what do u think about this poem?

Question

i see this angel crying in my bed
i see her staring at my head
i look at the window and see a dark shadow
i see a shadow with a knife
how come she doesnt like her life
i see her bleeding from her eyes
shes tired of all the fuking lies
the moon seems closer and closer
and the shadow screams louder and louder
how can imake her pain stop
how can i make her eyes shut
i i want her to fall asleep
but she doesnt wanna dream
shes scared of the night
all she wants is to fly
to jump and never land
i beggin to feel afraid
i cry and wake up
with blood in my eyes

its not supposed 2 be emo

and yes i did write in 2 seconds.....

Answer 1

No offense, but I think it's pretty poorly structured. The syllables form no pattern, half of the time it rhymes and half of the time it doesn't. It sounds like it was slapped together in two minutes.

jasenlee: You are a flaming idiot, narrow-minded ********. Some poetry is lazy and pretentious, sure. But good poetry takes effort, talent, and is self expression in a way a normal written piece would fail utterly to capture. I know this personally, as I am capable of creating both. Ever think there was something to you not being able to understand it?

Answer 2

Interesting use of parallelisms between angels and shadows, dreams and reality. I can only imagine that the emotional stream of consciousness form is reflective of a personal experience. A good poet know to walk the line between truth and sentimentality. Mull over that for a bit and write another poem for me to read; I am very interested. By the way, don't listen to anyone who says things like grammar checks and spelling are a must. Poetry can utilize any number of techniques including misspelling a word on purpose. Just remember that every word, letter, punctuation, spacing, etc. needs to be placed with exact care.

Answer 3

It was a great attempt, but I felt that the poem could have benefited from a more advanced vocabulary. It flowed smoothly which was nice, maybe some punctuation, capitalization & stanzas would help. Have you considered joining http://www.poets.com/ I'm a member - it's free to join, but if you want the extras, it's super cheap - only $15 every 3 months, and you're guaranteed reviews on your poetry.

Answer 4

The spelling and grammer aren't good, but the poem is alright. A little too dark/emo for my taste. Also, I think some of the most moving poetry doesn't rhyme. To me, the rhyming just makes it sort of cutsy, tacky, or juvenile sounding.

You've got potential though.

Answer 5

Poetry is for lazy writers who don't bother (or are simply unable) to take the time to express themselves in a fashion which others can understand.

To call it an art is an insult, to call it pretentious is the truth.

The poem is awful.

Answer 6

Try writing a poem without rhyme, and try to keep a steady pattern in the amount of syllables you use. Keep writing and you will improve.

Answer 7

It's kind of depressing, there's not really a lot of good imagery that sticks out in my mind... I get the feeling that someone is deeply scarred and needs comfort... I'll pray for them...

Answer 8

I like it. It has much depth and sadness. It has a hidden meaning which is the spirit of the poem... keep writing. I have for years but have been negligent lately due to lack of heart......good luck.......

Answer 9

emo.

anything that involves tears of blood or bleeding from the eyes is emo.

Answer 10

why do they always have to label!? i once again will say that is talent. but try and just write one happier poem. just to see if your also talented that way too. cuz i bet you can write poem sad then you can write one happy to. but i like how you wrote this poem you are good at writing poems.