Please Help Me?

Question

My husband is breaking my heart. We have been married 3 years we have a beautiful 1 year old son and to me everything was perfect. However, he has told me that he is not happy and that he no longer kmows what he wants. He say's he needs time as he is confused. I am beside myself with worry and cannot eat. His Mum says give him time, but I am a great believer in talking things through. I feel like I am dying.

Thank you all so much. I have contacted a marriage counciller. I am being strong around him but I think this is confusing him more. I think what he said to be was not meant to be aired. He say's he regrets telling me because he could have worked things out without hurting me. Sometime's at home it's just the same as always and then suddenly it's as if he remember's that he's not supposed to be happy. He's also becoming a bit of a spend thrift. We have booked a couple of night's away in August at the hotel where we got married. We have also got a family gathering at christmas in canada which he mentioned in a positive light this morning. I love him so much and I don't won't to lose him. He has always been a great husband and father. This is a first.

Answer 1

OK, I went through that EXACT same thing very recently. Do not hound him, what ever you do, and do not hover over him. Busy yourself. There is nothing you can do to make the outcome go your way. If this is real for him, he will come around soon enough. And, as hard as this may be to deal with, he may go the other way, but what you need to know is that it will be for the best. Can you really be happy with someone you know is only pretending to be happy with you???? If you need someone to talk to, my yahoo id is also my yahoo email, feel free.....I feel for you.

Answer 2

You will naturally want to talk things through and he won't - it's how guys and gals work. Pushing it may well push him away, so let him find the time and the place to get to an answer. Marriage and children is quite a life changing situation for anyone and he is probably suddenly realising all the adjustments he has now to make, and all the changes to his relationships with others - a lot of responsibility. I reckon as your child grows this will bring a lot of the happiness back and mitigate his sense of loss - he'll see why he wanted all this, and accept what it means.

At the same time don't leave the conversation too late since he may be trying to work out stuff in his head that could be better sorted out as a couple.

Answer 3

First inhale deeply--now exhale slowly. You have let this person be your world instead of a part of it. HE needs to grow up and get his act together. Chances are that he is attracted to some new thing and is overwhealmed by the family responsibilitys. Try and change his pattern without him actually realizing it. Stay happy around him, spice up your private time together, it may bring him back to his adolesence and take his mind off his other distractions. Let him know that you love him and he should in turn tell you the same. If he will not change his attitude, let him know that the last thing that you want is a divorce and child support and splitting up everything you have earned so he can go out and play. Tell him to talk with people that have divorced and spent time visiting their kids, sending 30-60% of their weekly pay for child support and try to live as a playboy on the rest. He will not like what he hears. Better he finds out the price he will pay before he gets totally stupid.
Good luc and chin up!!

Answer 4

He is not confused. Be clear on that! He made the decision that he wanted out and to tell you that he wants out. Now, this will sound totally impossible to you, but it will work. If you accept his decision and just go along with it, he'll suddenly become clear that he doesn't want YOU to move on. Besides, he expected you to fall apart. But it has to be convincing. Ask if he's decided to get an apt/house, if you're not working, start looking. If you have an extra room, move his things in there. Things like that. DO NOT FALL APART IN FRONT OF HIM! Do that at your mother's house or a friends. I mean, what do you have to lose? After all, if he leaves, according to him, he was leaving anyway. What you have to gain is keeping your dignity in the likely event there is someone else in his sights and you will be just that much further on with starting a new life. Sometimes that's not so bad. What would be bad is if you continue to plead and beg him to talk and then you find out there is/was someone else. Then you just look pathetic. And do you really want someone to stay when they don't want you or just for the baby? Good luck!

Answer 5

How can he be confused you're his wife and the mother of his child, he either wants to be with you or not! Is he still at home or has he moved out? His mum probably means well but why should you give him time! time for what? to see if he loves you?
Do you think he could have someone else? As heartbreaking as it is, it might be a possibility. This may sound patronising but i do know what you're going through - and honestly, if he don't know now he'll never know. He knows you're suffering, he sounds a right a*******! You've got a beautiful little boy, please stay strong and hold your head up high - then tell him to f*** off because you've got a life to live and can't waste it with a p**** like him!

Answer 6

"Time as they say is a great healer" give it some time. However, most men ( i am a man by the way) don't know what they want they keep serching all their life and not even know when their dream has come true because the don't sit and think where they want to go in life ( a least 90% of the male popluation are in this sad state)

I bet your husband cannot give a reson for his unhappniess! You know why? Because he doen't know it. The fool is just wondering about feeling unhappy. Most men in this state cannot and will not talk. Try to get him to talk to get to the bottom of this. I think you will find he is very insecure and confused as to what he want's in life. Most importantly you look after self first as your child needs you. Please don't feel as you are dying because are not. You are the strongest person in this realationship. This point of view was written by man.

Answer 7

Now is the time to seek family counsel.
He has told you this, which means it has been on his mind for some time, and perhaps he has only just now decided to tell you.

Be careful. Protect yourself. See an attorney.

Why I say this, Is not because your husband has strayed or has an agenda, but because you need to protect you and your baby.

This may work out, or it may not.

If it works out, then Great!

But if it doesn't at least you will have been prepared and protected.

Protect yourself. He sounds as if he is taking steps to protect himself by telling you he is thinking of leaving. He may tell you, to give you time to cope so his guilt is not so High!

Don't forget his mother, is HIS Mother, not yours and she will protect her son at All costs!

So protect yourself now. You and Your Child are worth it.

Sometimes you have to think with your head, and not always with your heart.

If all is back to normal later, then what damage did it do, other than costs you a few dollars.
Good Luck!

Answer 8

Wow.. I"m so sorry you're going through this... suggest marriage counseling... maybe while you were busy with the baby you didn't see signs of his unhappiness... he may not be making the transition into fatherhood very comfortably and doesn't know how to handle it... mmm... talking is good, of course, and women need to do that more than men (that's an understatement, isn't it?), but it might make things worse... couples almost always need a mediator because things can get out of control... they need to be forced to listen and realize mistaken thinking...
i hope things get resolved quickly because the baby is going to feel the bad vibes between you two and the sadness that you are experiencing... PLEASE see a marriage counselor, and make sure she has a good track record of keeping marriages together and not always recommending divorse or separation... good luck!! (that's an understatement too)...

Answer 9

At least his mother is on your side,my bf of 6 years done the same thing to me a month ago and has now decided he doesn`t want to come back and sort things out,we have a 4 year old son,his mum has given him money to rent a flat,i dont think she ever thiught i was good enough for him when in fact it`s the other way round.

Answer 10

He could probably use a one time counsel with a pastor or therapist to help sort out and maybe help him figure out exactly what is bugging him. Space is good but too much time should not pass before talking,not emotionally,just talking and figuring out what happened and why. Don't bring up any fights because the fights are just symptoms of the real issue. Pray and ask God for direction and strength.

Answer 11

I know it's difficult but I agree with his mum - give him time. Everybody gets a bit confused sometimes and we occasionally need to put the brakes on and take stock of what is really happening. Perhaps a holiday or a trip somewhere, just the three of you, will help him with this confusion?