I ended a very controlling relationship 1 mnth ago and just found that I am pregnant. Should I tell the father

Question

He was also abusive...and he blames my family for helping me to leave...he states that if we are together I will not see my family bacause they have caused so much problems. But they have not...the helped me leave a BAD relationship. I do not want my child around this...I am scared...I am not young by any means..but I have many fears and concerns. I want this child and will love and support it. This child is innocent.

Answer 1

Your seriously asking if you should tell the father after you just told us he was abusive? No. You owe your child a happy childhood. I left an abusive relationship aswell, only to find out I was pregnant. I told him and I've spent two years in court fighting. Don't do it. Don't even put him on the birth certificate, because that will give him rights. Rights he doesn't need, nor deserves.

Answer 2

You have just answered your own question, but I think you need to hear it from the people at Yahoo to make sure you are doing the right thing. I would never tell the father in this situation. If it was any other situation, he would be entitled to know, but this guy sounds like he will use the baby against you and your family and you do not want a child brought up by an abusive person, no way. Don't tell him and let your family be the role models for your new baby. Good luck.

Answer 3

This is a very personal opinion from my own personal experience. Do not tell him. Continue on and let that guy fade to black. I know alot of people will say that he has a right to know, but what happens is he ends up controlling/abusing you through the child. Ultimately you will probably meet and marry a wonderful man who will adopt your child for their own (yes there are really good men out there that do this). You do not want the Courts forcing you to allow your child to be with an abuser, even if he doesn't abuse a child he may abuse a future girlfriend or wife in front of the child and that isn't any better.

Unfortunately because of the nature of abuse, it will be like you are on the run. It is best to put this guy out of your life and do the best you can for you and your soon coming child.

Answer 4

I probably wouldn't contact him or offer up any info to anyone who's close to him (family or friends), especially not right now while you're still pulling away from him and clearing your thoughts-- he might use your pregnancy or the baby to manipulate you into coming back to him, which I'm sure you know would only result in yet another round of abuse and control and perhaps even a miscarriage. He'll most likely hear about the baby sooner or later and if he's interested in being in the child's life, he'll be in contact with you. I'd probably wait until he got an attorney and legally pursued a DNA test to find out if he's the father and to establish visitation. If he's not serious about wanting to be a daddy to the child, he will most likely be discouraged before it gets to that point. Listen to your gut. Contact an attorney if you have to to find out your rights and his rights and the child's rights, because legally, if it's proven that he is the father, he has a right to be in the child's life, but you may be able to insist on supervised visitation.

Answer 5

it would be rite to tell the father about it, but u wouldn't want the child to be around the father after he is born. rite now, he has the right to know he's the father, but because of his abusive behaviors he won't get to keep the child or get near the child if u get a court order claiming that he's too abusive to take care of the child and the child wouldn't be safe with him. im sure ur family will help u through this as well.

Answer 6

Well as him being the father of the child.. he does have a right to know about the pregnancy. However... that does not give him the right to control you at all. You have a right to happiness and a life without feeling scared. I guess if it were me.. I would tell my parents.. tell his parents and then tell him. PS and they ALL need to know how he has treated you in the past. You will have to set the rules and decide what you will and will not put up with. It may get nasty.. I dont know him .. but just be prepared for the worst but expect the best. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 7

If the guy was abusive, letting him know he has a kid will only give him an avenue to drag you back into the abuse. If your family is supportive, and you can raise the child in a safe environment, ditch the creep. Your child will be better off with a single mom than an abusive father and battered mother.

Answer 8

You are in a tough situation - the first thing I would do is get a protective order. Once the order is in place I would tell him. Every child deserves to know their parents (good or bad). The other thing you need to do is get a custody agreement filed with the courts so once the child is born you will have all the legal documentation you need. I would push for supervised visitation only. Congratulations on becoming a mother.

Answer 9

First of all, it is his right to know. Now........tell him that you will take every step to insure that he won't see his child if he doesn't get into some kind of counciling or anger management program, because you will not take the chance of him harming the baby or you.

If you love him, be there to support his efforts, but never be alone with him in doing so until you feel he has accomplished something. And that you will not raise your child with him, until he proves he can be a good father and husband.

Answer 10

everyone has a right to know when their wife or girlfriend is pregnant. if they were abusive or not but that doesn't mean that you have o be with him. you don't want your child growing up around that and it would affect your child in someway. so yea tell him but DO NOT go back to him no matter what he says. he will not change for anybody even if he says it so don't believe him. and never put any man before your family. blood is thicker than water.