This hasnt been our only problem, but over all I really do love him. I am not sure if I feel like I should stay with him because we have been together for so long. I just dont know if I will regret not having kids later. If I have a kid I dont even know what I would do with one (daycare and stuff like that) Plus then I would have to find someone eles that I like enough to have a kid with. My fear is that I wont end up having one anyway and will have ended this relationship??? I dont have any idea what to do, we decided to give it six months and go from there. I know all my options I guesse that I am just scared to make a choice??!!
2006-07-26 07:47:55 · 30 answers · asked by jenz 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you aren't sure if you might want kids someday then I don't see the point in breaking up with you boyfriend just over the fact that he doesn't want them. If you definitely wanted children and he didn't, then I would say it would be best to move on and find someone that shared your dreams.
As far as the other problems that you mentioned having, all relationships have their problems, especially if you have been with someone for 11 years. What matters is how big those problems are and how you deal with the problems. I am assuming they aren't that big of a deal since you didn't mention any of them, but if any of them are bothering you enough to make you rethink being in the relationship then don't stay just because you have been together for 11 years. Yes it is a long time and I know it seems like a waste to throw all that time away, but wouldn't it be more of a shame to waste the rest of your life with someone that you really don't want to be with just because you didn't want feel like you wasted 11 years?
2006-07-26 07:57:01 · answer #1 · answered by MELISSA B 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Well a child isn't suppose to be a determining factor of whether or not you should stay with your partner. If you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him it should be because you love each other not because you do or do not want children. I would highly advise against having kids if you aren't absolutely sure that you want one and you certainly shouldn't have one with a partner who has been upfront about not wanting them. Sounds like you are looking for an excuse to end the relationship. I understand the fear of being alone especially when you have been together as long as you have but trust me being stuck in an unhappy marriage is far worse than being alone...not to mention cheaper. Look at it this way. If you stay together and you do decide that you want kids you are going to have to end it anyway. You are really just postponing the inevitable. Make the break, take time to heal, and find someone who you know for a fact kids or no kids you will be happy with.
2006-07-26 14:54:26 · answer #2 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea...your choice is to decide what means more to you: having a child or remaining with your boyfriend even if it means not having a kid. Hard choice, yeah. But why doesn't he want a kid? Are you guys at a reasonable age where it would work out well to have one, at least? HOnestly, I would stay with your boyfriend... maybe he'll want one someday, just not soon. Maybe you could slowly expose him to children somehow, both of you, and it'll give you guys some hardcore proof what it's like with a new kid, and you guys will either like it or not be ready. There are more options...but I think it would be irrational to leave your boyfriend just b/c he doesn't want one right now, and then go about hopign to find another guy as great as him, but who wants kids. I think you'd regret it or always 'what if."
2006-07-26 14:53:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You first need to decide if you really want to have children or not. Now is not the time to be worried about daycare an so on. The question at hand is do you want children. If this is going to be an issue then it's time to move on, don't stay just for the comfort of being with someone.
2006-07-26 14:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know - not having children might be a choise for some people. If you do want to have children, not having them will cause you alot of pain. It might turn out like a great sorrow for you, and when you turn 45 and you know that your fertile time is up - it will be like a personal crisis for you.
I'd give your boyfriend a second chance and really have a serious talk about this. It is kind of like an existential question. Not easy to decide either you are pre or con.
If he absolutely do not want children - for whatever reason - you know - I'd leave him.
2006-07-26 14:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by Tones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that having a kid is kool i have a child and its the best thing that ever happen 2 me,but in other hand u just got 2 make sure ur ready 4 it caus if ur not, its going 2 b very hard 4 u, ut i think its kool to hav a kid, and did u said u had a 11 year old b/f.......i think u guys r 2 young to have children but also he cant even develo sperm yet...........u still have a long time 2 decide 4 that........
2006-07-26 14:54:13 · answer #6 · answered by Beto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell ya, you're gonna wanna have some kids later,
99,9% chance.
But 11 is too young anyway to be thinking of having kids already.
You're still a child, and should have fun, not already thinking of making babies in about 10 years.
Oh sorry, i missread, the relation lasted 11 years.
2006-07-26 14:52:29 · answer #7 · answered by · 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
11years and he dont want a kid. what a loser.well if he dont then he dont and if u do then u need to dump him and look for a guy who wants one.yeah i know u want to be happy and all with the babies daddy but thats hard to do nowdays.u need to decide if u do want a kid and tell him how muchu want him to be the dad but if he dont then u have no choice but to go on.so tell him one last time u need to make sure he not just saying that.as 4 taking care of a child u can get free training.its not that hard u know.good luck
2006-07-26 14:56:51 · answer #8 · answered by SLICK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In time, you'll come to realize whether or not you really do want children. A friend of mine had this issue. She broke up with her long term boyfriend because he said that he had no desire to have children, though she wasn't sure about having children herself. One day, my friend saw a mother and father walking down the street with their children on their shoulders, holding hands. Ever since she has known that she wants children.
What I'm saying is that you'll somehow find out whether you do want to have children, or you don't want to have children. If you realize that you do, then this man is not the right one for you. It's important that we date people with the same (or very similar) core values if we expect the relationship to go anywhere. When you realize your true feelings about having children, your confusion about making a choice with this boyfriend will probably clear itself up too.
Good luck with this!
2006-07-26 14:54:13 · answer #9 · answered by Arabella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide if you want kids because if you stay and find out later you want kids you will feel really bad for staying. But if you can live without kids then stay with him. I can tell you if you stay because you think he will change his mind you are wrong. Do what you think you have to .
2006-07-26 14:53:26 · answer #10 · answered by melthule 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋