TO BLACK WOMEN age 40 & over: Was I Disrespectful? Need your Opinion?

Question

I am a 30 year old, Professional Black Woman. Three weeks ago, my mother's 58 year old female friend needed help with a work assignment from her job, and it was causing her stress. So, I helped her for 4 days, free of charge. During the whole time while I helped her, I called her by her first name, "Anne"....After the 4 days was over, I called to ask her a question and I said "Hi Anne!", and she got Angry and said "FIRST OF ALL, MY NAME IS MRS JACKSON, I HAVE CHILDREN YOUR AGE, I'm MRS JACKSON TO YOU!"...I was shocked. I calmly told her that I apologize, but since I am 30 years old, I didn't think it was offensive. She said, "Well, thats just MY preference"....I decided that I no longer want to deal with her, and I told my mother that I'm no longer available to help her... But my Question is:
Do Black Women Over the age of 50 think its Disrespectful for Black Women my age to call them by the First Name??

PS--I just met her for the first time Last Month---my mom only knew her for 2 years.

Answer 1

It sounds as if Mrs Jackson is "old school"...but only when it suits her.

Personally, with the way things are nowadays... with everyone calling everyone else by their first name from the bank teller to the mailman..
I really find it hard to believe that she would even take the time to give each and every one of these indviduals a 'dressing down' for their faux pas in calling her by her first name.

My feeling is that her attitude towards you was more of a generational problem. I think it had more to do with the fact that she had to ask a younger woman nearly 30 years her junior for her help, and it didn't sit well with her.

So in order to keep the status quo, when the project ended she immediately pulled rank on you, so to speak. She seems intent on keeping things on a professional level. So, if you should have occasion to deal with her in the future in a similar situation, I would suggest you request that she also extend you the courtesy of calling you you "Miss---- , instead of by YOUR first name.

However, if you don't intend on having to deal with her again, I would just suggest you call her "Mrs Jackson" whenever you have occasion to run into her, and ask that she extend you the same courtesy when addressing you. ;-)

Answer 2

Why must this question only be answered by black women? Do black people have a different "code" of manners than white women???? Anyway, being that you gave of yourself and helped this lady, it was unquestionably rude of HER to try to "pull rank" because of her age. Four days is a mighty long time to help someone and keep up the professional title. If anything, she should be calling YOU Mrs. Whatever your name is. It was, after all, YOU that helped HER.

Besides all of that....you're an adult. She's not a stranger, nor do you work for her professionally. There's no reason to be required to address her in such a formal way. Sounds to me that she may be embarrassed somewhat that she needed someone younger to help her. If that's the case, she's the one with the problem.

Bless you for taking the high road though and apologizing. That was probably more than I could have done.

Answer 3

It's not so much as being disrespectful. As adults and evening young adults, Mr. Miss or Mrs should be addressed before the persons name. In young adults, it teaches them to command respect. You put yourself in a better position by using the prefix titles first. If the person does not wish for you to use Mr. Mrs. etc. then they will let you know that you can call them by their first name only. I think it is important to establish if it is okay to address the person by their first name. As far as that particular woman, she was only interested in using you. She tolerated you calling her by her first name because she needed something from you. You should not feel offened. She only showed you how unhappy she really is in her work or marriage. If she were happy and mature, she would have corrected you earlier on face to face, however she chose to hide behind the telephone. In any case, I think at some later date she may apologize for her rude behavior. Please don't judge black women like that. Judge everyone based on how they treat you. Most woman over 50 are just happy to be alive,healthy and concern with looking good. Anyone over 50 and worried about there title is just miserable.

Answer 4

Hi
I am a older women working around men and women much younger than I. They all call me by my first name. I am not offended by this at all. When my children were younger I did not put those demands on their friends. Most of their friends did call me by my first name and BELIEVE ME I was RESPECTED by all of them. I do not think that calling a person Mr or Mrs is a valid sign of respect. We must all respect one another and we do so by the way we act towards each other. On the other hand if this person wants anyone to call her Mrs. that is her prerogative and we do want to give her the honor. Thanking you for allowing me to share this.

Answer 5

Only if they are evil wenches. Sounds like she is jealous. She should've snapped, er told you a long time ago if she had a preference about what to be called. She can't stand your youth. You were NOT disrespectful.. She's trippin and wants to be you. That's the deal.
(sorry, I'm not over 40 but I have 6 sisters and 24 female cousins...I KNOW women)

Answer 6

1st you were not wrong or disrespectful at least I dont think. I am not 40 but something with older black women that are professional think that they deserve titles in my opinion but everyone is the same to me I worked at a dr's office and this lady would get offeneded cause we didnt call her Mrs I dont get it I dont call the SVP Mr I call him by his first name I dont know people always want status or a title to make them seem better but they are no different than anyone if not worse than everyone else

Answer 7

A lot of times yes. Black culture has always been a respectful one. Quite often you hear more black children than any other race use ma'am and sir. Its a respect thing. However if she did not first know it was you when you called, she may have been angry at all of the telemarketers that call and ask for her by her first name. I know it peeves me and I have yelled the same thing at the them. Not the I have children young as you part. But I tell them they dont know me and it shows a lack of respect to call and ask for me by my first name like they know me. I hope I was helpful!

Answer 8

i'm 40 seven, and definite my mom and dad raised me to handle my elders as Mr. or Ms. I nonetheless try this with some caveats a million. If i'm asked via the guy to apply their first call 2. if that individual isn't lots older then myself (60 and decrease than) 3. or if i've got asked, am i able to call you (first call) i'm questioning that she exchange into the single being disrespectful. and that i do have a topic with, Mrs. Jackson, if that's what she had to be referred to as then the correction could have been made out of the onset. it seems extraordinarily obtrusive that she wasn't gonna chew the hand that exchange into feeding her till after she exchange into feed. do no longer sweat the small stuff female, and don't enable her get decrease than your dermis, merely chalk it as much as experience. As for me, i do no longer evaluate myself to be sufficiently old to be a Ms. something, and that i do choose that individuals use my first call.

Answer 9

I'm black and sorry only 39 but I think Ms Jackson needs to lighten up and loosen up her tight *ss. My mom does not have that attitude or her friends.If she did not say something from the beginning she cannot expect you to know how she likes to be addressed. She obvioulsy has a problem and probably one of those who will tell you about back in the day... women wore hats and white gloves to church.... yada yada yada, you know the ones.

Answer 10

Well, I'm not black, but I think you were fine with what you said. It sounds to me like you were more than respectful to her. Some people have a problem with things like that, but after all you did for her, she was the rude one, not you. Don't worry about it.