A question for divorce men, Do you think your ex wives teach your children to hate you?

Question

I've heard so many divorce men say that they believe that their ex wives teach their children to hate them. That they try to make thier children turn against them filling there head with that "Daddy doesn't love you because he left you syndrome" How many of you have ever experienced this? What did you do or (try to do) to ease your childs hurts from feeling like you left because of something they did or because you didn't love them? why do you feel (other than the obvious) that your ex-wife would condition your childs way of thinking in regards to you?

Answer 1

After my folks got divorced, my mother told my two younger siblings that our father wasn't there father, & told them her new boyfriend was. Because I chose to live with my father she also told them I wasn't their brother & she disowned me right in my face. It was a huge mess, but hopefully she has realized by now what she did was wrong. I haven't seen her or my siblings in almost 10 years now.

Answer 2

Some parents are just so torn about the whole divorce that they don't realize what there saying to the children is actually affecting them like it does. They are after the revenge onto the other parent rather than the child untill it is to late then the child will eventually realize what is happening. And is able to make there own decisions, and the parent realizes that it did work on offending the other parent but lost a child in the process.

I would constintaly reasure the child that you love them and nothing could change that. Children are smarter that what we give them credit for sometimes, if you keep on telling them that mean stuff is not true then they will realize the truth. If that does not seem to help then I would seak out a Dr. for you and your child to talk to together and see if this helps your child to realize what is happening and that everything is a lie.

Also if it goes to far I would seak legal advice about having the other parent facing verbal abuse towards the child because that is just plain wrong.

Answer 3

I believe sometimes ex-wives, and ex-husband, attempt to hurt the other by doing this and try sometimes to teach their children to dislike, hate, or otherwise interfere with what could be a good relationship. I know my ex-wife tries to do so to this day........The best thing anyone can do to counter this is be to be the best parent they can be. Love your children and show them by example. Do special little things every day. Don't ever talk bad about the other parent no matter what. The children will make up their minds and the "bad parent," will be judged accordingly.

Answer 4

It's a natural response when the kids seem aloof or downright hostile. The guy, rather than take the blame for his own actions, pins on the mother "oh, she must be telling them bad stuff about me".

Any intelligent mature guy will realize that any negativity the kids have for him is because he left them. Even if it was an amicable split, changes of that magnitude are hard on kids. They won't understand and they won't care to. Chances are, you'll have to work very hard to have a great relationship with your kids after a divorce.

Also, you have to bite the bullet and have a good relationship with your wife too. Any disagreements between the ex's will filter to the kids no matter what you do.

Answer 5

I am an ex wife and I don't condone that type of behavior of myself and it really frustrates me that there are women that pull this crap all the time. It really hurts the child in the end since the child is a part of both parents. When you talk bad about the the father/mother, you are talking bad about them and it tears at their self esteem. The child should be reassured that the relationship is what went wrong and they had nothing to do with it and that both parents will be nurturing them from separate homes now.

Answer 6

My ex told some of the most amazingly outlandish stories about me to my daughter when she was younger. She also sent back all of the gifts and cards that I sent her (she never sent back monthly checks though. Go figure....). I always figured if you can't say something nice then say nothing. I decided that when my daughter was old enough, she would be able to sort things out. When she turned 18, I went to visit her and took all of the things that were sent back to me. But by that time, my daughter had figured her mother out. Very sad that both parents can not be adults and do what is best for the child instead of using the child as a weapon.............

Answer 7

Not neccesarily hate, but I would say negative programming. The things they see and hear (sometimes oblivious to us) affect them greatly. Truly it's not a belief, but the hard truth that women talk bad about the childs father. Unless there is that very different and special case where Mom is kind, sweet and honest and truly loves her kids enough in recognizing to avoid life long scars. Only a mean spirited person would do that to their child regardless of whatever unhealthy relationship you've had. My son (Allen..worth mentioning) knows my doors are always open to him, and I pay close attention when he speaks. I come to silent tears when he looks for me./.needs support from me. It shows me he's not a follower of the norm and wishes to break that chain. I love him and am very proud. He's growing up to be a well rounded young man. Unfortunately his Mom tries to keep him at bay from me, but nothin' doin'. I feel this "syndrome" stems from a bad relationship that never reached an eye to eye agreement, especially for the childs well being. Unfortunately that seems to be one of the biggest problems in marriage and divorces. I've learned if you're gonna get married mean it, stick with it & deal with it. The only one's who lose are always the kids.

I'd like to think that you are not applying that syndrome.

Answer 8

I think my ex talked negatively about me in front of the kids during the first few years after divorce. I believe this is kind of teaching them to hate me. After few years it has gotten better but I think she takes every opportunity to have the kids occupied doing other things but to see their father. I think she wants me to feel bad and separated from the kids as much as she can because I was the driver for the divorce.
personal experience

Answer 9

Alot of women do that, but sometimes, children harbor resentment against their fathers (or, in some cases, both parents) because of the divorce. It just shows more on fathers because they are the ones who usually leave the house and kids see that as being abandoned, so they are sometimes angrier at the father because of that. My daughter can't stand her father and it is not because of anything I have said, I have always been fair towards him, but kids draw their own conclusions alot of times. Especially if he is not doing right or not keeping his visitation. It is just alot easier for those men to blame the mother when it is really their own actions that did them in.

Answer 10

I speak from the side of one ex wife i wouldn't teach my child to hate his dad. I want he and his father to have the closest possible relationship. I know he doesn't really like his dad's girlfriend but i can't control that either. I get along with her and like her myself but i can't tell him how to feel. I know there are women out there who try to tell their kids to hate their dad's (my mom among them) but if the child loves their father the child will grow up and learn to make the judgments for themselves. BTW i lived with my dad after my parents divorce and never turned against him no matter how hard my mom tried