cheating wife?

Question

my wife cheated on me twice, how can i ever believe anything she says now? she says she loves only me but thought she was missing something. apparently her affairs were not for sexual or emotional reasons. i have found this out through joint counseling. is it time to just dump her azz and move on? or should i stay and tyr to resolve it? the bible tells me i should forgive and work things out. we have 2 boys ages 5 and 7 they are the light of my life

Answer 1

ok honey, i know exactly what you mean. the bible tells you to forgive, and you can do that. but you have to figure out what is the best way for you to forgive and also to be able to move on with your life. just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to be with them anymore. do what is best for you and your children. are you gonna fight day in and day out and always have this on your mind? is your love so deep enough that you can actually say in six months, or even two, this won't matter? or are you gonna hide it and carry resentment that will hinder your relationship from growing, which will eventually lead to raising your two boys to believe that no matter what, even if they are not happy with their life and lover, they have to stay. think about all the issues, don't second guess yourself, and follow your heart. do what you want, what you need, and screw what everyone else thinks; except for your kids. and even in divorce you can still be there daddy, and in their lives. just because you divorce your spouse doesn't mean you stop loving your kids, and as long as they know that, and no matter how hard it gets you are willing to do whatever it takes for your children......they will be okay.

Answer 2

It sounds like you really are trying to forgive her, and that's great! Keep working it out, through counseling and at home. And the suggestion everyone keeps giving about getting individual counseling for yourself is a good one, too. And pray to God that both you and your wife's hearts will change, so that she will stop cheating on you and disobeying God, and you will be able to love her with God's love and forgive her.

Don't stay just for the kids. At some point in 13 years, there will come a time when you may sort of resent them in the back of your mind, and that would come out in how you treat them. They can be one of the reasons you stay. But they shouldn't be the only reason. Don't put that kind of pressure on your kids.

It's great that you're trying to listen to the Bible; that's a really hard thing to do in your situation. Jesus actually says that you can divorce someone if that person is unfaithful to you. But it's a "can" not a "must." The Jewish community he was speaking to could get a divorce if the husband wrote a formal letter of dismissal to her. This actually protected women's rights, because a woman could no longer be thrown out on a whim, and once a woman was divorced, she was in for a hard time of it. But this law was designed by Moses because he knew that people were going to sin and screw up, not because it really is a good idea to get a divorce. Jesus was trying to get the Jews to realize that marriage should be entered with divorce not even in your mind, that it was a horrible thing to divorce someone for anything less than adultery. Marriage is a bond that is incredibly strong and mysterious, and divorce doesn't really break that bond.

I'll be praying for you. I'm so sorry that this has happened. Please try to resolve things. Marriage is not all about being happy and lovey-dovey with the other person; if you decide to stay this is going to be part of the "worse" stuff they talk about in your vows, and you need to work hard to get back to the "better". Divorce tears people apart inside, including you and your kids. If she's changing her ways, then you don't want to leave her now. And remember, God loves you so much. So turn to Him for comfort and guidance during this time. He knows how much you're hurting, and He wants to help.

Answer 3

I remember my wife told me this before we got married she told me honest that if I ever cheat on her or kiss a girl or getting oral sex or date a girl she will end the marriage no matter if there is a second change ever come in her mind.

So, what I do Never cheat or anything behind my wife back. Reason why I love her and I did what marriage all about. I will do the same thing if she did that to me. And if twice she already did to you ????? I think that affairs does have to do with sexual and emotional reason. If there was no reason for that then she shouldn't be cheating on you first place. how can you found out though joint counseling??? they don't know you and your wife and they don't live with you guys???

You both know each other 24/7, 365 a year, 8,760 hrs each year. and being married to her. Who cares about joint counsling they are there to make money that all. If you really really love her and Bible said to forgive then do what bible said and Counseling don't tell you the bible to said to forgive didn't and will never say that. They sure want you come back every week or what ever days you both going to see that person and he making money for his living. Don't care what you think or say. They want you do what they want both of you to do.

That why I never never ever go to Counseling. My wife and I work very very hard to make this marriage works. and somedays we do have plm but it take longer to solve the plm. We do have 2 small children. We doing what best for us and kids. We don't have to read the bible to say forgive and forget. We know what true believe.

So, try to work it out and if you are willing to forgive her so many time she cheating, screwing guys, other stuff, then you shouldn't be asking for help on this yahoo answers.

I learn now that I don't need to asked questions just answer the questions that I can help. I am not counseling but I know what is Marriage is about. Nothing to do with parents, Counseling, Church, Bible, etc. It two people need to work it out.

I hope that this helps. I wish you best of luck for both of you.

Answer 4

You seem to think you only have 2 choices 1. Leave or 2. Stay and trust her as if nothing had happened.
You forget #3. Stay, but make her earn your trust back.
It will take a lot of time. Probably at least a few years. The thing is, do you want your sons to grow up in a home without you? That's what will happen. And if you leave your wife, she will definately have other men in her house and bed. I don't think you want that life for your sons. I would make it clear to her that although you love her you are very angry and very hurt and that she needs to be willing to do whatever it takes to earn your trust back. Whether that be not leaving the house without you or the boys, or allowing you to check up on where she is without notice etc...
If you two are in counceling it bodes well for the marriage. Make sure that your councelor is making your wife take responsibility for this affair and not blaming it on you. She had the power to tell you something was missing before shagging some other guy.
In your wedding vows you promised for better or worse. Welcome to the worse. It will get better if you and she are willing to struggle through this.
You may also want to consider that even if you can't remedy your relationship with her that you might want to stay anyway. At least for the next 13 years. Once your boys are out of the house their need for the two of you to be married and living together is diminished a bit. IT will still hurt them and effect their lives and marriages, but it wouldn't be quite as devistating.
I don't envy you. But you seem like a good and brave man. Do the right thing by your boys and try giving them an intact family.

Answer 5

Has something in your past happened to lead her to "feel she was missing something" ? Like have you flirted or cheated in the relationship before? If so, not saying she was right, but that might lead a woman to use a selfish motive to soothe the hurt, even if you've done something a long time ago and thought it was resolved. *If you have done anything she did not know about, consider it Karma, the universe's way of biting you in the butt.

Now, if you haven't done anything, scratch what I said before and continue on with counseling. Some women really don't know how to appreciate and respect a good guy married or not. Now they can learn so my advice is give forgiveness a try before throwing in the towel. Let her know you will not continue to accept this and that if she does continue, you're obviously not enough for her and maybe she needs to move on. That will fear of loss her and cause her to hopefully think about what she's doing and why.

Answer 6

Maybe it has something more to do with her self esteem. Since her affairs wasn't for sexual or emotional reasons. If you can live with your wife being with other men by all means stay with her work it out over and over again. The bible did say forgive and forget however it also states if your spouse is unfaithful then you can get a divorce. I'll get back to you on where to locate that in the bible but I know it's there. It's all up to do to decide if you want to be with her or not!!! It's all up to YOU!

Answer 7

Your wife has broken trust with you twice and the partner who has been betrayed often stayed for the children and even for love. But trust is a big factor in relationships. Some believe that trust is unconditional and some believe it is earned. I have to say she shown twice she is unable to earn your trust and to add insult to injury the affair wasn't even for emotional and sex reasons...it sounds like she just did it for fun.

In all honestly, I would seek some personal counseling and build up yourself and then rethink what you want to do about this relationship. It doesn't sound to healthy and more than likely she will probably do it again. once a cheater always a cheater. I know you love your children, well then put your heart and mind into them. If you decide to divorce try to do it mutually if not go and get custody. if you decide to stay realize that you will probably have some trust issues with her and you guys will need marriage counseling. I know this isn't easy...we all have problems in our lives but yours is the most important not hers.

The bible speaks that you CAN divorce for adultery. God never wants us to put up with hurt. If you're a Christian seek some spiritual guidance through prayer, fellowships, and even your pastor, but know the bible would only want you to not be bitter against her not just stay in a relationship and be unhappy. So if you leave the relationship you can still forgive her.

Take care and God Bless.

K

Answer 8

Only you can answer this question. You are in counseling together, so that's a good start. This should help you both in deciding what you want to do. If the affair wasn't for sexual or emitional reasons, then why did she do it? I guess that question must have been answered during counseling. Continue the counseling, if you still feel the same, then do what you have to do. Maybe you should go to counseling on your own also. This may help.

Answer 9

Well counseling is a good step, but I had a husband that even after counseling still cheated again. So here I am 14 years later and feeling like i should have gotten divorced a long time ago because once a cheat, always a cheat. Good luck and you have to follow your heart. Your kids will be ok in whatever you decide as long as you love them. They are smarter than you think and you don't want them to grow up thinking that it is ok to cheat.

Answer 10

I'm sure all the ladies will tell you to "stick it out and just forget about it and move on in your life with her and make her feel sexy and wanted"
BULL...
If a guy did this they would be telling the woman to take the kids and dump his ***.
The way I see it you need to find a good lawyer that will fight to get you custody of your children. You deserve them since you have done nothing wrong! The only thing your wife loves is the security you give her...the house...the car...the food and money...all the benefits of being in a relationship with someone you love. That is what she loves and is afraid of losing. She went out to find some "bad boy" to bang so she could feel hot and sexy. I don't care what she told the counsler...she did it for the SEX!!! She thought she was missing something.....yeah right.....she thought she was missing out on some hot sex with some studboy.
Fight for your kids and everything else you have and let her go find the dreamstud she is looking for.
You keep everything else and find a good, loyal woman for yourself and those great children of yours.
Good luck my friend.