My boyfriend is German and 'funny' about certain things.... especially about telling people that I have kids from a previous relationship... my girls are 8 and 10 years old... they are very sweet, and often wonder why they can't go with me and him places... I know he is afraid to tell his parents that he is serious with a girl who has kids, is divorced, etc... now he has ME scared to tell them too.... (just met them last night, and they are VERY friendly... !!) But I know German's are more uptight then Americans, esp about the 'proper' or 'right' way to do things.... so I am just wondering... obviously at some point the truth must be told... that I am divorced, with kids, etc.... I do want to be married (to him!) and have more children.... he is 34, and I am also.... we have been together over a year now... so my question is, is it NORMAL to not tell the parents that the person has kids? And at what point DO you tell... and isn't it more uncomfortable to 'come clean' later?
2006-07-26 07:33:46 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you want to have a relationship then you need to have an honest relationship. You need to have a man in your life who will be part of their lives and this includes telling his parents that you have children.
And the right way? "I have been married and have children. Any questions?"
2006-07-26 07:37:07 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this might not be what you want to hear but this is just my opinion. It should be up to your boyfriend to tell his parents. That shouldnt be on you and since he IS 34, he should be able to stand up to his parent and whether they like it or not shouldnt matter. His parents then have the choice to accept it or not. Obviously your boyfriend has no problem with it and hes happy. Also, I would defintely be careful about leaving your girls out of things. They need you right now with or without the new guy and its best to include them as much as possible so they dont feel like they have to compete with the new guy for your attention. If they dont get your attention now, they will later and not in a good way. Just put it all on the man and if he cant do it then maybe a serious relationship with him isnt the best idea. You and your girls are a package deal! Good luck
2006-07-26 14:40:30 · answer #2 · answered by breeokc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uptight or not dont you see this as a HUGE problem ? He has been with you for a year and has not acknowledged your two children. You dont take them with you places because of it. I wonder what your poor girls think. You literally are choosing this man over your children. If he hasn't warmed up to the idea of telling people about your situation in a year what makes you think he ever will ? Nothing about this situation is normal. I'm shocked actually.
2006-07-26 14:40:12 · answer #3 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Meeting them the first time would have been the most appropriate, but don't pass up your chance the second time you meet them. No matter what the nationality, families can and will feel slighted if something like that was kept from them.
I told my parents before they even met my fiance three years ago that he had a son on the way (his ex was pregant with their child when I met him) because that's not something that you can usually keep hidden.
It's better to tell now than to wait, or even worse, be found out.
2006-07-26 14:37:43 · answer #4 · answered by Bachman-ette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just terrible to deny your own children for a man...He doesn't respect you or your feelings or your children. And, when they find out they will feel betrayed and lied to as well. Put yourself in their shoes..yes, they're from a different country but, they aren't going to nail you to the cross for having children. It happens all over the world, not only in America. Why would you ever consider marriage with him??? He needs to stand-up with you and your children and say to his parents this is his choice in life. If that is indeed what he's thinking...or are you just another notch in the headboard??? Your children are your closest family he's the outsider and should hope you accept him into their precious lives, if not kick'em to the curb. Hold your head up girl...don't let anyone make you feel less than because you're a single mother. They should have the utmost respect for you and yours. Don't settle for less than you deserve.
2006-07-26 14:44:02 · answer #5 · answered by Cynthia O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if he loves you he should love and accept your children if not your in for alot of problems in my opinion this has nothing to do with his parents this is a problem he has what will happen if you marry him, you need to get away from this guy something is not right just as he wants you to understand that they are German and "are funny about certain things" he should understand that you are a mother and your "funny about certain things" Like pretending you don't have children,
2006-07-26 15:37:30 · answer #6 · answered by Katrina Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter who you are noone has a perfect life past. i am sure if you explain to them that you have children they will be okay with that. You should not "punish" your kids for something that is not their fault (ie: when you explained that they are not allowed to go out with you two) You should be proud of your children and want to show everyone that you do have great girls. I'm pretty sure they will except them in... now me and my italian fiance had a daughter prior to marriage (big no-no in the italian culture) but his parents couldnt love my daughter more. Kids are great and i would be honest up front with them! start the conversation off with a picture they drew for them or a craft they've done for your future in laws. have pictures!!! and if they don't except them in thats their loss..... but i honestly don't know too many people that would not accept a inocent child into their lives... good luck
2006-07-26 14:45:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The longer he puts off telling the truth, the more uncomfortable it will be. How silly of him to just not tell in my opinion. Exactly what is the harm that you have two beautiful children from a previous marriage? His parents can judge how good of a mommy you will be to his kids much easier since oh my gosh! you already are a mommy! ... In my opinion, he needs to get over this. How does he interact with your kids?
2006-07-26 14:38:46 · answer #8 · answered by Uncle Tim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that it is really not their business to weather or not their son loves someone with children.
I too am in a relationship and engaged to him. He is also of a different background. I am also divorced and have 2 kids 7-9. He loves me and when we became more serious and we knew that it was someday to be permeate then we told. But actually his mother already knew from He telling her himself when we first started dating!
I feel you should tell them but it should not affect your love for each other it's the guy that if he accepts you that should be all that matters!
2006-07-26 14:42:20 · answer #9 · answered by vcaring 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell them the truth. There is nothing wrong with having been divorced and having children. You should tell them as soon as possible and have his parents meet your daughters and they will see how wonderful they are and what a good mother you are. If he insists on not telling them the truth, then he is not as serious about you as you are about him.
2006-07-26 14:39:53 · answer #10 · answered by italian_princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋