How do I tell my husband his best friend ask me to have an affair?

Question

Heres the situation. My husband and his best friend are 50/50 in a business relationship, that they run on the side after they work there other jobs. I stay at home with my children and watch my husbands friends kids too. About 8 months ago my husbands friend came onto me with some inappropriate touching. I told my husband about it, and he got really pissed off. We talked with his friend and he said sorry it won't happen again. Well it happened again this week. The friend is now divorced (2month now). He back me against the wall and tried to kiss me. I dodged the kiss, and he whispered in my ear no one will ever know, we can take it to the grave with us. He told my he wanted to have sex with me, and began touching my while I was pinned against the wall. I finally got him to stop and leave my house. Do I tell my husband about his friends behavior, or just let it go so I don't ruin there friendship and the business. I know my husband will want to hurt him bad. WHAT DO I DO PLEASE HELP!

We are only alone because he usually quits working about 1 1/2 before my husband and he comes to my house to pick up his kids that I watch during the day.I am happily married for 5 years now and would NEVER have an affair. I have always told my husband everything.

Thank you to those of you who read the part about Me watching his children. Thats why we were alone I told him NO several times before he stopped and I absoultely DO NOT make any kind of advances towards him. I am in NO way attracted to this man I AM VERY VERY HAPPY IN MY MARRIAGE.

To clarify his children are 15 month old twins and my children are 3 & 7 months old so they are to small to realize what he was doing to me was wrong.

that should be 3 years old and 7 months on my kids ages

Answer 1

Tell him now! This is not a friend of your husbands. If he is willing to try to take advantage of you...lord knows what liberties he will take in the business. If your husband loves you he would rather dissolve a business relationship and get rid of a loser friend then tolerate that. What happens when this creep rapes you...he sounds capable of it!

Answer 2

This is a very sticky situation. On one hand you need to tell your husband so that he can stop his friends behavior ( Hopefully without causing any more problems). On the other hand you definitely don't want to mess up your husbands business.

However, I would tell him despite the possible consuquences. I'm sure your husband could find a way to manage the business himself or find someone else to be his partner or something. There are always other options. His friend needs to stop this behavior immediately. You could charge him with sexual harrassment. I know you may not want to do that because of his children but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. You shouldn't have to live like that. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable around your husband's friend. It's better to do something rather than nothing.

If you tell your husband, find a way to make sure that he won't do anything physical to his friend and get locked up or anything. Make sure you remind him of what affect that could have on you and your children. It would only make matters worse. Or just tell his friend that if he doesn't back off you're going to tell your husband or call the cops. Maybe that will work. If not, try to get a restraining order on him. You really shouldn't be any where near him again if he's doing this to you anyway. Tell him you can't watch his kids anymore.

I understand your dilemma. I hope I helped a little. But the decision is up to you. Just know that if you don't do anything about this then his friend will probably keep trying. I don't know his personality or anything but he might even try to rape you if he doesn't get what he wants. Try to make the best decision. But don't wait too much longer. This could become dangerous. Good Luck.

Answer 3

Yea you should definitely tell your husband. What you have with your husband is definitely more important than whatever relationship he has with so called best friend. First of all, what he did is called sexual harrasment. Tell your husband first. You may want to watch out for that guy afterwards, since he might be revengeful and try something. He may just be wanting some action since his divorce, but that still does't give him an excuse to sexually harass you. Tell your husband exactly what he did to you, and then stand back and watch the fireworks. I mean, a friend like that isn't worth having. And your husband should know that as well. Any guy who lets some other guy do that to his wife isn't a good husband. But don't refrain from telling your husband because you're afraid that he might take it out on his friend too harshly. Unless you want legal action, try to dissuade your husband from legal action and/or reporting him, because if the guy gets sent to jail, he will lose custody of his kids. By the time he's out of jail, you guys will have quite a bit of trouble on your hands.

Answer 4

You don't want to ruin there friendship but your willing to sacrifice your marriage??? Hmm lets think about that. I would sign out right now and pick up the phone and tell your husband. You already waisted part of this week. Part of being married is trust and if your husband trust you, he's going to take your side. Do you honestly think that this guy is gonna stop on his own just because you tell him too? If he did it 8months ago, he's gonna keep doing it. At least you have the prior time to back you up so your husband knows his so called friends history. Just curious, where were the kids while this was happening? If you don't tell your husband, he's gonna think, it's not because you don't want to jeopardize their friendship, it's because you obviously liked it. Theres no other reason to keep that from your husband. If that's what I think and I'm a complete stranger, that's what your husband is going to think too.

Answer 5

If you let it go, that gives the other guy more reason to keep trying.. And that will just result in more trouble. You should definately tell your husband. If you trust each other it is important to tell the truth. It's not your fault that his friend is pulling moves on you, so don't be afraid about "ruining their friendship". Obviously HE isn't being much of a friend, and maybe your husband should re-evaluate their friendship. Plus, you wouldn't want to lose your marriage over something like this. That guy sounds weird, and he might just try to pin this whole thing on you. Also, he shouldn't be allowed at your house if it's only you there. He can't be trusted. What a creeper

Answer 6

Next time he pins you against a wall, knee him in the groin as hard as you can. It is now self - defense. He assualted you.

Don't let him touch you again- at this point it is considered assault and sexual harassment. I would definitely not be around him alone anymore.

OR you could tell him to meet you at a local hotel - then have your husband show up. Then let your husband take care of his friends needs.

Your husband should know - if it happen once and he respected you, then it's a one time thing and just move on - but since he continues with this behavior it shows he does not respect you nor your husband - he should not be considered a friend anymore.

Answer 7

Wow! what a predicament. I think you already know what to do and that is to tell your husband. There is no other choice other than that I believe. Because if you just let it go, then he will continue on doing it. Pushing unwanted sexual advances is harrassment. Having it done to you the second time makes it even worst. Also if he is the kind of person who tries to seduce someone's partner behind his back, then what good is he as a business partner? Also, If he was a real friend he wouldn't do such a thing. So do tell your husband and distance yourself from the guy. Good Luck!

Answer 8

What your husband's so called best friend did is very inappropraite and honestly scary. You need to tell your husband, if this man is coming into your home and forcing himself on you, you need to for your own safety and sanity. The friend sounds like he has some deep issues and that crossed a line. I understand you don't want to ruin a business or friendship but this man sounds like a sexual predator. Staying silent will only encourage him to act out more. Please tell your husband, if this man goes further it may be more trouble and emotional damage later like you raped or put in a comprising postion. The friend's divorce has nothing to do with it, most men would never cross the line like that with their best friend's wives esspecially it breaks a code. This guy is sick, it's not your fault and you have to speak up.

Answer 9

You tell your husband and if he keeps on touching you then you will have no choice but to take legals mean even if it means suing or calling the police to let him know you mean business.

Since he already knows that you have previously told your husband and he still keep on persisting for sex he is indulging in a criminal act sexual in nature and I would have him prosecuted because obviously he didn't stop even after your husband spoke to him and maybe he has some mental and sexual issues but the courtroom and a jail cell will be a first step to getting to the bottom of them..

Maybe your husband can end his business relationship with this man because you should be his first priority this is one time I will say business can't mix with pleasure especially if it isn't coming from your husband.

Answer 10

Don't be stupid. Tell your husband. Why?

1) There is no friendship to ruin. The friendship is one-way, ie. your husband is being duped by his so-called friend. No true friend would come onto his his friend's wife. You husband, if he finds out later, will be angry at YOU for allowing him to be made a fool of by treating this guy like his friend.

2) If he is willing to go behind your husband's back and cheat with his wife, this guy is willing to go behind your husband's back and cheat him in business as well. He is completely untrustworthy and you are risking financial ruin.

Don't be an idiot. By not telling your husband you are transferring your husband's anger from the friend onto yourself. It will ruin your marriage. If you keep it in for any longer, I guarantee his first response will be "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Then it becomes YOUR fault, not the best friend's.

As a man, he will want to know, immediately.

Answer 11

First don't let this men in your home again. It sounds like he might force him self on you. Tell you husband right away. Always have another person in the home when he is their. Report his actions to the police, for documentation. Protect your self. It would be one think if he ask you to have sex. It is another that he backed you against the wall. By a taser and a gun. Learn to use both. Don't trust him again. I have been with a lot of women in sexual settings and when a women says no I always back off no matter what. I am not a rapest. He maybe.