Why do woman feel displaced about their relationship and think about leaving they are considered Selfish?

Question

I have read so many questions about women including myself when they are frustrated with their marriage or relationship if it were long term or children involved and we need advice why are we smitten like we can't say that or feel that way! It makes me angry every respose is always your selfish, or an answer to the affect of pull yourself up by the bootstraps! I mean is it wrong to be in a relationship and be sexually frustarted because the sex is a chore not a romantic manifestation of your love and lust for one another ( I get mad when I say no to sex and he wants it but it's not fulfilling to me)! What about being pissed about having to always have freaking children around all the time (there's no more you time or the both of you time)! What about the bickering (always feeling as though its money and bills and pointing the finger)! What about the change you have made to accomodate him (feeling as though your not getting back the return on the sacrafices you make) Yet we can't say it

Why do we women get slammed for speaking out about this or thinking of leaving? (Based on the responses I have read to questions needing advice and it was always more of a blame her and your selfish response)

Answer 1

Yes you can.;.... You can say all those things and you have the right to feel that way.... Noone knows what they are getting into with a person when they decide to marry them.... and as far as I can see, all women have the crudy end of the stick and men act as though once they are married, to h*ll with their wife and what she wants and how she feels.... he married her and gave her kids and his last name... she should be greatful. I say they are the selfish ones and arrogent!! Why do we get married in the first place? Why bother? I think the peice of paper and the lastname giveing is way over rated!! Good Luck to you... get out if you can... and don't ever mary again... its only man made anyway... true love and true marriage is in the heart and equally shared by the two lovers.... not a peice of paper that allows a form of ownership!!

Answer 2

That's just the way society is! They blame everything on the woman! Woman supposed to do this and be like this! It's like we don't have feelings more like robots. (I'm from an Indian culture by the way so I know exactly what you're feeling)... you're not the only one. But you know what, one day I am going to have the courage to do all the things that I want to do, time is not right yet as my children are still young, but no matter what people say or think would not matter cause I am going to do exactly what I am planning to do and if selfish is what I am ...so be it!!! If you've tried communicating with your husband , tried and tried some more and it's not working.... then live your life ... get some kind of independence figure out what you love to do, ignore him majority of the times, he'll get the message... eventually!!! He'll either give in or give up! Set you free!!!

Answer 3

You are not selfish for wanting to focus on your career and your goals in life, no. But you are selfish for leading women down tha garden path. What you are doing is emotionally abusive and, well frankly disgusting if you get some sort of rise out of this. It shows you are deeply insecure and need attention. You may also be a narcississt. What you are doing with these women is the result of some sort of mental problem, i'm no expert so for the sake of brevity all I will say is that you really need to sort yourself out before you see/date women. Because that IS not only selfish, but nasty, cruel, twisted and manipulative. You are playing mind games which shows you have a need to emotionally control women. If you don't change that you are showing the signs of a potential abuser, you are half way there by emotionally manipulating and abusing these women.

Answer 4

No need to feel battered by the responses, granted they weren't helpful or consoling. A man once told me that women subconsciously react to a man's actions. Not placing all blame on men, but they have an affect on the way we feel about ourselves, them and our relationship to them. We're just emotional beings and they are thinkers (though their thoughts aren't always helpful). If you are thinking about leaving, it's not because you are being selfish, otherwise you would have done it by now. You are simply thinking about it seriously and hoping for the best. It just sounds like you would like things to be better so you won't have to think about walking out.

*Should you leave, be sure that your are sure. You should not have regrets or try to go back if you leave, that will only casue confusion and make your own bed harder to sleep on. Try doing things to make yourself happy for thr next few weeks. Sometimes we expect our man to help make us happy but that only puts more pressure on them and you know how they can get under pressure. Allow "some" things to try to resolve itself and see how that pans out. We like to have everything in order all the time, but it's hard with two people and if you have children.

Answer 5

All marriages need 100 percent participation from both parties. You need to communicate with each other often and then some more. You need to make your spouse feel special and be willing to work on problems with them to make it work for both of you.

Sometimes we need to ask for outside help just to get an objective view. This is not bad nor blaming someone just trying to figure out a way to compromise and start communicating again.

Try reading "Boundaries in Marriage" it may provide some ideas.

Good Luck to You and God Bless!!

Answer 6

I don't slam the woman. Having been in a marriage, I know the pitfalls and sometimes its not your fault. Sometimes its clearly the other person's fault. Some folks especially men are going to slam the woman no matter what. So don't let it bother you.

Answer 7

Men can and do have similar feelings. There are always 2 sides of the story.

Answer 8

and so what are you asking????