9 weeks pregnant and in trouble?

Question

My boyfriend left me tonight. It has been crazy, I dont know how I should handle this. He is leaving the apartment this weekend that we share, and the lease is only in my name. I dont have enough money on my own to handle the rent. I need to think about the baby and save money. When I found out I was pregnant I quit my job as a flight attendant right away for safety reasons, I didnt have a Plan B. I got my old job back but the re-hiring process takes a while, I start working again this weekend, after about 3 weeks of unemployment. Ive been staying at my mothers home to get away from him so we have been communicating strictly through the internet. He has called me "nothing" claimed that I will be a bad mother and he will make sure he gets to see the child all the time. This is really bothering me and I feel alone. Im 19 and we have dated for almost 2 years. SO yes I am young. I dont know how to handle this situation or what I should think of him. Advice?

Answer 1

Oh, hon, I'm so sorry. Start documenting everything your boyfriend says and does relating to you and the baby. If it does come to a court battle, you'll need proof that he has been unsupportive and whatever else.

As for the apartment, you might contact your landlord and see if you can break the lease, especially if you can continue to stay with your mom and save money until the baby is born. If not, then you might be able to sublet the apartment or simply find a roommate or two that can help with the bills.

Back to BF, you'll also need to lay the groundwork for child support. You have a few months yet, but check to see what you need in paperwork so you'll be ready.

I'm happy you got your job back. For what it's worth, my doctor said as long as the pregnancy was progressing well, it was o.k. to fly up until the last few weeks. You have time there, too, to see if you have an option to change positions temporarily toward the end of your pregnancy.

I'll be rooting for you!

Answer 2

I am sorry you are going through all of this and I know it isn't fun, but all I can say is see what the state can do to help you and also be sure to let him know that you will be getting a state order for child support effective from the day the baby is born that way you will have some help from him. It is his responcability and if he says he won't pay then you can say he won't see the baby. Also while you are getting the court order make sure you get in there his visitation rights that way he can't do what HE wants and see the baby ALL the TIME. You won't be a bad mommy, just be sure you don't talk badly (no matter how you feel about him) about the child's father to the child. I grew up in a home where my mom told me what a piece of S*** my father is and granted he IS but I wish I could found it out myself instead of hearing it everyday.

Don't let it worry you, just concentrate on trying to make it by and take care of yourself and your baby.

Also, what caused this whole fight? I mean you say you were together for almost 2 years and suddenly a fight starts up, what is going on and maybe you need to talk. All feelings aside, sit and talk together and see if there is anything that can fix the problem and if the problem DOES get fixed, add his name to the lease.

Answer 3

okay, well for one, don't let what he says get to you, they are only words said in a heated moment.
he's only throwing threats at you, if you end up being a good mom, then there's not too much he can say or do about that, but I think in these months before the bay you two should try to get more civil with eachother, and on a good talking basis, as it's what's best for the child :)
talk with your mom, see if it's possible to stay there until you can find affordable housing, or even work and pay her rent, because you will need the support when the baby comes, always nice to have an extra set of hands :)
and let that man walk away from the relationship, if he's pulling this crap now, it will probably not get any better, and that's no life for you and the baby, you're 19, young and have a full life, and in time will find someone who will appreciate you and care for you and your little one.
best of luck, and a healthy baby :D:D

Answer 4

I'm 9 weeks pregnant also. And, like you, I've just recently split up with my bf (but he doesn't know I'm pregnant).

This is my best advice to you because I truly understand your struggle-- we're in the same boat. It's very fantastic that you got your job back, and that you have a place to stay at your mom's. The thing you *must* focus on right now is what's best for the baby. After my bf dumped me, I was a mess, but then I found out I was pregnant, and realized I needed to get my sh*t together and try to create the best world possible for this new person will be totally depending on me. So, great job getting your job back. About the apartment, try to work something out with the apt manager-- just confront them with the situation, explain to them what happened... if you're locked into a lease that won't end for several months, then try to work out a payment arrangement. Apt managers are generally flexible in those cases (can you imagine how many ppl for one reason or another can't pay their rent on the first? it happens all the time). If they're not flexible, then ask them to let you break your lease and then pay them the fee in installments. Then, move in with your mom, and start saving your finances until you can have a good place to move soon *after* the baby's born. I say after because you'll definitely need the support of your mom when the baby arrives. And, you'll be filled with emotions and all sorts of things, and trying to adjust to your new position as mother. It'll be a great idea to try to move out around month 3 of the newborn.. get a place, get a babysitter, and start working. Providing for your child is the best way to prove how good of a mother you are. I can't say to forget about your ex, because he is the child's father, but definitely don't listen to his negativity. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Just suck it up, be a good mom no matter how sad the circumstances, and then no one can take your child from you. (btw, courts almost always side with mothers in custody battles)

Answer 5

i was 19 when i had my first baby, but in your situation, i would move out of the apartment and move in with your mom (if your comfortable with that) go back to work, i dont think being a flight attendent can hurt the baby but ask your doctor if your not sure,
save up your money, find an apartment you can rent on your own and still be able to live so to speak, start stocking up now on baby diapers, wipes, clothes etc. talk to someone in a legal setting, you should be able to go before a judge and have visitation rights established for the father. that way its thru the court system and he cant harrass you and if he does then he can get into trouble.
just make sure you go to the doctor and take care of youself and the baby

Answer 6

I think that your only option is to terminate the lease you have and move back in with your mom!! If you do this, you will be able to save money for your baby when it is born and will have support (emotionally and mentally) from your mother in this difficult breakup!!

Definitly dont listen to your boyfriends abusive comments!! You will be a GREAT mom and dont worry about him trying to get custody or whatever he is threatening, family court ALWAYS favors the mother!! He will have to PROVE that you are unfit to be the custodial parent to your daughter!! I doubt he will go through all of that hassle just to get the baby from you. He is only saying it to hurt you!

Also, he may just be freaking out right now and worrying that he is not going to be able to handle being a new dad. You may get back together before the baby is born, or you may not. Whatever happens, make sure that he treats you with respect and is there for you both emotionally, mentally, physically and somewhat financially!!

Good Luck and Congrats on the pregnancy!!

Answer 7

First off u should thing nothing of him! You think of taking care of the baby and yourself. If he doesn't want to be around, , u and the baby are better off. U can't force someone to be there...trust me i know, i went through kinda the same thing as u are in right now. U just have to be strong for ur child, b/c u are all that baby has. I hope that I don't sound harsh, but u really have to put ur feeling of sadness and hurt to the side, and take care of u, for ur baby. I would also get some kind of asstiance ASAP. Don't be ashamed or embrassed...Its there for people that need the help. Its hard, like i said i know. I was 19, pregnant, and i left my ex and moved back home. Tried and tried to get him to be a good Dad..didn't work, he signed over rights. But to me i Thank GOD every day for my son b/c he made me strong enough to end a bad relationship, and take care of myself as well as him. Home that helps some...Just know u are not alone.

Answer 8

He's so responsible and such a good father that he's leaving you high and dry with no means of support. Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black to me. Hold on to that thought.

Yes, you're young. You should consider getting whatever public assistance you can--it's there for the desperate situations, like the one you're in. Get W.I.C. vouchers so you can at least drink milk and eat eggs and cereal.

Remember that he will have to support the child financially after it is born; he has no rights to see the child if he doesn't help with supporting it.

You should think he's a coward just running away from parenthood, and you should tell him that if he wants to have anything to do with the baby he needs to provide support for you so that you can have the baby without risk--at least help with the current rent.

It's a tough situation. Good luck.

Answer 9

Don't Panic. Eventually everything will work out. Your 19 so I'm guessing you either didn't go or quit college. That's okay. Start your job and save as much as possible. Find used items, such as clothes and crib for baby. Stay in mothers house, until you have enough for your apartment. Remember if your ex wants to see this kid then he's going to have to chip in to help pay for the baby as well. Good Luck and Congrats!

Answer 10

Um I didn't start showing till 12 or 13 weeks and mine is sitting at the front and my belly is quite firm. I actually lost 5 kilos in my first three months as i got quite sick and have not put any on since and im about 16 weeks. i dont know how that works lol but ive noticed since 12 weeks the baby has almost doubled in size and i feel the stretching but it doesnt feel like period pain to me it feels like when you pull a muscle and you do feel quite uncomfortable. But i know a really skinny girl that reckons she had a bump at 9 weeks but i suppose everyone is different. im a size 8-10 dunno if this helps but um yea i think my point is everyone seems to be so different so yea you should be fine. I would just be worried if you have any bleeding! Good luck and Congratulations!!!