what should i do about my husbands drinking habit?

Question

everytime my husband drinks he gets really hateful, it's either his way or no way, he acts really immature and he calls me god awful names. i'm always having to take care of him when he gets too drunk. i'm scared to say anything to him or even take up for myself while he's drinking because he gets really defensive and really violent. the next day when he is sober he's always apologizing and saids that he will never drink again but he always ends up doing it again, what should i do?

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you. When I was growing up, my mom was an alcoholic. I watched her abuse my dad physically, mentally and emotionally. She never laid a hand on us, but she certainly wrecked our family.

It's hard to answer this question because I know that an alcoholic will only change when he or she wants to. You can beg and plead until you're blue in the face and it won't do any good. My father did this for eight years until he finally took us kids and left. It was within the following days that she drank herself to the point of alcohol poisoning and shot a window out of dining room with a rifle. She was admitted to a rehab program shortly after. She was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and put on prozac. It helped a lot, but only she could get herself to that point: she hit rock bottom and she knew it.

I'm not going to tell you to leave your husband, but please acknowledge that he has a problem that you will *never* be able to change... only he can. My advice to you is to find a therapist or counselor for yourself that specialize in substance abuse. You can also try an al-anon meeting, but they focus quite a bit on religion and may not be useful to you. Stay out of his way when he's drinking... don't fight with him because he'll keep going and going until he wins. If he lays a finger on you, leave the house. Don't be in that situation.

There are also plenty of books on alcoholism and how to deal with it in the self-help section of the major book stores, but my best advice is to seek professional guidance... and as much as you love him, don't be afraid to leave FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

Good luck. I wish you well.

Answer 2

Nobody need to put up with an abusive drunk. Tell him to go to rehab an AA or he will be taking care of himself then go to a women's shelter. If he doesn't want his family more than the booze you are fighting a losing battle. Only talk to him when he is sober. Your local drug and alcohol programs might be able to give you some advice on how to conduct an "intervention" where family and friends get together and confront him about the problem.

Answer 3

A local trip to the AA would help. I can assume from your post that he is not the sensitive tell all type and trying to talk to him about it would probably only send him to drinking more. You don't deserve to have to be a slave to him while he is drunk and his violent behaviour could only take a turn for the worse later on down the road. You can't help him though if he won't seek help first. He has to take the first step, then you can help him from there.

Answer 4

Leave, tell him to call you when he has quit drinking. Honestly anything else is a waste of time and is quite dangerous. I wouldn't put up with it, you are fighting a losing battle and if he prefers alcohol to you then let him have it but you deserve better and should go find it. and take care of his drunk a$$...bullcrap! that wouldn't happen. let him clean up his own messes and that will teach him. he has no motivation to quit now, you get mad at him but you are still there and you are still putting up with it and you are still taking care of him. until that changes he will never have any motivation to clean up his act. he knows full well that he will treat you badly but he CHOOSES to continue drinking anyway, that means that being a drunken moron has more value to him than you do, are you willing to settle for that? if he had said hey i'm going to do this but will you marry me anyway would you have? No of course not so there is no reason to put up with it now. Let him drown his sorry butt in booze while you go find a man with a little respect for you and himself. If this seems to drastic to you at least give him a wake up call by not being there when he gets home next time he goes drinking, get yourself a motel room or stay at a friends house. go home late the next day and continue on with your life. tell him beforehand that this is what will happen next time he goes out because you will not live in fear in your own home because he chooses to be a drunk. maybe realizing you meant it will straighten him up, it probably won't be enough but you could try that first.

Answer 5

You married an alcoholic - no longer a improving one, however an actively consuming alcoholic. The handiest means he's going to understand that you're severe is to get him out of the residence. Get the youngsters within the vehicle, and go away him a observe announcing: "Honey, you're an alcoholic. Whether or no longer you admit it does no longer subject. You have a main issue, and I am no longer hanging our kids via a early life below the equal roof as a drinker to any extent further. This is had been we stand: You are making A CHOICE to be hurtful to me. In doing that, you additionally harm our household. Now, for the reason that of YOUR CHOICE, I am making MY CHOICE, for me and for our kids. When I get dwelling, I desire you long past. NO fights, no pleading. Get a few aid, or get a attorney." You HAVE TO do that, or he's going to under no circumstances give up. You have got to positioned it in HIS HANDS and make him see that it is HIS IDEA that you simply go away. He can both get aid, or lose you. Plain and functional. Black and white. You have got to be the robust one in your children, hon. If you do not get up for them they are going to under no circumstances be trained to appreciate ladies whilst they grow older, and they are going to develop up pondering that there's no end result for terrible habits. THEY are watching TO YOU, hon. If you cannot convey your self to kick him out, then take the youngsters and move, and go away him the observe announcing that you are leaving till he will get aid. His leaving might be the greater situation for the reason that you want the residence for the youngsters, while he can uncover a situation to stick less complicated than you'll. Hopefully, he's going to go away with out an excessive amount of of an issue for the reason that of the youngsters. You have got to preserve them round you, no longer just for security for them (so he does not move after THEM), however for security for YOU (confidently he may not move once you whilst the youngsters are reward.) DO NOT return below the equal roof as him till he has been blank and sober for a minimum of 6 months. There isn't any effortless repair for this, sweetie. If you rather imply what you mentioned, you then have got to do that. Best of good fortune, and Godspeed

Answer 6

You need to just keep him away from the hooch. If he wont stay away or curb it some or his way with it then its the booze or you. Hopefully he doesnt drink that often. Best of luck...if it gets too bad over time then give him an ultimatum, you or alcohol.

Answer 7

Leave him in order to have a normal, happy life. If you don't leave you will be doing the same thing everyday for the rest of your life. He is an alcoholic and he can't change unless you can get him to join Alcoholics Anonymous.

Answer 8

speaking from experience. After my husband had been to rehab unsuccessfully twice, i went to go for a divorce. we had 2 kids at the time. we seperated, he got even worse. he broke my car windows, would ring my door bell at all hours of the night, tried to get a restraining order, they wouldn't let me. he finally landed himself in jail for 1 month. it was the best month of both of our lives. he became sober and 7 years later, and 4 kids, we are very happy. it takes a lot of patience and support. good luck

Answer 9

from personal experience check out for depression or even bi polar been there done that i am on anti depressants but i still drink maybe i shouldnt but a man needs a vice especially a married man and little simple joke ' i dont have a drinking problem , my wife has ME'

Answer 10

He's an alcoholic. My heart goes out to you. Go to an Al Anon meeting. They can help you. He needs AA but AA is for people who WANT it not need it. Good luck and God Bless.