I was a victim of date rape and I pressed charges. I tried to keep everything quiet among my group of friends, but since he was a part of our circle, naturally it came out to more people tahn I wanted. Its kind of tricky but as far as friends go their was only one of our friends that was close with both me and him.We'll call the mutaul friendtommy. Tommy was with the guy when I confronted him over the phone the next day. He put 2 and 2 together as bits and peces of what happened came out. Tommy confronted me wanting to know what was going on and I reluctantly told him. I didn't want there to be any confusion so I told him everything. The investigation was dropped despite the evidence and witnesses because half his family is on the police force. Tommy remains friends with this guy, despite everything. In fact a week after I told him he was playing poker at the guys house. Can I stay friends with Tommy in good conscience or should I be mad at him for not being there for me.
2006-07-26 03:54:58 · 16 answers · asked by sragic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I reported the crime within 48 hours. What's interesting about the answers I'm getting is that I tried to look at the situation for Tommy's point of view- I didn't want to lose a friend but I couldn't help from being angered about his actions. So I posed a question on yahoo from his point of view. He's friends with both of us and caught in the middle. Every person who responded said that he should remain friends with both of us. But when I ask the question from my perspective almost everyone says that I should end my friendship with Tommy.
2006-07-26 04:41:05 · update #1
Drop "Tommy" as a friend. He has shown more allegience to the rapist. Get on with your life and seek counseling. Seek a new group of friends or only those who support you. You will only cause yourself heartache if you continue to be with firends who are also friends with him.
Don't subject yourself to more pain honey ...be strong and keep on marching
2006-07-26 04:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by bearklektor 5 · 10⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one cause it really comes down to you. I guess if it was me, I'd probaby stop hanging around Tommy. Just start to slowly grow apart from him. Doesn't have to be some big blow out, you can't blame him for being friends with this rapist guy. He's also put in a tough situation. He's probably trying to stay as neutral as possible, but it's hurting you in the process. I would say, cut ties with Tommy and then maybe you can move on with you life and not be constantly reminded of the rape. Good luck, and I hope you got some counseling.
2006-07-26 11:03:39 · answer #2 · answered by curious_maya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I wish you had given more details about your recovery. Are you in therapy? Do you have someone you can talk to? Is your family supportive of you? Good for you for pressing charges. Sorry the DA won't go forward. This is a very personal decision. For me, the answer would be no, I can't be friends with Tommy any longer. By remaining friends with this rapist , he condones his behavior. I don't need people like that in my life. Be strong.
2006-07-26 11:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Boose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just have to learn to cope with it. Therapy helps some people but not all of them. Don't remain friends with Tommy. If he's still friends with that guy, it's an indicator that he's not a loyal friend to you.
You should write the Govenor or the DA if you feel strongly about this. They do have the power to get you a hearing. I know this for a fact.
That sucks. I'm sorry to hear about it. Hopefully you can get past this one day.
2006-07-26 10:57:37 · answer #4 · answered by Corn_Flake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tommy sounds like a jerk. If he doesn't respect the fact that you went through a traumatic experience I would dump him as a close friend. Have you looked into getting a lawyer in order to pursue further options against the rapist? Good luck, and stay strong!
2006-07-26 10:59:21 · answer #5 · answered by Janiffer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts, but the best solution is leaving that whole circle behind. Relocate to a new place, get new friends, and start a new life.
Or, set up a trap for that guy, video-tape the rape process, and use that as a virtual evidence to the court. This would be very effective but you will only get the justice but not recoverring from this way.
I would suggest just go.
2006-07-26 11:00:43 · answer #6 · answered by It's amazing?! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why didn't you come forward immediately? To just sit on something like that makes it look like you're using it as a weapon to attack someone you're mad at. Corrupt cops or not, the evidence will stand up if you come forward.
I feel bad for you, but I'm sick of hearing about women who press charges months or years after the fact. You should have been pressing charges the next day.
2006-07-26 11:00:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot choose tommy's friends but if you feel uncomfortable about his friendship with x, let it be known to him that you are uncomfortable and start to get counselling to begin on long journey to healing. sorry to hear about that. i wish that you begin the healing process very soon. i really do not know if your friendship with tommy can last if the very thought of him staying friends with x after all that has happened hurts so much. -good luck
2006-07-26 11:03:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell Tommy how you feel about HIS ambivalance over staying friends with the rapist. Then seek counseling on how you can handle the situation and remain true to yourself.
2006-07-26 11:00:35 · answer #9 · answered by Buffy Summers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're asking the wrong question. You should avoid Tommy because he associates with known criminals, not because he "wasn't there for you"... casual friends aren't required to be there for you in times of crisis. Lovers, parents, and the police should be, but it seems like you already went this route. Don't associate with this guy... he's a loser.
2006-07-26 11:00:13 · answer #10 · answered by polly_peptide 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋