I'm 35.I have 2 daughters,ages 15 and 9.The 15-year-old girl had sex with an unknown boy 3 weeks ago.A few days ago,we found out that she is pregnant.Tell me in your opinion,should we keep the baby and make it part of our family or abort it - if she aborts it she may not have children in her future.Or should we give the baby for adoption?I don't know what to do.
2006-07-26 05:17:28 · 78 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
This is the ripping debate. Abortion or not!!! I will not press my opinions on you, as many will. I will give you guidance through your own heart:
Abortion: Can you honestly live (and your daughter especially) with the guilt of having killed an unborn child, a little baby. If neither of you do not see the fetus as a baby, then abortion may be right, but it could also be a view that changes later.
Adoption: Your daughter will live her life wondering how her little baby is doing. This child that she felt every inch of its tiny body as she gave birth, now living with someone else. Will she ever want to meet this child again, and could she live with the fact that the child may never want to meet her....
Raising the child: Is she ready to sacrifice her entire life to raising a child, are you ready to start all over raising a child in your home, being both a mother and grandmother about 6-7 years after changing your youngest daughter's last diaper....Her High School, college, military, dating, family futures will all be either permanently stopped, put on hold, be rather difficult....
The decisions will have to be yours. Now, write down the reasons to do all the above, the Pros and Cons and make a decision together.
Good Luck. I'd really like to know how things turn out.
2006-07-26 05:21:34 · answer #1 · answered by Mark W 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry to hear this. It has to be hard for you and your spouse. Your baby is now carring another baby. If I was in this situation, abortion would not be a choice. By no way am I against it, but that is my choice. If you abort it, think of what its going to be like for the next couple of years or even longer. You guys will know about the time it was due and you will wonder if it was a boy or a girl and what would it's personality be like. Who would it look like? And so on... I thought very strongly about this when I was 18 and became pregnant with my first child. And all those things came to mind. If you guys are not in the position to raise another child, then I would suggest giving it up for adoption. If you are in the position, keep it. I have a friend who had a baby at 16 and she had all the love and caring she could need from her parents. They gave her help by watching the baby so she could finish school. Every day when she came home, it was her job to take care of that baby until she went to school the next day. You guys just need to have a family meeting and discuss the options and let your daughter know that you will be there for her. Find out what she wants. This is your grandchild, and I would want whats best for it.I guess the answer your looking for can only come from one person and that's your daughter. Good luck and I hope all goes well with you guys.
2006-07-26 05:36:05 · answer #2 · answered by Debbie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
KEEP THE BABY!!!!!
You cant imagine how hard is to go through an abortion and how traumatizing it could be for the rest of her life.
To give him for adoption would be a dream come true for people like me that cant have children and want to adopt. But I can honestly say that I would prefer not having that avaliable child to adopt than to let your daughter keep it. Why? Because it is probable that she will regret doing such a thing later, specially because she is very young and she more or less will let YOU decide for her, and that's not fair.
She is very inmmature right now dont put such a hard desision over her shoulders. KEEP THE BABY!!! and start sharing more time with her, educating her about sex, life, responsabilities, etc. Help her continue with her studies and to be a professional so she can support her own child in the future. You kept her when she was a baby, let her keep her own baby please.
God bless your family! I honestly wish you make a wise decision.
2006-07-26 05:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by Daniela Sylvester 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say no to abortion. I had my first at 16. I felt so bad and so ashamed for letting my parents down. But we kept her and I am very glad a greatful. Your daughter is probably going through a lot right now. Ask her what she wants to do. You may be stuck helping raise your grandchild, but in the end it will all work out. Help her continue with high school and to college. After all she is now a mother and she needs to do the best she can to have a good life for herself and her child. If you guys really do not want the baby then give it up for adoption, but once done you may never see that child again and will always wonder what they are doing and how they grew up and what they looked like.
When you had your kids did you give them up? Of course not. What is your heart telling you? You should follow it. There are more and more teen pregnancies now a days, and more of those babies are staying with their birth family. Your about to be a grandparent(sooner than you wanted) so I would enjoy it. My mom did, even though she was mad and upset with me. She was constantly buying new things. And into the whole pregnancy. She was happy to have a baby around and spoiled her rotten. That's what grandparents do anyways. Just continue to help her out emotionally and financially. A lot of teens have sex and she was one of the ones that happened to get pregnant.
Good luck and may God give you the guidance and strength that you need.
2006-07-26 05:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by sweetsugakb24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... im for the right to choose to abort or not. If she can't handle the whole pregnancy thing, then abort. And if she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy but doesnt think she can take care of a baby, then its time to start the paperwork for her to give the baby for adoption. If she thinks she can handle being a mom, and the responsibilites then keep the kid.
But I would first find out who this guy is. 15 years old and she is going out with unknown boys and having sex, its time for you to start being a mom, which is probably too late since she's 15. Hopefully you'll teach your 9 year old to not do something like that, and make her older sister an example!
Good luck with what ever you do.
2006-07-26 05:26:14 · answer #5 · answered by Mac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can and your daughter wants to you might consider keeping the child but you and your daughter must be the ones to decide.An abortion is an option but if this maybe her only child ( abortion won't cause that normally) then one must consider the long term and how does your daughter feel about it as this action can be traumatic.There are a lot of people looking for very young children and babies (especially) to adopt so this is almost always a good choice when having to make this difficult decision.Remember though your daughter MUST be a part of the decision making process.
2006-07-26 05:31:39 · answer #6 · answered by Daniel H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have the money and your daughter really wants the baby then keep it. If she doesn't want to take care of it then maybe you could adopt it of find someone to adopt it, their are plenty of couples out that that would like to adopt. Whatever you do don't let her have an abortion it's murder. I would also suggest that you find out who this unknown boy is and tell him that she is pregnant. You daughter can also get child support from the unknown boy when you figure out who the boy is. Explain to your 9 year old the consequences of having sex to make sure she doesn;t do the same thing. Also take your daughter to some parenting classes to show her how to take care of a baby, their are also things like WIC that she can get on for food for her while she is pregnant and formula for the baby once it is born. Good Luck
2006-07-26 05:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by rebel_sweetheart2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a decision she is going to half to make you can not in any state that i know force any one to have an abortion even under age but if this is something she is considering then she needs to make that decision because even if she wants it in time she will or may have problems with it so it need to be something she can handle, If she dose not want or believe in abortion and she is not ready to be a teen mom then Adoption SHOULD BE THE WAY TO GO, Find a great adoption agency they most even give after care their are two type of adoption closed and open closed mean she dose not want to know or see the baby after it is born, Open means she can be part of the child's life even though it would have other people raise it.
weigh all this before jumping the gun it a hard hard road for her mostly but i know it hard on the parents also i am sorry she and you are going through this no matter what you decide i think family counseling is going to be need after words because this is always going to be in your life.
Good luck on what ever you choose.
2006-07-26 05:29:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's her choice with your advice to help her along the way. Ultimately though you should respect whatever she chooses. She got herself into this ...force her to grow up a little and make an adult choice. If she choose to keep it... take it into your home and love it in the only right way.... love it as if this baby was planned from the beginning and cherish the baby forever. If she chooses to abort... support her and get her the best medical care there is out there. If she chooses to adopt... support her fully and start looking now for a good agency. This sounds as your best option to me... because it sounds like you don't want the baby and there are plenty of people out there who can't have children who would love this baby with everything in them. Adoption sounds like the best solution for your family from the way your question is worded. However remember this is your daughters choice...it's up to you as her parent to advise her and guide her... and respect her ultimate decision. THEN when the dust has settled and the issue has past ... be it she had the baby or not... get her on birth control pills. Yes i am sure you and she both say it will never happen again... but it will. Better safe than sorry.
Best of luck to you and your family.
2006-07-26 05:26:46 · answer #9 · answered by purple dove 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you, I would make her suffer and learn from her actions. Let her keep the baby but make it be known that she is solely responsible for it. Find the boy and talk to his parents about child support. Make sure she gets her prenatal care and everything, then when that baby gets here she needs to get a job after school and every check she gets goes to the baby and you will need to make sure that is done. She needs to finish school, no hanging out with friends. She does her school work, work and tend to her child. If you are going to babysit then she needs to pay you. If she wants to play adult then show her what it is all about since she went out there and had sex with some boy when she had no business doing so. This should wake her up. Do not abort and definitely do not give that baby up for adoption, your daughter needs a wake up call for real. This should not be a slap on the hand whatsoever. I know this is what I would do to make my kids realize they are too young to be having sex and this is what can happen when you do.
2006-07-26 05:23:34 · answer #10 · answered by Coast2CoastChat.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋