another poem dudes! tell me what do u think?
i see her standing on the edge
with her arms open in the air
she looks down and sees her pain going away
she looks back at her boyfriend smiling at him
she steps forward and thinks of the past
how life didnt make her last
she thought of the blood and scars in her arm
she thought of the horror and fear in the future
she doesnt want love to hunt her down
all she wants is 2 never be found
love tortures her so deep
all she wants is to kill this bittch
who hurts people for her own fling
shes been dominated by fear
she jumps and looks up
how the skies start 2 rain
saying goodbye to the one who never thought would be great
she screams thinking it was 2 late
maybe if she had a friend
she wouldv make things better
for everyone and her fate
2006-07-25 17:32:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
mabe u souldn't say "boyfriend" just say him and keep them wondering
2006-07-25 17:35:41 · answer #1 · answered by arielaungst 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have talent but you should learn to edit whatever you want others to read and stay away shortcuts like '2' late or '2' this or that.
And you don't have to rhyme for the sake of rhyming. Sometimes when you use a word you don't really want to use, when you use it just because it rhymes, then you're limiting your emotions.
Anyway, nice conveyance of your emotions here. Nice imaginary.
2006-07-26 00:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by Doc Watson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow That is amazing if you shorten it it would be ALOT better because most people these days have the attirion spand of a monkey
2006-07-26 00:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by beccagoboom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG. dude you could turn that into a song! a not so happy one but that was talented no matter how happy or unhappy it was. that was talent.
2006-07-26 00:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by I Luv Joel Madden!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is very dark and disturbing, but very well written and I liked the free form and it went where it meant to go.
2006-07-26 00:40:18 · answer #5 · answered by Kiss my Putt! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U should put it on poems-and-quotes.com theres a lot more poems sort of like that there too.
2006-07-26 00:43:36 · answer #6 · answered by Ran Aleman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU HAVE A TALENT BUT NOW IS THE TIME FOR YOU TO GO TO SLEEP
2006-07-26 00:37:34 · answer #7 · answered by likeitis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good but sad.
2006-07-26 00:37:03 · answer #8 · answered by cyndi_035 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice
2006-07-26 00:35:51 · answer #9 · answered by JJ black 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sucky
2006-07-26 00:38:00 · answer #10 · answered by psychmaid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋