she gets on the phone you hang up, its really that simple. Mine had an ex like this, she used to call 6 times a day, i wasn't putting up with it so the number was changed, we actually had to change it 3 different times because he gave it to the kid and the kid gave it to her and she would have the kid call then get on the phone. The last time, since she wasn't able to learn the lesson, she contacts his mother and his mother contacts us. Life is much more peaceful now! The son doesn't need to know anything about any of this, its an adult problem and he doesn't need to be aware of it in any way. If she chooses to hurt the child by making a fuss about it well thats just another clue that she is a horrible mother.

Answer 3

Tough one. But you DO have options. First of all, go to court with a custody/visitation agreement that is SPECIFIC to the problems involved. That she HAS to stay away when the child is with you. Talk to a lawyer and find out what your rights are in requard to the situation. It is possible to have the court set a certain set of rules that protect you from this kind of behavior from her and that will allow for legal punishment for violation of court mandate placed against her. You can also get a restraining order of intricate type to help control the situation. Consult a legal professional. There are things you can do. The child can be kept out of it, at least on your end. You also have some leverage over her when it comes to how she handles the situation in regard to the child. If she is being evil to you through the child or in any way affecting the child personally with her antics...example...filling the child's head with lies or what ever, you can use that against her too. You can take the child to be evaluated by a professional and use that information to prove that her behavior is harmful to the child. The court will do something about it! Good luck! Hope this helps!

Answer 4

Be the bigger woman and realize this is life when there is a child involved. Yes she creates havoc, but the more calm you are, the better for all of you. No doubt he left for good reasons and picked you for good reasons......show him he was right by being mature and stable with the situation. If things reach a dangerous area, that's when it's the father's place to step in and protect the child. If she's trying to get him back, she'll only drive him to love you more. If she's truly unstable, he can get custody and save the child. Remember the child is the most important in this equation.

Answer 5

Unfortunately she will always be a part of his life because of the child. Now, I know this is difficult but try to put yourself in her shoes. Your child and your former man are with another woman.
That can be a lot to stomach. I don't think she is in the right here but I would probably be a bit** too if my husband was with someone else and we had a child. But on the other hand, you can not be expected to have to deal with this forever either. Now, you knew that he had a child prior to you guys getting together so some of it you will just have to deal with. Have you tried being the adult in the situation and maybe talking with the ex and tell her you are not trying to be a mother to this child. She may not listen but at least you know you tried. Maybe your husband needs to take the matter in front of a judge if it is getting that bad. She should not be allowed to follow you or harass you.

Answer 6

Go to court, and if there is no custody agreement, get one. If there is an agreement, ask the court for a cease and desist order for her actions. Her actions in many states would constitute stalking. The court can issue a restraining order, but this would mean a disinterested third party would pick up the child, and drop the child off. This restricks your time with the child but it keeps her out of your hair.

Answer 7

This women suffers from seperation anxiety and not to mention also a bit of Jealousy that he has moved on in his LIfe. As long as everything is fine with the child i would not answer her call . The father is allowed time with the child as well as her. people can only bother us if we allow them to .

Answer 8

You Don't The fact that you are invovled with dude means that you have to experience what he would be going through without you. Because of how his son's mother is acting unfortunately you have to deal with it too.

Answer 9

Truth is they're connected forever. However that doesn't give her the right to constanly harass you guys. your man will have to go to family court to set some rules and some boundaries for his visits. Good luck!

Answer 10

NOTHING!!!!

Sheesh...

You chose to marry a guy with an ex and a kid - what did you expect? She's the mom, and he's the dad - they both need to be involved in each other's lives...it's a package.

Live with it.