My husband and I have only been married 2yrs and we have seen each other and spent most everyday together since then. He says I'm too needy and that he needs his space now. We have a 6month old baby together and I just don't know how to give him his space when this is what I'm use to. How do I stop being so needy and what is normal spacewise?!?
2006-07-26 08:00:18 · 12 answers · asked by LilacGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whoa, just because you're married doesn't mean you need to be joined at the hip. If you've spent almost every day together then no wonder hubby is claiming suffocation. You both need to find some things to do that don't include each other. Bravo if you can go day after day seeing him every moment, I could never do that. Heck, I have more than two dates a week with the same guy and I'm needing space. *laughs*
All joking aside, the great thing about marriage is that you managed to find somebody that has enough interests and goals that are in common with you to make a lasting relationship. What you have to remember is that what makes that man your husband and not your siamese twin is you both have interests in your life that are different from the other's interests.
Give him some space either by letting him go play poker/pool/etc with his buddies, or by finding some kind of social club or hobby activity that you can do outside the home. You need some time for yourself too m'dear. There's no shame in getting a babysitter for junior and going to get a manicure, pedicure, massage etc. even just once a month. Go out to lunch or dinner with your girlfriends or even go browse for some books to read or movies to watch at the library.
Just remember that "till death do us part" doesn't mean you have to be stuck like velcro to the spouse until he dies of asphyxiation. You can do it! Good luck!
2006-07-26 08:11:43 · answer #1 · answered by bibliophile_1976 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a personal requirement. You're in a needy state right now (new Mom, new baby, relatively new marriage etc). You probably ARE more needy right now. But he should be aware of that need and be there to compensate. YOU have a lot on your plate! But then probably so does he (job, maybe school, new father, provider etc)
Try to understand and meet his needs. Also communicate to him that right now your in a "need intensive" time that requires him to give a little more "care and concern" effort points than normal. Let him know that this is a transcient time and you'll level out as the needs of the new baby settle down.
Check out the following website. It can answer your questions much better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view of a guy's psyche. This has many ideas for new parents that could answer many of your problems.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-07-26 15:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normal space is allowing each individual a life outside of the marriage meaning time with friends and family or doing hobbies or whatever enjoyment they have that doesn't involve their spouse.
When your married you still should consider that each person is a individual first and being such deserves to be able t o enjoy themselves without their mate sometimes and the other mate shouldn't be creating conflict and not allow the person to enjoy things dear to that person.
You can stop being needy by getting to do things that you enjoy doing whether its a hobby or any other things that you don't always need to include your spouse for.
Theirs Needy and then their need- If your acting like your spouse has to be with you every time he breath then you have some personal problems within yourself and you need to work on them before the space is gotten outside the home do you get what I mean?
2006-07-26 15:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, this guy is trying to sucker you something fierce! You don't get married and have a baby if what you want is space! He's your husband and the TWO of you (not just you) have a child together, its his job and his responsbility to be around everyday. You don't give him his space, how much 'space' do you get? And exactly how is he defining space? Where does he plan to be when he's getting his 'space'? It would be easier to answer if I knew that and its certainly information you are entitled to. I mean of course you don't need to be sitting on his lap whenever he is home, but it is certainly his place to be home everyday. Sounds to me like he's looking for a way to be out screwing around and make it your fault. You aren't needy and I don't know any women who don't expect their husbands to come home everyday. Sure he can go fishing once in a while, or whatever he's in to but this sounds like more than that to me, if he just wanted to go fishing he'd say that not 'i need space'. And of course, you have to be given the opportunity to do the same thing. Remember that everything in a marriage needs to be a two way street, so if he gets 'space' (which i assume means time away from you and the baby) then you get 'space' which means he cares for the baby and you go do whatever you want to do. This is just ridiculous and he'd get nothing but laughed at from me. That baby is just as much his job as it is yours and if he is trying to make you think anything else is true then he's just trying to bully you and don't let him get away with it! If you do it will set the stage for you getting walked on the rest of this relationship. I'm very sorry to say this but it sounds like your boy has decided he may not be too crazy about being married and having a child. Did he complain about 'space' before the baby? Sometimes having kids can really rip a relationship to shreds.
2006-07-26 15:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well every day together is absolutely suffocating. If you are in favor of that, then you are indeed needy.
I think 1 night off from the family a week is fine. Maybe 2 here and there. 1 night for him, one night for you...it is fair - you both need some space and alone time with your friends. It's just not healthy to not have that.
As for how do YOU stop being needy...I dunno, just stop. :-)
2006-07-26 15:35:06 · answer #5 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my husband went thru this. "His" space equals to time alone, or apart. since you have a new baby that is not needing every single moment from you, you have more time on your hands. Put the baby to sleep(if the baby sleeps nights) then plan a romantic dinner for you and him, turn out the lights and talk, talk, talk. find out what he is wanting, and what would make him feel better. but be careful. use statements that start with i feel like... or i am thinking of this..... if you start with i need or i want or something like that then you may start a fight. Depends on how your hubby works when it comes to talking. so good luck and stay safe!
2006-07-26 15:08:07 · answer #6 · answered by justonemore_25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a 6 month-old, then he's probably feeling the need for a break. The first year of parenthood is really hard and he could probably feel renewed from a day off once in a while to do things on his own. Maybe you could too.
2006-07-26 15:04:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let him stay at home half the time and take care of the baby while you go out with yoru friends or just to the book store to study and read.... Guys are weird they like their space, its nothing against you... we dont like being left alone too much and we dont like being overcrowded either...you just gotta find that equilibrium point where you are both happy.
Good Luck!
2006-07-26 15:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by Bay Area Real Estate Realtors 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends what kind of space he is looking for. I think you probably need to ask what he really wants.
2006-07-26 15:03:33 · answer #9 · answered by Hello Kitty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Normal:
Going out with friends once in a blue moon.
Hobby
Not normal:
Going out every night
Going on trip alone
2006-07-27 03:52:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋