how often should a married couple have sex?

Question

I have been married almost ten years, and my sex life has gone from GREAT! to Horrible, I used to have sex almost every day when I first met my wife, then it dropped down to once or twice a week, now I am lucky if I can have sex once a Month! Please don’t tell me I need to wine and Dine her, or be more responsive to her needs. I am a touchy feely kind of guy, I give back rubs and foot massages, hugs and I love yous are a every day thing. On Valentines Day I did the roses, the big dinner out, I did the chocolates, hell I got a hair cut and dressed up in my finest,,,, my reward for all this was no sex for three Months,, that’s three Months NO SEX! do you even know how crazy that makes a guy when he is sleeping with a woman!! I have tried almost everything. So my question is, is it normal to only have sex once a Month in a marriage? am I asking to much to have sex once a week?

Answer 1

No you are not asking too much. Your wife needs to be honest with you and tell you what's wrong. Perhaps...the dreaded therapy! Is it possible that your wife is going through the change of life? There could be a number of reasons however, she needs to give you some input!

Answer 2

It's time you and wifey sat down for a long heart to heart talk....is there something that she resents about you...maybe you aren't much help around the house, with the kids, only pay attention to her when you want sex?

Perhaps after 10 years of marriage and a couple kids she's just too damn tired after working all day and then coming home to another full time job pickin' up after you and the kids and cooking and cleaning and laundry??? Maybe if you pitched in and helped with half of the chores she wouldn't be so tired and she'd feel more like having intercourse.

If you are truly being a "partner" in the marriage 100% and doing all of these things and still not getting any...

Perhaps she's gained some weight since having children and doesn't "feel" sexy anymore and it's wearing down her self-esteem? If you can sit and talk honestly and openly with each other and if THIS is an issue perhaps you can offer to put the kids to bed at least ONE night a week so she can join a kick boxing class or aqua fit class or even pay for a babysitter or get a neighbor's kid to come over for an hour 3 nights a week so the two of you can go for a walk TOGETHER......exercise and talk and rebuild your relationship so you both feel more connected to each other.

Answer 3

Actually, tes, it's normal...
Could be any of a million reasons why, but it happens to the majority of married couples....
Your age can effect this (or hers)... has she gained any weight recently (self conscious)... do you have children... if you do, or don't, does she want more? Has the possibility of more been eliminated? THere are a hundered more questions I can think of... just take some time and really think abou it... put yourself in her place and think of it as she might be...
Then, the most important thing... TALK TO HER... This is obviously frustrating you at SOME level.. She's your wife! You can talk about ANYTHING... she's the ONLY person in the world you SHOULD be able to talk to about anything... so... Make those reservations at your favorite restaurant (one that has "memories") and after a drink or two, bring it up... what do you have to loes? No sex for a while... you'll get over it!
Good Luck!
P.S. I totally understand where you're coming from...

Answer 4

1. Check out yourself, are you still desirable, are you fatter, take less care of your self. If there is a yes answer here, fix it.

2. Don't concentrate on sex, that will only make it worse. Treat her right and be loving and affectionate and things will hopefully happen.

3. Talk to her. I know this is a hard one for guys but tell her how you feel. Women are big on talking. Perhaps she will tell you why she has lost her desire.

4. If none of this works, you really need to seek professional counseling. (not on Yahoo.)

I know in my marriage at one time we had a lot of stress. There were bills, a move, a new job, a new school for my son, new Friends and a whole lot of stress like missing family and old friends. I sought security in my wife. Here mind was depressed with the new surroundings and tired from the new job and taking care of the kid and setting up the new house.

What I'm trying to say is that less sex may not be a mental thing, she may be too tired or too physically stressed to participate. You can only find out by talking.

TX Guy

Answer 5

well, I for one have been with my husband for 13 years and we still have sex 4-6 times a week minimum...but too, we both always make a conscience effort to keep that going. Sure there are times that the routines of life take over and sex is pushed to the back burner, but usually when that has happened when do have the sex it is so outrageously explosive (IF you know what I mean) that we start acting like 18 year olds again, doing as often as possible. But too, I don't think we've ever let more then 2 weeks go without having it, unless doctor ordered of course. (We do have 4 kids lol)

Anyway, no I don't think its too much to ask for, I am a big advocate for women giving their husbands sex when they want it, I mean, its brutal, but hey, it IS one of the reasons men marry, to stop the chase. Plus, I'm also a firm believer that if you can be a freak in the sheets your hub will not go looking for it across the street or down the block or what have you. Anyway..

I propose for you to buy your wife some erotica. Romance novels, that are written beautifully, but also include extremely detailed sex/love making scenes. Sounds to me like your wife just needs to be reminded that she is a woman and God did create her to experience passion and you're just the man to give it to her.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

You are most unfortunate. For some reason your wife has lost interest or otherwise being unresponsive. Is it normal...maybe so, but that does not make it satisfying for you. Something is wrong here. After such an effort on your part on Valentines Day, she could have at least responded that night. You need to have a serious talk with her and get to the bottom of what is wrong.
I have experienced your situation and share your pain. I too was very amorous but to no avail. We eventually divorced but indirectly because of the lack of sex. It eventually became evident that having sex once or twice at a three month pace was perfectly fine with her. How I felt was just not that important. I am very happy now with my second wife and have a very good relationship with my three sons from my first wife.

I am not advocating divorcing your wife, I just thought I'd share that with you. You do need to find out what you're up against though...life is very short and you owe yourself that much.

Answer 7

Sounds like you don't under stand women and the problems they go though..Women are a powder keg of emotions men don't even dream of. LIke a souped up car they can go from zero to 120 miles an hour flat in feelings and not even know why themselfs.\
Talk with her and find out is your best solution. Ask her if it's you or her. Be honest. and be prepaired to find out that she may have never had as much feeling for you as you thought or they have changed. Women world wide are now seeking company out side of marriage for no reason other than sex or company and this used to be nearly an all male thing; No more.
She may just not need a souped up hubby any longer and is satified(which this sounds like) with sex accasionlly. Remember she had the kids medically not you having children brings changes in women that most men just don't know about or understand.

Answer 8

I see an attitude problem here, and think you both need marriage counseling. For your part, you seem to see sex as a goal in and of itself, and as something that you deserve as a reward for good behavior. Your attitude is focused on YOU, and your need for sex, and all the things you're doing to win favor with your wife are really just attempts to manipulate her and get what you want. I think it shows a lot of character on her part that she's not buying it. On the other hand, and happy, healthy adult woman's libido should be up for it at least once a week, assuming no underlying relationship problem, so there's something there as well. She could be exhausted from all the demands on her (do you fold laundry, load the dishwasher and change diapers as well as giving back rubs? if not, the back rubs could be interpreted as a demand for sex, and leave her cold and feeling used. Do you criticize her, or complain about how she does things, or (heaven forbid) how she looks? A nagging, critical spirit pours water on any embers of romance that might be lurking between the two of you. You may want to google "verbal abuse" or "emotional abuse" and see if there is anything that you are doing that might fit, and talk to a counselor about how to change. If your wife is struggling with other areas of her life, she could have a medical problem (poor thyroid function, depression, hormonal imbalance) that would effect her libido, so if your emotional relationship is good otherwise, you may wish to lovingly suggest that she discuss this possibility with her doctor.
Your wife is a whole person, not a sex toy, and marital relations are suposed to be a mutual act of self-giving, not just an orgasm-seeking romp. For a woman, what's happening in the kitchen and laundry room has a major impact on what happens in the bedroom, so try changing your approach and see what happens.

Answer 9

I was in your boat once. My ex wife and I stopped having sex when we got married. It was fantastic when we were dating. I tried all the tricks. I cannot give you much hope; I tried for a while to but I had to admit I made a mistake and leave.

The wife I have now is on the other end of the scale 2x per day more on the weekends. I have a better sex life then most rock stars. We have been together for almost eight years and it really does just keep getting better. So there is hope.

Answer 10

I tend to think that your wife libido was affected after child birth. I think you two needs to communicate and tell her how this is affecting you. For me there is no a limited number of how often a couple should have sex. As long as both partners are willing they can have it whenever and whatever time they feel it. Maybe your wife thinks that she aint attractive anymore. You need to need to encourage her, make her feel sexy, like she is the only woman in the world by showing her. You not just say it, and it should look like you are acting out of her own concern,not your personal interest. Get sex therapy is it will help. 3 months are you are married. Damn, you need to improve this situation and fast.

Answer 11

Once a week for sex after ten years of marraige. Nice pipe dream pal. I went six freaking months one time. Yeah, it seems we got ourselves into a rut big time. I don't think it will ever get better. I have asked her to even get some medication, but she just doesn't give a care about the matter. I have resolved that it will never get worse, and that once every month or two or three is going to be the norm, and get on with my life. Concentrate my energies on other things. Take care buddy, you are not alone.