Is it typical for a marriage of four years to fall into a rut?

Question

I am married to a beautiful lady. We have two daughters 4 and 2. For the last couple of weeks I have to ask for her to kiss me. Going to the store, going to bed at night basically anytime a wife should want to kiss her husband. She runs a daycare out of our home all day , then when I get home it is like she expects me to take over for all the kids so she can get on the computer. Most of the time she is doing homework for her masters in counseling. Aboput 1/3 of the time she is looking up trivial information. Anytime I ask her about why she doesn't seem to want to make anytime for me she gets mad and turns it around om me. She makes it seem like am insensitive that she doesn't get time for herself. All I want is a little affection to make me feel like she still loves me. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Anyone with honest info I need some suggetions.

Answer 1

Aww hun, you just need a little guidance.

Good husbanding 101. Welcome, I'm your teacher PseudoQuasiX!

I don't think you're wrong in feeling the way you feel. But there are better ways to express yourself. You're not self-centered as amourous stated. It's not that at all. You're just a little confused, and after only 4 years of marriage, that is to be expected.

Your wife is truly bogged down. Running a daycare, raising your children, working on her masters and trying to love a husband. She's a super-woman. As someone in school currently, I can tell you it's no joke.

My advice: Ease up a little on your wife. When you come home, just start helping out, as Eeyore stated. Don't wait to be asked. And when you do, you just act like you're the happiest man in the world. Offer her a massage every once in a while. Cook dinner. I know you work hard, but if you can sacrifice a little right now, you'll get a big return on your investment down the line. Because when she finishes school and does have more time, she'll look back and see the most supportive husband and trust me, she'll want to be there for you and return all the love and support you've shown her. You're not in a rut, just going through a little storm right now. But it's always another side to your storm. Keeping loving and understanding your wife while she's trying to keep it together, she needs you to be her strength. Trust me, it'll come back to you.

Best Wishes!

Answer 2

I think all marriages fall into ruts. I think of it as constant ups and downs, sometimes you are really into each other, sometimes you coast for a while. We have been married for 15-1/2 years so we have some experience with this. It sounds like she has A LOT on her plate (you didn't mention what your day is like before you get home) She is probably really stressed. I would just sit down with her when you can have some quiet and private time and just talk to her, tell her what you see happening and how you would like things to be, and see if she sees it the same way, hopefully you can talk things out calmly without anybody getting upset. As someone who is studying to be a counselor, she should be able to allow to you express yourself calmly without blowing up at you as long as you can do that for her. We were married for 5 years before we really learned how to communicate, but you have to find a way. Maybe you guys can work out a trade of sorts where you help some with the kids and she agrees to a set period of time that is just for the two of you each day to unwind and reconnect. If you can find a way to both get what you want, it is great. hope this helps.

Answer 3

I am a firm believer in the idea of "a feeling is never wrong no matter what it may be." I have to say, I believe most relationships get in a rut after a few years. I love my job so for me work is actually an escape, in a sense. I know I could not stay at home all day with a bunch of kids. Much less be nice to the ppl around me then...... Thats just me thou.

Answer 4

A daycare, kids, masters and a self centered husband? Wow, she has her work cut out for her doesnt she? Try to give her some time to herself. Sometimes women need to feel good about themselves to feel attractive and want affection. Send her to a spa or out with her girlfriends to pick out a new outfit or something. Women need to feel taken care of, confident, vulnerable, strong and desirable all at once. I know it sounds crazy, but trust me. Let her know that you appreciate all that she does and that she is AMAZING for all that she does. When things calm down, the intamacy will return. (As long as you are understanding now.) If money is tight, try taking the kids for the day and let her do whatever she wants. Then when she comes home, have a nice dinner for her and give her a massage. Guaranteed to melt her heart. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Just ignore her completely

try talking more with your mom/friends .... and pretend like you are emotionally more satisfied with those other people. just leave her alone for sometime...but dont make it evident though or she might learn u r doing it just for the sake of pretending...

Give her a subtle idea that ur relationship might fall apart is she continues keeping distance

myself n my husand...we r busy as hell..but we always find atleast 15-30 mins of cuddle n affection time in bed ...every single day. We have made that a habbit over a period of time...
this is very important cos it calms your nerves and you feel more focusses after that...let her know how important it is for couples to have couple time together

If not just wait till she finishes her masters n is eased up a bit..prolly she might feel like being close to u again....

ALL THE BEST...dont worry it happens. It just needs some work...

Answer 6

Sounds like an early 7 year itch, just do whatever you can to ease things on her. Try talking to her an tell her that you have been noticing a wedge between you. You guys have probably just fallin into a routine, try to figure out how to break it. Even the smallest changes here and there can mean a world of differance.

Answer 7

Your wife sounds like a very busy lady. Think about it she is around children all day and then when you get home that is the only time she can have to herself to get her homework done and here you are asking for affection. this is what you may need to consider, you giving her the attention instead of expecting it out of her. Its kinda sounds like your being selfish like its all about you. You need to make it all about her one day make a date night and get babysitters and just get out of the house and have a evening out. She is probabley stressed out and being around children all day can drive a woman mad.

Answer 8

Yes, according to the divorce statistics, this is perfectly normal behavior. Not acceptable, but totally normal. Get her the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". But it sounds too late for her. She sounds too self-absorbed to want to change. Good Luck, Mr. Divorce Statistic

Answer 9

Best of luck dude. My wife and i will soon be celebrating our 19th anniversary and shes not into showing affection. Either you deal with it or you move on...Youre not wrong with your feelings...shes maxed.
Hopefully a convo will do it, but i doubt it...never has for me. Hopefully you can come to terms with it but its the way things are for her...could change if shed change jobs but i doubt it.
Hope all works out :)

Answer 10

When you come home, help out without being asked!!! Just do it!! After everything is done have a bath ready for her with candles and leave her alone for a bit and then go in to see if she would like something to drink and wash her back, feet etc. Make her feel like a Queen and you won't regret it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!