advice needed my wife was caught cheating what do i do?

Question

about a month ago my wife and i disscuss a issue about her and a man she was talking to at work . she said they were just friends but this past monday she told me they were more than just friends. we also have an eleven month old baby what should i do

Answer 1

Well dude. It is obvious that your wife is a liar and a cheat. I am a Christian man and according to the bible adultery is grounds for divorce. I can't tell you what to do,but there is an old saying that goes, once a cheat always a cheat, once a liar always a liar. If I were you I would cut my losses file for divorce and try to get sole custody of the baby. You deserve better. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless and keep you. One more thing. God loves you and I do to. No matter how grim or cloudy things may seems now God can and will get you through it. Peace be with you.

Answer 2

Is she saying she wants to continue and break up with you or is she saying she is sorry and wants to work it out. If she wants to go you really can't stop her, if she says she's sorry and you want to work it out then here are things that can help you decide what the odds are it will happen again. Although here there was a discussion about this guy and she continued it anyway. I'm sorry you are going through this.

first you need to determine whether or not getting over it is something you should do. i saw 7 things that can help you determine this:

Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time she cheated on you has she cheated on other bf's)

Does she own it (take full blame) or does she make excuses for why it happened?

Does she REALLY grasp the damage she's done to you and your relationship or does she just pay it lip service?

Is she sorry for the choice she made or sorry that she got caught?

Is she willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess she made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does she want to deny it and move on?

Is it out of character for her or is she insenstive about other things too? (respects your feelings, treats you with dignity, etc)

Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did she grow up in a family where this happened? if its what she learned thats a big clue.

Once you've gone through these and IF you determine that the answers all favor a successful relationship then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern you leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that you 'love' and not the reality, surely you don't define being loved as someone that devestates you emotionally and doesn't care that she did. you have a lot of thinking to do, but don't worry it WILL get better and you will be ok!

Answer 3

Oh, Jesus... Sorry, man. Without the 11 month old baby I'd say leave immediately. But if you have a child. I guess it comes down to whether or not your wife is going to be there for you and for your child or if she's going to go off and pursue her own interests. Only you and she know that, but I've got to tell you it looks like it's the latter.

I don't know that there is any good advice a person can give in this situation except get a feel for what she's going to do. If you can't trust her, the marriage is already over. If she wants you to be able to trust her, then she'll change her whole life around to make that happen.

Good luck, man.

Answer 4

Ok, my question- was it a sexual relationship or an emotiinal one? Most of the time women cheat to give them that rush of excitement- the attention and feeling attractive again- desirable or they cheat because they don't feel needed at home. You have an 11 mo at home so she's gone from being your wife to a mom. That can take a toll on a womans sense of self. Trying to find the balance between mommy/self is hard and I have a feeling your wife didn't know how to go about it the right way. If your marriage has been good and she is willing to save it go for counsilling together and seperately. If she says its over then there's nothing for you to do except it and be the best father you can be. Don't throw it away if theres a chance.

Answer 5

Dear Friend,

I know you're hurting, but if you are so stupid that you have to come to Yahoo and ask this question, then you're beyond help.

I would say to dump her and move on with your life. Dude, even if she says she really loves you, how could you ever trust her again. See your child when you can. Its hard but man, the world is hard.

So, save all the drama for your momma! Dump her or be prepared to live a life of hell on earth for a long time.

TX Guy

Answer 6

Having the baby makes any decision difficult. And in no way do you come away as a clear winner. It's easy for me to say since I am not in your shoes, but my trust would be gone and with it any reason to stay with her. I'm sorry that this has happened to you but in cheating on you, your wife has put you on the spot and the choices aren't easy. I wish you the most peaceful solution.

Answer 7

You and your wife need to decide what you will do. Does she want to stay married to you? Will you ever be able to trust her again? The best thing for your baby is to grow up in a healthy environment, so if you don't think your relationship with your wife will be healthy again it may be best to split up as soon as possible, the longer you wait the harder it will be. You really need to communicate with your wife and you and she together should decide what is right.

Answer 8

Be a man and put your foot down. Make it clear that this is unacceptable behavior. A woman wants a man to take control. It sounds like this is her way of begging for attention and for you to be her knight in shining armour. Id confront this other guy too. If hes bigger than you, pay someone else to confront him! Im serious.

Answer 9

i know that has to hurt to hear those words come out of your wifes mouth knowing that their is a child involved but i would not stay with her because once a cheater always a cheater, give her a divorce, i know its easier to hear that than to do it because i know you loved your wife and probably didn't expect that to happen but have some respect for yourself and move on to someone better that's not going to treat you like last weeks news.
good luck and i hope everything works out in your favor.

Answer 10

now my praents just got divorced and no body win in a divorce but you both may end up happier people and its not always the answer . so i say talk to her ask why? sorry if this dosent help i'm only 15 but that dose not mean i'm not right so sit down ask what did u do? why? what can u do to make right?