ok the person to tell the funniest joke gets the 10 points?

Question

thats right a joke contest. whoever tells th funniest joke gets the 10 points. o dont hold back on cussing or racism. i realy dont care as long as its funny. well get started.

wow theres some funny ones so step it ^ a notch.well actually theres 2 great ones so far.

this is getting realy tough to decide. so keep 'em coming.

Answer 1

After a long day at work, a man goes up to a high class bar at the top of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a drink. Soon a drunk approaches him...

"I bet you i can jump out that window" he points to the window at the end of the bar, "fly around the building, and meet you here in thirty seconds."

The man, is stunned. He doesn't quite know how he can prove this feat, so he tells him to prove it. The drunk stumbles to the window, and jumps. The man runs over and looks out the window and does not see the man. Stumbling backwards, he runs into the drunk.

"How did you do that?" the man asks.

"Easy. You jump out the window, turn left four times and climb back in," the drunk replies. "Do you want me to show you again?"

"Yeah," the man says.

So the drunk jumps out the window again. About 20 seconds later, he is stumbling through the window, climbing back into the bar.

The man thinks that there has to be a trick to this. "Let me try."

"Ok," the drunk says. "Just do what I told you, and you will be fine."

So the man jumps out the window. A few seconds later, there is a crash and people screaming on the street.

The bartender comes over and stands next to the drunk. "Superman, you sure are mean when you are drunk."

Answer 2

This couple wanted a baby really bad but the woman could not conceive. The man decided to consult the local witch doctor and ask her what to do and the witch gave him a large red pill and told him to give it to his wife and the next day she would conceive a baby. The man did this, the woman nine months later had a baby boy but the only thing is the baby was just a head. The couple were disappointed but they loved the head very much and on the heads 21st birthday the father said " son, you are now a man, we will go to the local bar and celebrate your birthday." So to the bar they went and the father sat down on the stool and put the head on the other stool and told the bartender "two beers, one for me and one for the head here." The father drank his and then poured the beer down the heads throat. " two more beers please, one for me and one for the head here he said." The father drank his and poured the other one down the heads throat and all of a sudden the head bounced to the floor and started sprouting arms and then legs and a body. The father was so happy he cried and yelled "beers all around". Everyone toasted the boy for his birthday and the father drank his beer and said to his son "drink up boy"!. The boy did and fell off of his bar stool dead. The bartender looked over the bar at the boy on the floor dead and said " You know, he should have quit while he was ahead!."

Answer 3

A man goes up to the bar tender at a bar and orders a beer in a big mug, after finishing the beer he then places it on the other end of the bar and goes up to the bar tender and says

"i will bet you $50 that i can sit in this stool here and pee into that mug over on the other side of the bar"

the bartender takes a long look at the mug then back at the guy and and says

"your telling me thet you can pee into that mug over there from here, its at least 10 feet away"

the man responses "with out missing a drop"

The bartender agrees and watches as the man unzips and starts to pee, and it goes every wear the floor the stools even on the bar tender on the bar the mugs every wwhere but the mug, meanwhile the bartender is laughfing his *** off.

when the mans done he goes over to some men playing pool and gets some cash, then comes back to the bartender laughing and gives him his money

the bartender askes why he is laughing and the man says

I just bet those guys $1000 that i could pee on your bar your mugs, your stools, and you and that you would not only not get mad but be happy about it.

Answer 4

The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners.

And...

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

But I personally like TheOracleAtDelphi's the best. :)

Answer 5

Whats a Leprosy-patient in a box?




a 3D puzzle!

Answer 6

there is one thing which a male can see.It may be with his mother, sister ,a woman in his neighbourhood, a stranger woman etc, etc etc except his wife's. can you guess what it is.
He can see every other woman who is a widow but not his wife in the same situation.

Answer 7

What's the difference between a bench and a black person?
A bench can support a family.

Answer 8

Roses are red
The sky is blue
I was made pretty
What happend to you?

Answer 9

There's this famous french fighter pilot named Pierre - he takes a woman out for dinner one night, and as they're finishing their appetizer, he opens a bottle of white wine, pours a glass, and throws it in her face. She goes, "Pierre, Pierre, what are you doing??"
He replies, "I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I kiss the lips of a beautiful woman, I like the taste of white wine."
She shrugs, letting him kiss her, and they go on with dinner. As they're eating dessert, he opens a bottle of red wine, pours a glass, and throws it on her chest, ripping open her shirt. She shouts, "Pierre, Pierre, what the hell do you think you're doing??"
He replies, "I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I kiss the breasts of a beautiful woman, I like the taste of red wine."
So they finish dessert, and they go back to his place, and they're getting ready to do it. She's lying naked on the bed, and he opens a bottle of cognac and pours some on her love triangle. By this point, she's kind of gotten the drift, and she doesn't object. But then he lights a match and drops it on her. She jumps off the bed and starts hopping around, trying to beat out the fire with one hand and slap him silly with the other, yelling, "Pierre, what the HELL do you think you're doing?"
He replies, "I am Pierre, the famous fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames." :)

Answer 10

There once was someone on Yahoo Answers who thought they had a witty question to post.

But it wasn't.