I won't go into all the details (although my other questions outline our more recent history), but my marriage has deteriorated to a matter of convenience (the house, the kids, etc.). I often think that any other two people who had our relationship would have divorced years ago. Even friends and family seem puzzled as to how or why we haven't already called it quits (they know we've tried counseling, marriage retreats, etc.). Why, given the circumstances, do I sob at the idea of divorce when logically it seems the only option?
2006-07-26 06:49:16 · 17 answers · asked by ophelia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because you are giving up on the dream you once had. It's hard to let go. But once you take that step you know you must take, things will start to fall into place. Promise.
2006-07-26 06:53:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you sob over the loss of a dream you had for the future. Or maybe over the loss of a man you loved but can't find right now.
I don't know your situation, but if the worst thing about your marriage is that it feels like a marriage of convenience right now, you don't have to get divorced. There is still hope that those feelings can be rekindled over time, especially if you are both putting in effort. The odd thing about romantic love is that if you do the actions--behave as if you are in love--for long enough, eventually the feelings follow. Consider what it was that made the two of you fall in love in the first place. How can you work to recapture that first feeling of love and wonder?
If your situation is more definitive than that--as in repeated unfaithfulness--you can still feel great regret at having to give up hope for a life-long marriage. Whether or not it is your fault, divorce is a type of failure, and it hurts. It's okay to sob--perhaps even appropriate.
2006-07-26 14:02:04 · answer #2 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a loss. It's the loss of something for which you once held high hopes. It's admitting defeat publicly. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had a marriage which had become no more than house sharing but I still grieved terribly when I left. I didn't want to go back but I was very sad for a while. May I offer hope? You ARE doing the right thing and you WILL find happiness. Great good luck.
2006-07-26 13:59:47 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took me a long time. 14 yrs total in a dead marriage. I stayed for years for what I thought was the kids sake, but it wasn't the right thing to do. When I finally did leave him I lived alone for 3 1/2 yrs without moving on. Then finally I pushed and got the divorce, met someone new and remarried a yr later. I now have a beautiful baby. You don't know what the future has in store for you, but if you live in limbo you're not really living imo. It's hard to finalize it and say goodbye to him and the marriage, but if it's not real then what are you accomplishing by staying? Best wishes to you.
2006-07-26 16:26:40 · answer #4 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married four years ago to a man I thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and the last six months our marriage has gone down the hill. We don't see eye to eye about anything anymore and like you I wonder why its so hard to let go. I think it is because we become dependent in some way and scared of being alone. If you have gone to counseling and done everything you can to make it work and your still not happy, Maybe you need to separate for a while and see where it leads. I wish you the best of luck. And remember you only have one life to live...
2006-07-26 16:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by Talia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The loss of anything we once valued is very hard for us to except.
While you have nothing now that makes this relationship good the finality of divorce is just that........loss of what you know. At times even convenience is better than loosing...even if you have little to loose.
You don't say why it has gone bad. Is it on your part...his....or just a general lack of interest on both your parts.?
There is no magic solution to this. You have tried everything but nothing brought it back.
By divorcing it frees you both up to move on with your life. While the loss is hard now it will get much better and gives you the chance to find what you always wanted.
Very valuable lesson as to what to look for next time.
2006-07-26 14:01:21 · answer #6 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because marriage is a habit. And if you divorce, you must break that habit and that hurts. If that is the final decision, then, time will heal your pain. I was married 12 years and my wife walked out on me and 3 kids. It hurt so bad. But time has made me better. I have scars, but am getting better each day.
2006-07-26 13:54:11 · answer #7 · answered by ndmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there,done that.It hurts to know that something you have invested in for so long is at an end,I felt like I was losing my best friend but if you both are miserable then you should think about being happy again and do what ever it takes to get there.It doesn't mean your a failure it just means that you need to move on to better times.
2006-07-26 13:58:26 · answer #8 · answered by coolkid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because divorce is heartbreaking, it is a failed marriage, a broken home, the memories will now be with your ex and not your present .....dirvorce is one of the most painfull experieces in life. it is broken. nothing will ever be the same again.
if you been married for over 20 years.....is it realy worth it to continue the divorce ? just think about it, it seems like the only way out, but it is the HARD way out.
2006-07-26 13:54:51 · answer #9 · answered by destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're crying because the marriage you had such hopes for in the beginning is a failure. If you know you've done everything possible to make it work and it's not working that's it. Try to keep things civilized and do yourselves and your children a favor and get out.
2006-07-26 13:55:04 · answer #10 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋