We now have 2 children together. He is paying child support for the other 2 that live out of state. He does not support my children financially neither does he spend any time with them, but even though he is paying child support for the others he feels the need to buy them clothes and so forth even though he pays child support. He also feels that because he lives in the same house as my children that, that is enough. When the other 2 come to our house during the summer he wants to take all of them places and spend time with them, but he doesn't do that for my kids when the others are not around. We argued about it. I told him that he is being unfare to my children and I wasn't going to sick back and not say anything. We have argued about this for 2 weeks. He thinks that he is right. I am to the point that I will end our marriage over this. I love my husband, but I will not allow anyone to treat my boys unfarely. My pastor said that I am, but I should be the bigger person. I cant do it
2006-07-26 07:51:58 · 9 answers · asked by Keke 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids are really young(5 and 2). They know that something is wrong, but can't quite figure it out.
2006-07-26 08:03:12 · update #1
Keke, I think that your hubbie if anything has the feeling of guilt that his other two kids have to live without their dad, and since your kids have a dad they should be ok.
He is trying to compensate..., over-compensate for this fact. He needs to be more balanced, especially since he is married to you now and he has a new responsability towards you three. If he doesn't, then he will end up with another failed marriage and two more kids without him.
You two need to sit down and talk about this, and before going to a marriage counselor, he need to go for help first, like going to a counselor. After he deals with his demons, you two can go to a marriage counselor so you two can deal with you frustrations without getting out of control.
He is just trying to be a good dad to his kids, but can't find his balance, or doesn't know how to deal with it without detaching, since you're his family now.
Argueing with him won't get you anywhere but get him more comfused and madder. Don't threaten him, but tell him that he needs to realize that he has two more kids that are watching all this. He is creating bad blood without thinking it.
Go for help, if wants whats best for everyone.
2006-07-26 08:07:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's feeling guilty - from not being there for his other children so he makes up by buying things or taking them out for great times. It is very unfair for him not to take your children out when the others are not there - because your children are not stupid and when they get old enough they will surely let him know how they've felt growing up around that. Wives and mothers are always the givers/bigger ones - if you love him hang in there - try suggesting to your husband that on the next day off together you've planned a outing for your family - and if he refuses to go take your children anyway, but remember not to ask him in front of your children so they don't hear the answer from him, he better have a good reason!! Consider yourself in a husband-less marriage.
2006-07-26 08:06:39 · answer #2 · answered by Leila 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very unfare and strange that he would support the other 2 kids but not the 2 kids that you both share. I feel that you are in the right for being upset. Discuss how you feel and make an ultimatum, and tell him to do the same for your children or else you will be contemplating divorce. I understand you love your husband but I feel that your husband is leaving you no other alternative if he does'nt comply. You're not only communication and trying to make amense but your giving him the chance to redeem himself and your pastor cannot fault you for that. But, in realtity you need to do what's best for you and your children, only you know and truly understand whats going on. Good Luck!!!
2006-07-26 08:05:33 · answer #3 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you clearly. His child support obligations to another has nothing to do with his financial obligations to his kids with you and I would not accept anything less.
The fact that he lives directly in the house with his other two kids and don't spend anytime with them is a very serious cause for my concern and he will have no other choice but to get it together sooner rather than later.
If you choose to keep having kids, I feel you have a financial obligation to take care all of them and just because your with one of the mothers doesn't excuse that responsibility and again I would not accept anything less.
If you don't take care of all your kids, I would have a problem with that and yes it would be grounds for a serious consideration of my my marriage because I cannot compromise on something so important to me and my kids happiness.
Now I know your husband can comprehend such because he is providing for his other two kids so he know what providing is he just need to provide more in the house and if he doesn't you have a right to have a problem.
2006-07-26 08:02:21 · answer #4 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do agree that your children are being treated unfairly, however it seems like the reason he's doing more for his children from previous marriage is because he feels guiltly for divorce. i would definitely not sit back and allow my children to be left out. do your children together feel as though they are being left out? if so you need to have a serious talk, not a fight, a heart to heart. out of curiosity do you work? if not tell him that you are going to get a job so that you can support your children yourself, if he allows you to do that then he doesn't care how you or the kids feel. if he gets your point, you'll see the change really quick. i wish you the best of luck
2006-07-26 08:07:25 · answer #5 · answered by chickenlittle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds normal - someone treats their own kids better than kids who are not theirs. Surely you saw this before you married him, no? Why'd you marry him then?
Nothing you can do about it...I mean...he's being a great dad...just not to kids that are not his own.
Black and white situation - he either acts like a father, or does not...there is no grey here. Your #1 priority is your kids...and they need a dad who will love them...not ignore them.
2006-07-26 08:50:43 · answer #6 · answered by Nightwish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in the right there it is very unfair, could you get your pastor to speak to him to help your marriage? Or a family member that he is likely to listen to?
2006-07-26 07:57:13 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki Rox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should talk to ur kids about this and ask them if they feel the same and if so have them talk to their father and mayb that will make a difference
2006-07-26 07:58:41 · answer #8 · answered by Fashion247 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You keep saying "My" children, not "Our" children. What's wrong with that???
2006-07-26 07:56:40 · answer #9 · answered by meiseau 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋