I'm 24, I have known my boyfriend for 9 years,we dated when i was 16 for 3 years then broke up but always kept in touch and did things together even when we were with other people.We started dating again about 1 1/2 yrs ago and live together.We were both just out of serious relationships when we got back together, suprisingly things went okay.I start to talk about marriage and kids and he gets all weird, not something i would be doing if i had just met him 1 1/2 yrs ago. He was engaged to his last girlfriend when she left him for her ex,for the 2nd time in their on and off 2 yr relationship. Now he keeps saying that he loves me and doesnt ever want me to leave and says he would never do anything to make me leave, but he doesnt want to get married for another 4-5 years. I have to prove to him that I love him and wouldnt leave him, i dont think he believes me.I dont want to be an old mother having children is very important to me i feel im being blamed for what happened to him last year?
2006-07-25 18:22:30 · 7 answers · asked by hotmama 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm not the one who hurt him, but its like i'm being blamed for his past relationship...I'm the one suffering and I've done nothing.I dont know if i can deal with someone who can't just be a man and deal with it like everyone else has to..?And it's his own fault I think,she left him the first time and a few months later asked her to marry him...like it was gonna keep her around or something,then she left him again,for good....it's his stupidity that put him where he is.
2006-07-25 18:26:29 · update #1
been ther done exacly what he is doing im a man whos been hurt and ill tell you, if we never really get over it but some of us man up and give ourselves a chance to love again. if he is not after 1-1/2 to him rour just a security blanket. someone who will lick his wounds for him. but face the facts he is not serious about you he just can't handle being alone. i bet he is a momas boy!
2006-07-25 18:50:05 · answer #1 · answered by proffit206 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
did he give you any reasons as to why he wants to wait 4-5 years? truthfully, i think he is still aching about what he's been through emotionally with previous relationships and i think he's just giving himself an ample time to heal. if you say this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, then what difference does it make if you get married tomorrow or in 5 years? i understand the the urgency to have kids before the age of 30. i am 26 and five years ago, i swore to myself that i'd have my first child by now. unfortuantely, circumstances did not permit that, and i was not going to force a situation just to meet a deadline that i conjured up years back.
if you haven't already, have a heart to heart with him and let him know what you would like in the near future. he for whatever reason he can't give that to you then you may need to fulfill your goals with someone else otherwise you may risk that chance of developing resentment towards him for having you "wait" which will definitely affect you relationship in the future.
good luck!
2006-07-25 18:35:37 · answer #2 · answered by lafftah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then don't live with him. Right now, you're giving him all the benefits of marriage without the commitment.
That doesn't mean you can't keep seeing each other. But if you really want to get married now, your best bet is to show him life without you around all the time. You may want to consider other "married" activities that he is enjoying for being put on the back burner as well.
2006-07-25 18:28:46 · answer #3 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
....
There's more here than what we get to see.
You dated for 3 years...from 16 to 19...
...this is a time for identity development, individuality, experimentation...
I mean a lot of growth is accomplished in this time frame...and you accomplished this growth with the same fella.
Now...you've been together again....reunited as a couple...never really having any separation...a good friendship base is built
a trust base - I will add.
You're playing house..."everything" is going relatively well...
and he puts on the breaks
he wants to "wait" until you are 28 or 29 before getting married...
you think this is too old to have kids - that you'll be an "old mother"...and you think you're being blamed for the past relationship.
we all bring past experiences forward...it's completely natural ...
this is how we "learn by our mistakes" ... this is how we "graduate the school of hard knocks".
You're 24..and "having children" is important to you.
What I hear you saying is...you're ready to have a baby...
and you're going to stomp your feet if you don't get one right now.
I hear him saying...he's got time...wants to take the time...he knows "I will always love you" in relationships doesn't mean a whole lot ... and before he makes this HUGE religious leap of faith and gets bound to the same woman...
sex - forever - with the same woman...
til death do you part...
he wants to enjoy not being bound but having this escape route.
I would say ... with what little I know of the two of you...
you're not being punished or blamed...you've been blessed.
You have a guy that just commited for 4 to 5 years.
And guys forget transgressions...easy...if you'll forget them.
we do that...
In fact...if you don't dig in...and you hold on loosely...
he'll propose before 4 years...
he wants to do it right...he wants it to be special...significant...
he's learned from his mistakes....he has the right girl...he wants something you'll both cherish.
hang in there....he's future oriented with you...
2006-07-25 19:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by Warrior 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hit the nail on the head when you say your paying for his past relationship. This guy was hurt badly, now he thinks that it could happen again...If you truely want this guy, back off the marriage ideal for a little while more, not to long, but give him some time, hopefully he will come around...
2006-07-25 18:43:07 · answer #5 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright girl,you are right,but this doesn't take a genious to figure it out.Your right,he is blaming it on you.But when he tells you that He loves you and that he will never leave you it's true,he does love you but he doesn't wan't to get married because he thinks that your going to do the same thing,and dump him like his old girlfriend did.You too gotta understand what he's going thru,and it doesn't even matter if his ex-dumpped him like a year,or two years ago,he isn't still overit,he is afraid that you might dump him too.Tell him that you wan't to marry him and that you won't dump him like the other girl did,but also tell him that he is the man of your dreams and that you don't wan't to wait too much,but tell him that you also respect the fact that he is afraid,and that you are going to wait 4 him because you love him,but also tell him that he is blaming you for his past history with girls,and don't move on because I don't think that you imagine life with out him.You know that he loves you but he isn't sure yet.Be understandable and talk to him.I know that you don't wan't to be an old lady with babies but if you really wan't to get married and have kids,then tell him.But your already married with him by love,it doesn't take a ring,a dress or a father to tell y'all that your inlove.It takes your heart to tell you that he's the one.Talk to him and tell him what I wrote,he might change his mind,or do the girl thing and you ask him for marrige,on a romantic night.Hey I don't get it,if you love him so much why don't you wait.He might change his mind if you talk to him,then he's gonna ask his friends,then he might pop the question.Tell him you love him every day and remind him why you choose him,and why he makes your life wonderful,hey i'm 13 years old I know how to understand adults.Just e-mail me for anything elese at latina_houston_chic07@yahoo.com alright Take care!!!
Alwayz yo gurl,
Kimberly :) :) :) :)
2006-07-25 19:03:07 · answer #6 · answered by Kimberly G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't over his ex --- try to move on and find someone who is stable, available and wants to marry and have a family - sometime in the near future--
2006-07-25 18:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋