Married with a crush ... what should I do?

Question

I have been married for a couple of years... and now my husbands little brother is all grown up and I've gotten a huge crush on him! I find myself comparing my husband against him. Normally I would put the guy out of my mind, but this one I can't avoid at family functions! Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice?

Answer 1

get over it real quick

Answer 2

You said it yourself - you called it a "crush." Crushes are fleeting, passing things. Crushes end when one day you realize, "What was I thinking?"

Try realistically carrying out your "fantasy" in your head. Imagine all the heartbreak. Imagine guilt, remorse, regret. Imagine the anger of your in-laws at the betrayal. Imagine your brother in law downright rejecting you because he loves his brother, but then still telling the entire family that you made a pass on him. Imagine a bitter divorce. Are you cooled off yet?

You owe it to yourself, your husband, and your family to let this crush pass without acting on it. Stop sabotaging your husband in your head as well. He deserves that much, and he deserves to have you talk about any problems that you have with him, to him. How would you like it if your husband compared you to a hot sister or friend? It wouldn't be fair to you would it? You would want him to love you for who you are inside and out. No one should compare to you in his eyes, and he deserves the same from you. No one is perfect, nor can they stand up to constant comparison to something "better." Besides, your brother in law might not be the fantasy you think he is behind closed doors. That is why fantasies are fun. There is no ugly reality.

Please don't do something that will hurt others and you will regret. It will pass. Let it. Peace.

Answer 3

Everyone gets crushes whether they are married or not. The problem arises when married people act on their crush. They have made vows to God to stay true to their spouse. When adultery is committed, it turns out not to be worth it, and in the long run, may even ruin the marriage. It's like killing 2 birds with 1 stone. In this case, that's not good. Just think of your brother-in-law as your own brother (I hope you have one of your own), and hopefully that'll turn you off. Good luck. You wouldn't want your husband cheating on you with your sister (I hope you have one of those so you get the idea). Just picture yourself in your husband's place.
Oh, and, my husband knows that I think his brother is hot, but nothing would ever happen!

Answer 4

OOOOOH, you are going down a slippery slope. There is probably more wrong that what you see on the surface, and your brother in law is just bringing it to the surface. Probably counseling would help, but they all say that, don't they? But most likely a sit down with yourself, take inventory, decide what's right with the marriage, what's wrong with the marriage, and so on. If you cloud the issues with your feelings with your brother in law, you might do something you regret and really mess things up. You need to decide what your future with your husband is, FIRST, and then move on. Good Luck

Answer 5

Maybe its something about you brother in law that reminds you of your husband. Hopefully it will all go away. Don't mess up a marriage over some crush over his little brother.
Just spice up your marriage so you wouldn't have to be thinking of no one else. If you husband had these thoughts you wouldn't be a happy woman, so don't mess up a good thing over nothing.

Answer 6

i know this feel, I'm a man,, my wife has a little sister,the time im married here she was 12 years, she grow up in our home, now she is 18 years,, i start to look at here,, then i found my self comparing here to my wife ? what a (s h i t) of feel !!!! i cant avoid her at family functions,,, so what shall we do???
1- ignore him 2- don't look to him direct 3- don't make a joke
4- try to find a negative points from him
5- say to your self can i do a sex with him ?? the answer do you like to crush your life //
6-we are human i know that my wife some times she look to handsum guys ,,,
its normal as long you can control it

Answer 7

I've been close to that situation. I was living with a guy for 5 years. He was a very abusive man. He had a brother living out of state. His brother was coming into the airport. I had never met this one. HE WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!
Everytime I would get beat up, his brother was always there to help me through it.
Anyway to make a long story short, I am married to the brother.

Answer 8

Well not to me. My ex didn't have any living brothers. His sister looked like Olive Oyl. Just keep calm about this. It is normal and you know you are alive with such feelings. Acting on them is another thing. Maybe you and hubby have fell into some mediocrity in your marriage. You've become comfortable with one another. You may need some spicing up or just something new and different to throw a jolt for you both.

Answer 9

Yes, this happens to many people even if they never want to admit it. However, just because you feel somthing doesn't mean you should act upon it. Especially as this is your husband's brother, his little brother.

I don't know you. But as another woman who has lived a bit, I can assure you nothing good will come of your acting upon this physical attraction. You said you have had attractions before so you know that if you don't act upon them they eventually fade until you sometimes wonder what it was you ever saw in that person. You are very much aware of this fact of life. You are ahead of the game with this knowlege, sadly to many do not know this and take action which has a huge detrimental affect on their own lives and on the lives of many others.

I am glad you wrote your feelings down here. It is a way of getting them out of your mind. When we bottle up our emotions, our thoughts, they can take on a life of their own with dissasterous results. Sometimes just saying the awful words outloud, or to another person, or people, even those you do not know, is a way of controling what might get out of control otherwise. Bottled up emotions creates an intesity of feelings and results in confused thoughts which can result in turn in actions much regretted. However, once action is taken, it can never be untook.

I do not need to tell you the damage you would inflict upon your husband, his (and your) family, any childen if you have them, and yourself, along with the brother. You are grown enough and old enough to understand the full ramifications of taking action on this particular "crush".

I strongly suggest you find somebody, anybody who you can trust to keep this quiet and talk it out. Once it is out in the open, with somebody sharing in it, it will lose some of its power over you. I suggest a counseler as s/he would have to keep it within the realm of confidentality. I do not know if you have the ability to attend a meeting without somebody finding out. Perhaps it would be best if you just told your husband you had some issues to deal with and were wishing to speak to a counseler. Tell him it has nothing to do with him, only something you need to work on for yourself. You know your situation and what you can do and what you can't. But, don't keep this bottled up. Talk it out. Be very careful though, as some you trust may some day wish to hurt you in a fit of anger and use this against you.

I think you can dea with this in a mature and adult manner without hurting yourself or others. You know your husband loves you. If you are not getting emotional needs met then talk with your husband about that. It is in times of stress or while in conflict we are our weakest. Find a way to be strong within yourself and you will be fine.

Good luck and thank you for talking this out here. I wish you the very best and all the happiness life can bring. Blessed Be.

Answer 10

Hopefully, you're in love with your husband. His brother is just an infatuation.
Worst case scenario, you decide that your husband isn't right for you. You can divorce him, but you still can't start going out with his brother. It's just not right, and the brother probably wouldn't be comfortable going out with his brother's ex.
Let it go.

Answer 11

Have your fantasies, but keep them as that. You may be just a little bored with your husband, trying spicing things up with him. Honestly do you think you could leave your husband and have a long lasting loving relationship with his brother?