the owner of the land where three people died including my daughter wants us to stop putting flowers down?

Question

the owner of the land where my daughter, her fiance and their best friends car was involved in a head on collision wants the families to stop putting floral tributes there.
We have told him to go to hell, for as long as we live and breathe we will keep putting them there at the roadside, we keep it nice, cut down the weeds and one of us tends to it every week,.
What would you say to him?

Answer 1

I think it's a disgrace the lengths that local councils are now going to to prevent friends and relatives from putting flowers at the roadside where a loved on has been killed. Aparently this is because flowers distract motorists concentration from the road, but if idiots can't concentrate enough to avoid other road users and pedestrians, the flowers argument is a load of crap.

This has now spread to cemetarys where there have been recent court cases where familys have had to battle for permission to place various objects of sentiment at graves, for example cuddly toys & solar lamps.

We do rely these days on other people acting with compassion, but then again some people are just aresholes. Just keep placing your tributes and bollocks to the landowner.

Answer 2

I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter. Why not take the flowers to her favourite place or give some sort of memorial to a place or charity that she liked? Ask the council for permission for putting a bench in a park or something.I don't think the person asking you to stop putting the flowers intended to be cruel. Maybe they don't like being reminded of what a horrible thing happened each and every day. Its great that you tend to it and keep it neat, so I really don't understand why he'd have a problem but obviously he does. Why not find a place for your tribute that is lovely instead of the last few scary and painful moments of her life. (I do not mean to be disrespectful here!) Don't create a fuss and mar the beautiful memory of your daughter. She probably wouldn't want that. Channel your grief and your hurt into something she'd be really pleased with.

Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 3

A number of councils in the UK are allowing flowers for a month, then they remove them. There are, unfortunately dangers in the placing of flowers on the roadside, they can be a distraction to other drivers, and as they are often at danger spots on the road they can possibly cause accidents. I see the reasoning behind the relatives wanting to put flowers there as a mark of respect, but feel that, once those flowers have died, then the focal point for grieving should be where they are buried, or where the ashes have been laid. In many cases flowers are laid, then forgotten, and the dead flowers sit there for months on end. If the person owns the land, then, I'm afraid, he has every right to ask you not to put them there, and if you persist he has the right to remove them, and in the worse case scenario, get a court order to stop flowers being put there. Perhaps he doesn't wish to have a constant reminder of the tragedy that happened there.

Answer 4

I can see you're going through a difficult time at the moment and I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter.
I was involved in a car accident 4 years ago that left me in a wheelchair and took the life of my youngest brother.
At first my family would lay flowers at the scene of the accident every week or so, just like you are now.
After time though we realised that a bunch of withered flowers laid by the roadside was no way to remember someone you love.
He is worth more than that and shouldn't be remembered for how or where he died but for how he lived
He now has a bench at our local skatepark dedicated to him. It may sound silly but it's a fitting reminder of him to those who knew him

Answer 5

I agree with most people in finding out what the problem is. Maybe it hurts him that someone died on his property. I know that the flowers would probably make me sad every day. Maybe you can work out a deal with him that maybe once a year they go out or once a year you can have a little service there to pay your respects. If all else fails, seek legal action and see if you are able to keep doing this and not break the law. Just talk to him first before he slaps a restraining order on you to stay away for good.

Answer 6

This is a really sad state of affairs, it must be really difficult for you and I can't see what harm you are doing. It sounds as though you are putting flowers outside of the land and on the kerbside. Is this actually his land? if so I suppose he could consider trespass but it would mean civil court proceedings and that could drag. It would hardly be worth his while and under such sad circumstances. Ask him can you purchase that small piece or remove a little so that you could all have some in a special place at home undisturbed.

Answer 7

I know you feel strongly about this, but you have to move on, why not frame a picture of your daughter, and put flowers by it in your house, then you can enjoy the flowers as well, you will not bring her back or do any good making a memorial to her on this persons property, no-one who sees it will know who the flowers are for, or who she was, its heartbreaking for you, and I know you will not "get over it" but you will learn to live with it, dont focus your grief on rebelling against the property owner, it will still be there when the fight, if any, is over, get some grief councilling, it will help you come to terms with this shattering blow.
Good luck.

Answer 8

i really feel for you, maybe its time to move on, we all hang on to something that touches us or comforts us when we grieve, unfortunately you don't have the right to continue with the flowers at the sight. my friends brother passed away in similar circumstances with his girlfriend and both parents bought love chairs for there gardens an planted the flowers there. try take a step back, i know its hard, but the land owner does not feel as you do, I'm so sorry hes an ***, but its life Hun xx

Answer 9

Sugar works better than vinegar in these situations. Appologize to him for being rude, and then ask him very politely. Appeal to his paternal side if he is a parent. If it were his daughter, would he not want to put flowers on her site? If that fails, create a spot of your choosing to place flowers in her honor somewhere else. I have a small tombstone in my yard as a tribute to my Mother who was cremated by someone other than family......not ideal, but it works! Good Luck Mom, and sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

Find out why he wants you to stop. Its possible that he may be getting upset at the idea of someone dying on his land - or that he feels he should clear up the dead flowers, in which case maybe you could deal with that for him?

Really is a case of find out what his problem is