i am 25 years old ,, and a 35 years man proposed to me ,, i am really happy and comfort with him ..
he's a great person , great charachter very caring , kind and loving generous , everything good is in him ,,but the problem that he was married before and he has 2 girls ..
my question is :
is this situation will be hard to live with in future , what are the inconvenients that may face me ??
plz informe me ?
2006-07-26 02:13:30 · 18 answers · asked by romeo4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Marry him
2006-07-26 02:17:28 · answer #1 · answered by osunumberonefan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with marrying a man that has children. I did it. Depending on the age of the children, there maybe some trouble. But, if you are determined to make it work then it will be fine. Get to know the girls, be their friend, not their Mom. No child wants their Mother replaced. But most would gladly accept a new friend and confidant. But make it known that you aren't a pushover or doormat. That could be heck to get a handle if you've already allowed that to happen.
Blended families are still families. Today's society proves that Blood isn't always thicker than water!
2006-07-26 02:23:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mary J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am about to marry someone who was married before and has one child. If you support that individual 100% even if the ex comes into the picture from time to time inregards to the children then you should have no problem as all.
We have run into some issues with the ex from going back and forth to court on every little thing that the ex finds fitting to ruin our life with. You may find yourself getting into little bitter fights over the ex, but that is part of the situation.
Just be there for your new found love and enjoy what there is to offer.
2006-07-26 02:20:38 · answer #3 · answered by fhockey1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love that man and want to be with him then marry him it dosent matter that he was married before or has kids.The situation you will encounter willl probaly be with the kids they may not want to listen to you because your not the mom type attitude or they may take to you well.I am 25 and married a 36 year old he was married before and had two children with his ex plus we have two children together ourselves.Just make the best of it and be a happy big family.
2006-07-26 02:25:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess if the girls accept you ,it will make things easier. Just don't get in a situation where the ex-wife uses the girls to make life hell for you. Some women are very vindictive, resentful, revengeful, and will spend a lifetime making life a nasty hell for anyone involved with her ex-husband. I had a bf that was married 3 times. And the 1st ex-wife and HER mama were still trying to control his life. ( the daughters were adults,too). Sometimes, you're better off by yourself.( by the way, the adult daughters played little "games" and made little remarks that Dad didn't see or hear. They were good at this. Mama taught them well...) I could do nothing right. If I gave them space to talk , I was being a snob, etc....etc....etc.... I got the "you can kiss my *** attitude!)
2006-07-26 02:25:30 · answer #5 · answered by Scorpius59 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if you are both ready for the relationship, and if you FULLY accept that his children are going to be a HUGE part of your life together, then I say you should be okay. This doesn't mean there won't be times that seem unbearable; all marriages go through that, regardless of kids.
Have you spent time with the girls? How do you interact with them?
If you are comfortable with them,and can accept that their mother could be around FREQUENTLY, then things just might be okay.
Becoming a step-parent is a HUGE task. Be ready to accept all the work that a biological parent might have, but without the title.Being a step-parent has its own great rewards.
If you love the girls, you love him, they love you, and he loves you, then you should be able to work through it.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-07-26 02:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a step mum. My partner has two kids from a previous marriage. I found the situation incredibly hard to deal with at the beginning, and it took us getting engaged for me to really start to settle. I found that being engaged to my partner has helped me cope and come to terms with my place in the family. Never ever let anyone tell you what you *have* to be, you are still your own person, and you will develop your own way of coping and your own strategies for coming to terms with your place. I personally do not see myself as a "second parent" to my partner's children. This was my own choice from the get go. I made sure that what I wanted was respected, and was fit into the family structure.
I let him do the parenting, and I am support to him (backing him up with things get tough), and friend to the children. Always remember to talk your feelings out to someone (a friend who has kids as well, a counsellor, your mum, his mum, a support service) .... Also make sure that you take time for yourself. Make sure that you connect with yourself often, even if it's putting music into earphones and drowning out all the activity around you for a while. You will need "places to escape" like this, because being a step parent is very trying.
I really hope this helps you out :)
2006-07-26 02:34:57 · answer #7 · answered by xian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are his kids? Have you met them yet? Have you met the ex-wife? Have you sat down with him and talked about your concerns?
I ask these questions because they will give you insight as to what the future will be like if you marry him. If the kids are very young, they tend to deal with change easier. Either way, if you've met them already and they've taken to you and like you, then that will be easier. Just make sure you don't get in the way of your husband the children. And never, ever say anything negative about their dad or their mom in front of them.
The ex-wife.... if you meet her, just be polite and assure her that her children will be very much respected in your home and that you will not get in the way of her and your husband when it comes to raising their kids. Also, let her know that you expect the same in return.
Now, before all of this, sit with you fiance and voice your concerns and opinions. He knows his children and his ex-wife so he can give you insight as to what to expect from them. He can also let them know that he is planning to re-marry and that he expects them to respect his choices.
Good luck, honey. God bless.
2006-07-26 02:23:29 · answer #8 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's OK! The kids need now a mom and it's your chance to be. Love only matters, marry him and be happy. And it won't, this is all what you need :a life and a family. Just be a good mom and wife.
2006-07-26 02:19:19 · answer #9 · answered by Soso 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
marrying the guy is most-definitely ok. the real question is... can i handle his children?
remember you are not the mother of his kids. most definite, there would be comparison between you and their real mother. to be honest, there is really no competition. but in the eyes of his children, there is a difference!
my advice... before marrying the guy, have a serious talk with him regarding your being with his family. you would be needing him in clearing the path between you and his kids.
and for your relationship with the kids... do not try to be a mother to them, because you are not. but rather, be a very, very good friend whom they can count on in case of need.
good luck and congratulations in advance!!! =)
2006-07-26 02:25:41 · answer #10 · answered by Ross 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok only if you love him and you feel the you can be a good step mother to the girls , you have to keep in mind the ones you marri him you also taking the girls cause they are part of his life and there for they will be part of you life together
2006-07-26 02:26:01 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋