In marriage we take vows for better or worse till death do us part .. does that only work if we both beleive in it ? I feel im in a very onesided marriage and find myself wanting a divorce for various reasons .. he dont respect me as a person and he has cheated in the past ect .. I beleive in better or worse but he dont i sacrifice alot he dont .. should i turn my back on my vows >> i mean he has so why should i try so hard to live up to them ? why should i try so hard to keep this man if he dont try in return ?
2006-07-25 19:17:11 · 14 answers · asked by tainted.luv 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow, I feel for you. That's a tough spot to be in. I don't know your religion or belief system, but here's my "opinion" anyway.
God's plan is for one woman for one man for life. I know that sucks to hear, but it's true. That's why the vows are before God. Marriage means you are now one flesh. Our feel-good culture will tell you that's old fashioned, but that doesn't make it any less true.
"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." - I Corinthians 7:10,11
So, the split-up shouldn't happen in the first place, but if it does, remember, you took a vow before God and became one flesh. In His eyes, that hasn't changed even if you split up. Hooking up with someone else is cheating on your husband.
NOW!!~ having said that - why would it put that "if" in there?
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." - Matthew 5:31,32
That was Jesus Himself talking in that one. "saving for the cause of fornication".
God's plan is perfect, but because of man's sin and foolishness, this is the ONE and ONLY exception to the rule. If he has committed fornication in your relationship, then you do not HAVE to forgive him. BUT in the next chapter:
"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matt. 6:14,15
If it is impossible to live with him anymore because of his sin of fornication, then you may have to leave him. But think of what that means - since you are still one flesh you can never be with another man again EVER until your living husband's death. "till death do us part" Otherwise you too are committing adultery and are just as bad as he is. But you must still forgive him if you want forgiveness yourself.
Harsh words and a no-nonsense approach, but I hope that using a Higher Authority than my own voice will help you.
2006-07-25 20:38:04 · answer #1 · answered by trillo333 2 · 16⤊ 5⤋
In todays society their is no sanctity of Marriage. Marriage is nothing more than a contract.
You have seemed to be living up to your end and your spouse has not. If you are unhappy you shouldn't feel obligated to stay with him because of the vows you took, they obviously mean nothing to him so why play the fool and still abide by them?
I dont know you, or your husband, but it seems like your marriage was over awhile ago and you are just going through the motions of being married. Move on with your life and find someone who will respect you and honor your relationship if thats what you want. Or stay single and enjoy the single life. I learned a long time ago there is only one person you can count on and thats yourself.
2006-07-26 02:36:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well , i know where you coming from, you love him so much & want to be whith him but on the other hand you can't stand his selfish cheating ways its a very hard decesion to make, me & my husband have been togather for 8 yrs, married five he is very selfish & has cheated on me, in fact i was 8 mothes pregnate when he did, then i found out 3yrs later. they oh so sweet & love you untill they get pissed off then they think they can go & do anything they please i can't realy give you a answer, but i do know this if its been going on for a long time its probly not going to stop when there selfish, there selfish its not going to change if you don't have children whith him yet "Don't" you will be more miserrable & even more stuck whith him & his messed up ways, youll be at home whith the baby while hes off having a good ol time whith his friends. If its realy bad maby you should call it off before you start a family. Good luck to you!!!!
2006-07-26 02:39:41 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy 24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They definitely go both ways. It would be like signing a contract to build a house and after it's built, the homeowner doesn't pay you. In marriage vows, when one person says that they will love and cherish, etc. that means the spouse can count on always feeling loved and cherished.
2006-07-26 02:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by Dave S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears your husband didn't grasp the idea of vows to love honor and obey....No where in there did it say to cheat on your wife...Get out now while you can..He is not going to change so leave him..Find someone who loves you and only you
2006-07-26 02:29:13 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be the one who tell this but you need to work harder on this relation, am not a shrenk but i know for sure there r some you can visit and give your marriege at least one more chance to be a live again, and who knows maybe ur man is waiting for you to take that step, maybe you need to part who takes action.
God bless
â¥
2006-07-26 02:26:09 · answer #6 · answered by Clark794 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At times in marriages we keep our point in from t fo other....but we forget tht the problems we r havin in our marriage may not be known to our spouse....
SO i wud suggest u to first make him sit in front of u...explain him all the problems....give him some time for explaination and inprove the situation....
but if he doesnt.....thn the best way is to part with him...and lead a saperate life...
2006-07-26 02:23:39 · answer #7 · answered by gaurav_talkies 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to, you could read what it teaches about it in the bible>>> 1st Corinthians chapter 7, verse 15
You don't have to stay married to him, if he's not a believer.
2006-07-26 02:29:30 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
life is way too short to be stuck with someone that makes us unhappy. the whole point of finding someone is that they should make your life feel better then if they werent there. theres is nothing wrong with getting a divorce in your situation. no one should have to put up with lack of respect and infidelity. you deserve better. remind yourself that
2006-07-26 02:22:10 · answer #9 · answered by marcvialli 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't turn your back on your vows. get a divorce first. divorces in most states are "no fault". you don't have to prove anything in court anymore. divorce is easy. good luck babe.
2006-07-26 02:49:30 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HIi There,
Only Two Words r Gonna work""NOT POSSIBLE"... go & get Divorce
Cheers
Samy
2006-07-26 03:02:45 · answer #11 · answered by sampalis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋