tell me a joke ill pic the best and they will get 10 points
2006-07-26 03:28:24 · 13 answers · asked by brian n 1 in News & Events ➔ Other - News & Events
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
2006-07-26 03:36:52 · answer #1 · answered by kfetters6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
2006-07-26 03:35:31 · answer #2 · answered by Vtang 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This old man an woman where in the garden and the old man looks at the woman and says your butt is huge, i bet it's wider than the grill.
So the man proceeds to get a tape measure out measure the grill and then his wifes ***, sure enough it was 2 inches wider.
That night they were laying in bed and the man asked the woman if she wanted to fool around and the woman replied why would I take this big *** grill out for one little weinie
2006-07-26 03:35:26 · answer #3 · answered by boredgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy in a bar says to the bartender "I bet $100 I can stand at one end of the bar and piss in a shot glass at the other end without spilling a drop." The bartender tells him "You're on!"
So the guy gets up on the bar, whips it out, aims at he shot glass, and proceeds to pee all over the bar, the room, and the bartender. Doesn't even try, just pees EVERYWHERE.
The bartender puts on a huge smile and says, "You owe me $100." They guy says "Give me one moment." He walks over to two guys playing pool in the corner. They laugh and pass him something.
The guy comes back and now he's smiling. The bartender, still smiling, says "Why are you smiling? You just lost $100."
The guy says "Yeah but I bet those guys over there $300 that I could pee on you, your bar, and your place, and you'd be happy about it."
2006-07-26 03:45:00 · answer #4 · answered by C.B. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A pirate enters a bar walking funny. He sits down at the bar and the bartender notices that he has a ship's wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him "Do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate replies "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
2006-07-26 03:33:31 · answer #5 · answered by Yoi_55 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 2 men in the bathroom and 1 rushing to the bathroom. Can you guess there nationalites?
Rushian, European, and Finished
2006-07-26 03:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your momma's so stupid she put M'M'S in alphabetical order.
Your mama's so stupid she looked at a piece artwork, was like what is this peice of crap, and the guy next to you said it was a mirror.
2006-07-26 03:31:33 · answer #7 · answered by TheBlackWalker 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you save a lawyer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head
2006-07-26 03:39:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So this horse walks into a bar....
And this guy asks him
"Why such a long face?"
2006-07-26 03:31:44 · answer #9 · answered by Miss K. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
knock knock
who's there
dwain
dwain who?
dwain the tub im dwounding!!!
get it?
2006-07-26 03:31:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋