I really want to be with my ex boyfriend, but I am married and I find myself hating this life...?

Question

What do i do? I am not very happy. I am happy enough, I guess. we have a nice home, a beautiful baby together, and I think a lot of people would label me selfish, but he does not fulfill my needs. I need more intellectual stimulation, better mojo in the bedroom, less arguing over petty things...ahhh the list could go on and on of our incompatabilities. Is is wrong to just wonder what things would have been like with an ex, and reminisce about some awesome sex you had? I'm not cheating on him or nothing like that. My ex and I couldn't work out because he was a part of an organization that I was afraid of, sometimes it felt like he put it before me. Now, It seems I traded sugar for shiza. Can things be made better in a marriage like this?

Answer 1

Maybe you and your husband should go to counseling or maybe you should just talk to your husband. There's a reason why you and him fell in love in the first place and you have to remember that reason. When times get hard, stick with it and endure it and you and your husband as well as your daughter will benefit from it in the long run. No marriage is perfect and you must work everyday for it.

Answer 2

Only if you want them to. Your ex- is an ex- for a reason. You tend to remember the good things and in the aspect of fantasy it rocks!

Actually you're measuring apples and oranges. Your ex- was a BF not a husband. Dating is fun, exciting and responsiblity free. Marriage on the other hand is heavy with responsibility, children are present and you have probably seen your husband on the tolet scratching his nuts and picking his nose. The things that are important is not the "movie/fantasy sex", but the long term commitment that occurs between a man and a woman. We give up the superficial "high" of the date scenerio for the stability of the marriage. You can still have a great time but it's not dating. I would venture to say that if you left your husband (big mistake) for your ex in a short time you will find out why the saying "It's much more fun wanting something than actually having it", is so very true.

Also remember the old joke, "The difference between a GF and a wife is 45 lbs....the different between a BF and a husband is 45 minutes".
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good luck

Answer 3

If it's any comfort...women of all ages face those same dilemmas on a daily basis...and for the EXACT same reasons (although some may have grown children)

I don't think it's selfish to want something more for yourself, especially when it comes to intellectual stimulation or better sex.
If you do love your husband, chances are things can be made better between the two of you.
However, you're going to have to do 2 things first:

You're going to have to sit him down and have an honest talk with him about your feelings.
(Bearing men's sensitivities in mind, try to be diplomatic when having this conversation.)
Men are notoriously poor listeners and become very defensive if they even feel slightly threatened about their manhood.
Oh, and do yourself a favor... don't mention the ex.

The second thing you're going to need to do once you have that conversation, and have cleared that hurdle is...you're going to have to take the lead by doing things such as:

Getting a babysitter and planning dates with him.
Romantic notes tucked into his lunch,
his car visor, his wallet etc.
Picnics on the living room floor...
(guess what's for dessert?)
Candlelight dinners at home

If he isn't completely clueless, he may begin to follow your lead, and may start reciprocating with some surprises of his own.

You won't know until you try...
and one more thing you should know...

you ex is your "EX" for a reason.
And the grass really isn't any greener on the other side of the fence... the problem is..
you just can't see all of the
brown spots over there from where you are standing.

Good Luck~*

Answer 4

You are selfish to think about your self. The time to think about yourself has come and gone. Now you have a child. Get over yourself. You made your bed lie in it. Speaking of a child who's mother was never satisfied with anything. things can be made better if you work at it. You married the man for a reason. Think about that. This thing your ex was into who's to say the whole situation will not happen again? If you loved your ex so much then why would you ever want to straddle him with someone elses kid only to always play second string to another man in that child's life. Why would you want to put your child in a situation that will make them have to be shuffled back and forth. I'm sorry to sound bad but come one this will kill your child in the end. Glad to know when you child grows up nothing will be good enough.

Answer 5

Absolutley things can be better in your marriage. Communication is what will save you. And by communication that doesn't mean just talking, it also means listening, and action towards eachother. He needs to know how you feel, don't attack him but be honest. Tell him things are bothering you so bad that ...... wondering if you'd be better without him and that you don't want to feel that way (if in fact that's how you feel).

We as humans will never be completly satisfied. You can make your relationship work, it will take effort and change from the both of you, but it is possible.

Remember,
the grass may be greener on the other side, but it still needs mowed.

You have a good thing going, you commited to him, before God and family that you will love him and remain faithful to him through good and bad.

Answer 6

I am not going to answer your question, I just wanted to say, that I am in the same situation!!!
My husband is a great guy, but he has different interests and our sex life is almost non existent. I am daydreaming about my ex, with whom I had the best sex ever! He was more intellectual than my husband but I chose my husband because he is more family oriented. Now I am dreaming that different, sex filled intellectual life with my ex, what never going to happen.
I am not sure we can save our marriages unless we really want to. Me and my husband would need sexual therapy and we should focus on doing activities together what we both like.
It is a lot of work and I am not sure at all if it is going to work...
Good luck for us

Answer 7

It is only natural to wonder what things "COULD" have been like, but you chose your husband over your ex....Marriage is a life long commitment, not something to just try out. It is a give and take and maybe you need to initiate what you need in the marriage, you have a child together now, its a bit to late to go back in life anyhow things are never like they were before. Make changes in your marriage, take the initiative to change things you dont like, it is NOT always easy, and it is a two way street, what was it about your husband in the first place that led you to belive you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him? Try to get that back..... Get couseling, you are not only dealing with your own feeling but the feelings of your husband and your child as well, not to mention friends and family. In the end if you feel you can not work things out and make compromises, then leave. It is a selfish act, in my opinion. but its your life, live it the way you want.

Answer 8

I don't think it's selfish that you want to be happy. My only thing would be that maybe you could be happy with your husband again? My ex husband tells me he didnt want to be happy with me anymore, thats why he started cheating. That was selfish. If you truly think there might be a way to be happy with your hubby again, isn't that the best thing for your new baby? If you try counseling, try talking to him, and that still doesnt work, that what is the best for the baby will be a divorce. But I think you should at least try. Give it a shot, then if it doesnt work, he at least knows you love him, you just aren't in love with him.

Answer 9

i don't think so i mean if you are not happy with him than you are not happy with him maby you should go talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are just incase you want to get a divorce so then you can see how much of everything you will get or talk to your hasband about it and tell him that you are happy enough but you are not fully happy in your realtoinship

Answer 10

No, honestly your marriage is a mess. Don't leave him, start cheating. Life will be exiting once again.